subtle did - need someone to talk to.

Hey Guys,

To put this into context, my "alters" come across as more osdd1a different versions of myself so we share the same name, life etc.

sometimes i'm literally speechless cause of the contradictions of did.
Like how can i be 20 opposing things at once and achieve anything in life? I do not know.
Sometimes I feel like yeah i've got my life together THIS is who i am, but when i get in that situation and i want something else or i move on before that even gets done.
I went to university because i believed it was my destiny, and then i left and now i cannot believe i even spent that much.
I started creating because of school and well, i got good at it, except some parts of me love it and others hate it, in fact i dont even know if one persona does the art because my opinion of it and art styles and skill consistently change (and this pattern pretty much repeats with 99% of things in my life)
I feel like i can't get anything done which is making it worse if anything,
the only thing that relaxes me is smoking and disassociating being in my head but that's no way to live...
ive always been great at hiding this because my "ISH" is great at rationalising with people when needs be so no-one even knows to the extent how inconsistent my interests and behaviour is.
Just not sure what my purpose is, everyone irl seems to fit into a box except me, just a walking contradiction that feels too much but nothing about everything at the same time which is so confusing.
Before i found out about did i had a lot of questions, but i didn't have the impending doom or realisation that i will never "find" myself because i didn't know i had a dissociative disorder.

that old saying "you can't please everyone" is resonating in my mind right now.


its Chaos

J

pls help pls befriend me

Hi J,

It's really confusing having DID because there are so many parts with ideas and stuff. But I think having so many ideas means you have a strong system that is trying to work together but maybe is kind of disorganized right now. Host was the same way for years! Then we got a T and she helped us work together. It's still super complicated but we agree on some things to do. I think you can get things figured out but maybe you need some help.

Iain

Hi J

There is no rule that says: you need to know this much about this thing by this age. Life is not an achievement, it is an ever-present unfolding of the human experience. You are learning and experiencing every moment of your life, and that is OK.

I think you need to re-frame your view. Instead of I did this, and then this, and then and I don't know what's next, try something like: what skills did College give me; I'm creative, it's eclectic; what other gifts in my life has this condition provided me with?

Don't judge. If negative feelings do come up when you're doing an internal inventory, then just be mindful of them. Identify them, sit with them comfortably, and then move on to something else. Do not judge as pleasant or unpleasant because you're probably going to be too critical on yourself. Notice that if it happens but don't let it define you.

There are almost 7 billion versions of Life on Earth. Celebrate yours... Brett

Hi J,

It sometimes looks like everyone around you has their lives together. But the truth is, nobody can truly fit themselves into boxes. People are more contradictory than you think, dissociation or not—that is just a fact of life.

It is definitely possible to achieve things while living with DID. There are even books on this topic. However, I think the best advice for now would be to be patient with yourself. Be flexible, be adaptive, and be patient with where you are. In addition, like Iain said, a therapist can be a crucial resource. (:

Thank you all, it really helps having people understand your while minsdset(s)

how do you guys balance careers etc? hos do you fulfil each life to is potential with keeping your condition hidden? Like I want to appear as one from the outside but I'm feeling torn with almost everything at the moment.

Hi. In truth it is a struggle but (and this is to hold onto when things are really confused) sometimes it seems to go in cycles of nothing having any cohesion and then coming together. Try and just ride the tide of the confusion without giving yourself a hard time. Like Iainetc we have a great therapist who is helping us with this at the moment and after having a lengthy time or absolute chaos we are now beginning to have some better days. My therapists words were 'we have to get this system working together because at the moment everyone is shouting and nobody is listening'. She accepts us whoever walks through the door. It seems the more she accepts us then the more we are open to each other. Try not to rush things be gentle with yourself. Don't know if that helps but hang in there and be kind to yourself.

We've been wondering something similar. We can feel like taffy at times, being pulled in a bunch of different directions at once, and it can feel like a conflicting chorus in our head. Throughout our life we have sort of bounced from one passion to another, never settling on just one thing. About the only thing we have in common is our love of Disney. Our real strength is in multitasking under pressure, but I suppose that is the ADHD?

Hi littleDaria,

How do you tell whether it's DID or ADHD? We have have trouble focusing and try to do a thousand things when we're triggered or too switchy. Is that ADHD or DID? Not doubting you, just wondering.

Iain