Is this DID?

I'm so happy to have joined this forum where I can reach out to others for some thoughts.

I have now been in therapy 2 years. I'm 35 years old. I've always been an extremely dynamic person yet something has always not felt right. I've massively struggled in romantic relationships. I date a lot but have trouble connecting and with intimacy. I started noticing strange symptoms in college (back in 2002). I was having steady bouts of cloudiness and brain fog. And off and on moments of feeling not connected with the world or with myself. I didn't like looking in the mirror because it didnt' feel like me. Also had some numbness in my arms and sometimes my face. Had a full MRI and was eventually diagnosed as this being "migraine auras". I now have moved to the west coast where i've been for 12 years.

But it's never felt right. I have a large variety of hobbies, skills, jobs. Just really dynamic. And i seem to be well liked. I'm Very active on social media and i have a blog etc. I'm now nearly 2 1/2 years into therapy out here. I sat down and did some writing the other day and 5 parts of my popped out in my writing. All very distinct. I went through all my old photos on social media over the weekend and i could pick out the photos of the personalities!!! All very different. I was floored. Noone seemed to really notice this. And hindsight suddenly was 20/20 as i remember doing things over the years that didnt make sense why i would do them. mismatches in my own personality. I still get the brain fog. And often when i do I feel like someone else is in my body. I'm very conscious right there with it. Sometimes accompanied by fogginess and sometimes not. Since this happened im getting more headaches the last few days. And of course the fogginess / auras.

While all my friends etc really seem to like me and my personality i feel like my day to day personality is hollow. Like a talking head not connected to body. I did look up the symptoms and i can safely say i do not have amnesia. Unless i have amnesia for amnesia. But i dont think so. I really remember everything and always have...no blackouts....could this be DID? i think most people would be SHOCKED to hear this as if it is i hide it very well. But i've never felt right. and I feel i'm chronically underachieving in my life. But i have great therapists / doctors im working with.

any thoughts? Is this DID?

Thank you all!

Hi and welcome,
You can have amnesia for amnesia. I have DID and I don't have too many times in my life where I have amnesia, although I don't remember much of my life before age 10. In retrospect I can think of times when I wasn't there. My alters have done a lot of influencing, but not so much totally taking over the body. We are co-conscious - aware of each other and talk to each other, although we know there are more alters that we haven't met yet.

The only way to know for sure is to be diagnosed by a professional, but you certainly have what sounds like ti could be DID or at least DIDNOS.

Blessings on your discovery process.

warrants future screening. like SCID-D or MID.

good luck! don't be frightenend.

So much of what you've said, resonates with me. Especially the part of feeling hollow.

Our hosts are hollow. Hollow socialites with no real personality depth. I don't know how else to explain it.

Have you researched BPD? What brings you to this forum and questions of DID?

Have you written a time line? A time line of your life? Including likes, dislikes, happy times, sad times, friends that came and went over the years..

I didn't know I had amnesia until I went through the above process. Now I accept I have amnesia for specific parts of my life. Most particularly birthdays and family members.

I don't remember having a birthday between the ages of 4 - 18. I don't remember having cakes, presents, where a celebration might have occurred. Even seeing photos do not help jog the memory. It's just a total blank.

Similar with some family members. I have photos with them. My siblings know them. But to me, they are total strangers. Their faces bare zero resemblance. If it were not for my siblings, these people would not exist to me.

I discovered most of this from the time line and fact checking.

The fact is that you don't know, what you don't know.