Long Time No See - Host Problems

Sorry we've been gone so long. I made an account, was active for the first month, and abandoned it. I've had many personal problems and honestly still do.

Anyway.

I recently re-visited our Inner World. I wanted to check on Scarlett, our host, as she had been absent again.

Keep in mind, in our system when one alter feels a certain emotion, we all do too. And I guess the sad emotions were projecting on to me; because something felt wrong.

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM**

I knocked on Scarlett's door and she didn't answer, then she ran out all flustered. She was wearing a three quarter sleeved loose shirt. On her wrists were hundreds of purple scars. She was dry-sobbing and her words were very breathy. She was moving in the way Cassie from Skins does. I asked if she would like to walk around with me, and she said yes. I said we'd get her help. Later on, she fainted. I took her to the doctor and he said she hadn't eaten in weeks.

I'm really worried. She's a really important part in our system, the most normal one here.

How do I help her?

~Lex

Also, I've been having new alters appear. 2 in the past day. One seems to be a protector (strong willed, persevering) and another is a sad, teenage boy. What is going on?

~Lex

Hi Lex,
Sounds like things are really unstable and you may need some help. Do you have a therapist? Can this new protector help you to support the others? If it's safe, ask inside what they need you to know or do. Was this a real outside Doctor you saw? Can he help? Sorry, more questions than answers here. Just concerned that you need more support than I can offer. Is Scarlett internally cutting and starving or is it affecting the body? Sorry, more questions. Don't have any answers just wanted you to know that we care.
C.

ColouredLeaves wrote:Hi Lex,
Sounds like things are really unstable and you may need some help. Do you have a therapist? Can this new protector help you to support the others? If it's safe, ask inside what they need you to know or do. Was this a real outside Doctor you saw? Can he help? Sorry, more questions than answers here. Just concerned that you need more support than I can offer. Is Scarlett internally cutting and starving or is it affecting the body? Sorry, more questions. Don't have any answers just wanted you to know that we care.
C.

Scarlett is our birth name, and thus we call her the 'original'. In our system, we don't consider her an alter. Just for clarification.

She's cutting internally, but her self esteem issues are rubbing off onto us. We saw an internal doctor, luckily our physical condition hasn't suffered.

She's been severely depressed and I've been in control since early February, when we all made ourselves present. Although, I almost feel like I've been the host before that.

About 2 months ago, a similar situation happened. We thought we helped her when we got her inner pets, and she even took control. Though when she hosted, we felt very empty.

We have no therapist or diagnosis, and I don't intend on getting one in the near future due to home life.

As we have no diagnosis, some things are uncertain. Sometimes alters come out and I'm not aware, but as far as I'm concerned, Scarlett hasn't been controlling. Just me, Fisher, Hannah, and occasionally others.

I don't get full amnesia (I think) by the way. I just constantly have thoughts that immediately leave (it's getting worse) and sometimes take my iron medication twice or not at all by accident. And I go on autopilot doing anything. Like I tell myself 'what are you doing, you're awake, snap out of it'.

Also I constantly find myself retracing steps to find what I was thinking of doing/about to do.

Sorry for the long post.

~LeX

Lex,
If you don't want to or can't get external help, my advice is to go slow. If Scarlett is not harming the body you need to keep it that way, though that doesn't mean her pain is less. How do you usually communicate amongst yourselves? We like to write. But there are lots of media you could choose (art, dance, speaking out loud or silently, song/music etc) maybe you could ask Scarlett how she would like to express her pain in a way that it is visible and understandable for you. Who is this new protector? Can they help? You have been carrying a heavy burden Since February and you need a break too. Have compassion for your struggles. Validate them for yourself if no one external can do that for you. While you are taking care of Scarlett it is important to take care of yourself.
C.

ColouredLeaves wrote:Lex,
If you don't want to or can't get external help, my advice is to go slow. If Scarlett is not harming the body you need to keep it that way, though that doesn't mean her pain is less. How do you usually communicate amongst yourselves? We like to write. But there are lots of media you could choose (art, dance, speaking out loud or silently, song/music etc) maybe you could ask Scarlett how she would like to express her pain in a way that it is visible and understandable for you. Who is this new protector? Can they help? You have been carrying a heavy burden Since February and you need a break too. Have compassion for your struggles. Validate them for yourself if no one external can do that for you. While you are taking care of Scarlett it is important to take care of yourself.
C.

Thanks C. Lucielle seems to be a person who takes control in situations. She is very determined, head on, and motherly. I hope she can give Scarlett some advice on dealing with her emotions. I'm thinking of attempting to ask Scarlett to co-host (never done it before by choice) and maybe asking her to do some drawings? Unless, of course, she feels comfortable hosting on her own.

At the moment, she is getting similar treatment to the littles. Not in a bad way, we are all just worried for her and having to start from the beginning. She has been sat in the quiet room in our Inner World - which is good because she can't harm herself - and I believe Jaq is bringing her food.

When Lia was very depressed, we sought out an Inner relationship for her. She's now in a lovely relationship with somebody inside who isn't an alter. As for me, I have a very unstable personality. Me and Jaq are together, and it helps so much. When I'm overloaded he calms me down. You see, he is very emotionless and I am the opposite. He's a great help.

However, Scarlett is deathly scared of relationships due to past abuse. She is a lone wolf at heart, and I know a friendship or significant other would make her feel constricted. She'd lash out.

Thanks

~LeX

So, I'm out.

First thing I'm doing is eating.
Damn I've missed food...

~Scarlett