Confessing love and DID

First thing, no one really knows that Anni's got us (Sera and I) a few people do (most I don't like) but her girlfriend does not. I want to tell her and so does Anni, but I don't think now is the right time. She's a great girl and all but if she reacts badly because it was too soon, we'll have lost her. I don't want that and neither does Anni, but I want her to get to know me. I want to start a relationship with her. I think I love her already, but that's just one stepping stone.
The other is, I haven't ever wanted to date the host's (who ever that was at the time) SO before. I've never encountered one whom made me want to. The entire time I've been around I've never wanted to be involved with anyone Anni or Sera dated. Mainly because I was so much older than them and they tend to date crap people. But, this girl Alexis is just irresistible. She's intelligent, gorgeous, she's just perfect. I've never wanted this before, but she brings me to my knees. She's got more attitude than entire state of Texas and she's tougher than anyone I've met. At the same time she's gentle and caring, I've seen her with kids and it beautiful. She's everything I've always wanted for the girls. God she's everything I want, but she doesn't know anything about DID or me.
Then, she just became an adult. I'm a 27 year old man, dating someone so young feels wrong. I love her, but the age gap is throwing me off. To some 9 years isn't a lot, but it sure feels like it. I'm lost. I'm really God damned lost. Any advice helps.

-Best regard Michael

Mike, heterosexual male age 27, occasional fronter
Anni, bisexual female, age 18, main host
Sera, sexuality unknown female, 19-23? protector secondary host

For what it's worth, I am twice your age. My experience has been that in relationships there is no "too soon", there is only "too late." Don't leave it too late. Also try not to make it a big dramatic "reveal", be as matter of fact as you can. DID and feelings for her are two separate issues; you might consider how disclose them separately. I could see it working in either order, DID first or feelings first.

Exactly what Una said. Because you don't want to wait too long, then finally feel forced to tell her. Then she possibly takes it the wrong way and accuses you of keeping secrets from her. Chances are that if she can accept it then, she can accept it now.

Hello Michael,

Couple of things that come to mind:

How long have Anni and Alexis been involved?

Is the body female?

This sounds like something with exciting potential!

As a singleton whose SO has DID; I would say, have Anni open the conversation about DID first!

And if Alexis responds with caring and interest to learn more; guide her to good sources of insight and information. Let her check out this forum. (reading other people's experiences and perspectives has been the best support to guide me in gathering a fuller picture.)

Give her plenty of time to absorb this~ enough for her to have a pretty good grasp of DID and how it plays out in people's lives and relationships.

Once she understands and is comfortable and accepting, have Anni tell her about you.
Then, maybe consider introducing her to you.

Let her get to know you and develop feelings of her own for you.

Remember, you have had a chance to get to know her and develop feelings for her that she has yet to have.

Make sure you and Anni are mutually comfortable with all this.
Will Anni truly be ok with Alexis developing feelings for you?
Could jealousy arise? How will you handle this if it does?
This type of stuff, so that you, Anni and Sera are going to stay in good relations no matter what evolves or not.

My SO is male in a male body and their is a female aspect who has expressed interest in me also.

I am bisexual, so sexual orientation isn't an obstacle.

But, we decided we better take things slow ..for a bunch of reasons.

Mainly, he needs to strengthen his own internal awareness and relationships, and he and I also need to develop a certain stability and knowing of each other in ours.

Down the road though, I could be open to having relationships with aspects other than him ..if we can all come to a solid enough common ground, good communications and aggreements, boundaries ..this type of stuff.

Personally, I don't think the age gap is necessarily a problem. Alexis' young age may be though. Depending on her maturity and life experiences.

How does Sera feel about this person? And your feelings for her?

~carico

Carico,

They have been involved for almost a year now, and yes the body is female.

First, you've given me all good suggestions, I will definitely bring it up to Anni. I think giving her time the most important of all of these, I don't want her to be rushed in anyway. I don't think its fair to push her into anything. So guiding her to some resources and this forum is a necessity. She's a very curious girl, she might enjoy reading about this.
In regards to Anni and I, we had a brief discussion about it, but I don't think she fully understands what this all could entail. So Anni needs time as well Alexis, perhaps more.
I don't know if jealousy could arise between Anni and I, but it is a possibility. I think we need to come to terms with what my feeling mean for us before we can address jealousy and how to combat it. Should my desire for a relationship become an issue, I would much rather not be with Alexis and still be on good terms with Anni.
Looking at maturity, Alexis is mature for her age. She knows what she wants, how to get it and how to utilize it. She's raising her younger siblings (the youngest child views her as his mother), all of which I absolutely adore. She grew up quicker than most, but she is still quite capable of having moments of childlike wonder. Its these moments that remind me that I'm older.

Thank you kindly for your insight, it is greatly appreciated.

Best regards,
Michael

I don't want any sort of relationship with that girl. She's naïve and looks at the world through rose colored glasses. To perfectly frank, I voted against the romantic involvement with her. She too hippy dippy for me, and she pretty much has a kid. I hate kids. She one audition away from being a Disney princess. Not someone I want to hang around with. Those can do what they want. Just keep me out of it.
-Sera

Update

Alexis will be in town the 9th so that will be the day, DID is brought up with her. It just didn't feel right to talk about over emails or phone. Hopefully, she isn't totally unreceptive to the conversation. I'm excited, but also concerned. Anyway wish Us luck!

-Michael

Good luck. Hope it goes really well.

Iain

Michael,

Telling her about it in person sounds like the best way.

Sending support that it all goes very well for you all!

~carico

I told her! She handled it so well, she's not upset at all. She as quiet for a bit then wrote me a note, I thought she was dumping me but this is what she wrote.

I read a theory once about how since humans are made up, in part, of stardust, one could argue that the people we are drawn to may be made of stardust that our own stardust was near at some point in the billions of years between the Big Bang and modern times; and due to some molecular level gravitational pull, our stardust wants to be near each other again. This could be taken as a scientific explanation for soulmates; which means that one could argue that a person, who within minutes made me feel so right, is probably made of the stardust that hurled through space next to my own. One could argue that I'm in no position to deny my stardust a soulmate. So even if that soulmate is a few different people, you're still mine.

I started to cry and then Sera got all feely and Michael just stood there like he had seen god. She's such a beautiful person. I'm still in awe of her. We plan on doing introduction over the next months

Thank you all for the support!!
Lots of love,
Anni

Anni, f, host, age 18
Sera, f, secondary host/ protector, age 19-early 20's
Micheal, m, age 27, "Plant Manager"

This is a lovely (true) story and a grwat outcome. To my mind 9 years is not really that many years. Only when you're both young does this seem like a lot, as a bigger percentage of your overall age. If a couple were, say, 47 and 56, I don't think anyone would even notice the difference.