I am finally safe and everything feels wrong...

SamsLand wrote: now it seem like a stupid figure of speech - which predates President Trump - and now is grossly in appropriate).

Yeah. Nuff said.

We identify with what folks are describing here. On the outside, we have a good life. On the inside, there's constant drama, distress, and pain.

MDs

A rough daily-routine helps me a lot. Simple things; things like doing laundry and dishes, that most people might find boring or mundane. those things help me to feel more centered and less nebulous with my time. also eventually making plans doing-things that are not 'necessary' to live, but fun for you; like creating or other pastimes. but a good first step, in a stable situation like you described, for me, is that mundane maintenance stuff.

now I'm not sure if my life is ok....or I am manufacturing crises over stupid $#%^.

in therapy I figured out that was my thing. to have crises. to distract me from my trauma.

maybe that's what I am doing now. ###$ I hate not knowing.

I'm gonna try to be cool again. because I forgot about this.

I really shouldn't be so stressed out about "regular life".

Dear BeccaBee

I just got home from a really rough day and sat down to collect my selves and just saw this thread.

I have my own theory about it and has been an interest of mine for many years long before I knew anything about Trauma. I sort of became curious about it in high school (mid 80's) when I kept seeing people create "Drama" out of no where even though they hated it and at first was always frustrated by it. After a little while I started to notice that I also was doing the same thing too. HMMM

As most of the other posters have also mentioned it and I see it constantly around me Including my self. I think I am agreeing with your last statement...

by BeccaBee » Tue Apr 03, 2018 6:02 pm

in therapy I figured out that was my thing. to have crises. to distract me from my trauma.

Myself personally and those close in my life, we have to stay constantly busy doing something at all times for it's the quiet moments that this stuff starts to creep in and bubble up to the surface. But besides being overwhelmed by reminders of trauma just under the surface, always trying to make it's way up, I still think there is more going on.

I have THE most amazing 8 year old Boy in my life and he has PTSD and has since before I' met him at age 4. He is always talking about how he is always on edge, like something bad is about to happen and can never relax. He MUST ALWAYS have a phone, Tablet, Fidget Spinner, heck anything that will keep him distracted from this intense sense of constant threat. 30 seconds with nothing to keep his mind off this constant anxiety, and he starts to panic as if he will die. If not on any sort of electronic device he has to move and be physically active, doesn't matter what it is as long as he is moving.

Now can you imagine what that will look like in 30 years, when he is 38?

I can because I let his father move in with me last year and the boy is a carbon copy of his Dad. His Mom is the same way too. Has to always have at least 5 things on her plate at a time or she goes bonkers. She runs her self ragged with raising 2 kids (both Trauma issues) as a single mom, full time Psych Student at the University and her Idea of a relaxing day because she is wiped out is she MUST clean just to try and relax. It's not that she needs to relax because it's needing straightening up. It's that she can't relax and staying busy by cleaning is what she says relaxes her. It's the times that are quiet and nothing to do that makes her start to unravel at the seams.

There is this women I've known my whole life and although she is usually very mellow with most people she is always a work-a-holic in my life. Her name is "Amy G Dala" (Amygdala?). She pretty much raised me to always be on guard and always scan for potential danger. I can tell you being raised by her has shaped my nervous system to never be able to relax, for "danger was always lurking". To most people she was called "Paranoid". But in my life she was not delusional at all, for danger really was lurking everywhere. I have the scars as proof.

In cluster "E" on page 272 in the DSM-5 under PTSD, they discuss her a bit.

3. Hypervigilance.
4. Exaggerated startle response.
5. Problems with concentration.
6. Sleep Disturbances (e.g. difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep or restless sleep)

now I don't mean to Blame poor Amy G Dala for the sleep part, for that is a co-worker's department but very close to her cubicle.

What if our nervous systems have been shaped and hard wired for danger and threat detection our whole lives? I mean if a healthy well adjusted adult with no serious trauma in their developing years can suddenly have their whole system thrown into constant hypervigilance from hitting black ice on the way home and hit a telephone pole and get PTSD, then what happens to a small child who lived with danger their whole lives?

It may take some time and lots of experiences for the nervous system to create new neuro pathways and reach homeostasis. And this is After we have processed Trauma.

Trauma issues are in the basement of the brain. The primal areas where Cognition and Talk Therapy struggle to reach if ever at all. It's stored in our muscles, nervous system, and viscera.

I'm not trying to be a "Debby Downer". But rather trying to suggest that respecting that our bodies as well as our minds and soul have been through the wringer too and cutting our selves some slack when we may "Think" we should be done, the rest of the system (body/nervous system) may be on it's own time table and may still be trying to adapt to such a sudden change it's never dealt with before? Remember even too much happiness can be overwhelming too.

I hate it when people call this condition things like "Drama Queens", "Self Sabotage" and the other usual terms that go with it. It's not respecting what our bodies and nervous systems did so well to help us stay alive. Combat Vets also struggle, being trained for combat, live and fight in very intense situations, often return with PTSD and then get blamed for not being able to "Re-Adjust" back into civilian calm living.

I'm sure you have likely have heard this, but for those who may not have. Things like Yoga, Chi Gong, Tai Chi, any martial arts, have been found very effective for helping the body calm it's self. Wind Instruments are very effective too for they work with the parasympathetic nervous system and teaches it to re-regulate.

Sorry for such a long post BeccaBee. I hope I didn't come off as too much or anything.

The first post of this thread with how you were describing you current (well last summer) situation was so touching to me and am so very very happy for you! I know it's been rough for you lately and when I saw this thread, I really wanted to say that perhaps trying some yoga or something that is very helpful for us to re-regulate our body/nervous systems might just be the ticket to help the inner peeps feel calmer for they are not having stress hormones still being dumped into the system by a still active stress response in the body. I so want to see you be able to enjoy all the wonderful things you've worked so hard in recovery to achieve and deserve.

Warmly
Lumpy