"no contact" criteria?

Removing from your life negative experiences and the stuff that doesn't feel good to you makes space you can fill with positives. Upgrade your life!

Stuff that went unused because I couldn't stand to even look at it, I finally donated to a charity shop. I then claimed tax deductions equal to full market value, which for me was more than I would have gotten for the stuff in a tag sale. And donating it involved minimal handling of the stuff.

If you use the donation method of disposal then you have a choice: charity shop you go to, so you may see the stuff on the shelf; or charity shop you don't go to so you will never see the stuff again. You can even donate in another community.

Hi

I'm with donating. Make a good thing - for someone else - of a bad thing for you.

Take care... Brett

salted lipstick wrote:
I wanted to ask if there is any "work around" to your suicide programming?

we have discovered traces of it in H who was taught the exact knife to use to cut our wrists. we dont own a knife like that. that is how we got out last time, the instructions were too specific.
no wonder the bro came to give us the proper knives...
i believe we will be ok. right now i feel like i am dying from headaches. facial pain. we believe it is part of the punishment.

I have barely any contact with the brother at all. he never contacts us, just showed up for christmas. I cant get myself to decide that yet. we have been thru a lot together and he is the one who, as far as I can tell, managed it all by splitting too.
if you had a DID sibling... i feel some strange connection and responsibility. just cant let go of my little brother. he is 28 and a father now but i cant see him like that... i just always loved him a lot more than the others. and i feel guilty. too much involved. i will get there. eventually. baby steps. not so baby, it is huge already. dealing with reality is not easy.

I will put the gifts away for now. there is no reason why I couldnt give them to someone for christmas. tight budget.... I just really need to get them out of sight for now.

Someone mentioned, "Flying Monkeys", which we then googled. OUCH. Holy Cats, that is my family alright, doing my mother's bidding, our brother especially. (he's the good one, he gave her grandchildren)

we are waiting for the monkey to attack any moment now.
they say peace is the result of a war that is won.
I know its gonna be tough for L. she made tray about the whole thing today and I think it helps her.
this struggle will be with us for months, if not years.

birdsong87 wrote:we have discovered traces of it in H who was taught the exact knife to use to cut our wrists. we dont own a knife like that. that is how we got out last time, the instructions were too specific.
no wonder the bro came to give us the proper knives...
i believe we will be ok. right now i feel like i am dying from headaches. facial pain. we believe it is part of the punishment.

We found ours to be highly specific too. Our objects for harm were hidden away in our house where those who knew what the objects were for knew where they were. It sounds like the knives were delivered to you at the desired time (desired by them I mean). I'm sorry to hear you are suffering the punishment. Do you think that is for talking about it or for not succeeding at the suicide? We have "don't talk" programming too but have been gradually working at desensitising ourselves to it.

birdsong87 wrote: i feel some strange connection and responsibility. just cant let go of my little brother. he is 28 and a father now but i cant see him like that... i just always loved him a lot more than the others. and i feel guilty. too much involved. i will get there. eventually. baby steps. not so baby, it is huge already. dealing with reality is not easy.

That would be hard. Be gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

birdsong87 wrote:we are waiting for the monkey to attack any moment now.
they say peace is the result of a war that is won.
I know its gonna be tough for L. she made tray about the whole thing today and I think it helps her.
this struggle will be with us for months, if not years.

It's a work in progress. Doing what is the right thing for you will be a good thing, even if it has a lot of challenges.

I'm really glad "flying monkeys" this was mentioned, thanks Una+, very informative.

Stay tough guys. You can win this. They want you to 'think' they still have power. But you've got it now.

Keep writing.

Colin

Annette - This is what Protectors are built for. Take them DOWN!

salted lipstick wrote: Do you think that is for talking about it or for not succeeding at the suicide? We have "don't talk" programming too but have been gradually working at desensitising ourselves to it.

mostly quiet at the dark-alter-front. we dont know enough that is going on there.
we are in contact with H, whose job it is to make sure that we show up at all the family meetings. now that we canceled the wedding she is going crazy. yelling that we are traitors. she was taught how to punish traitors. we keep her watched at all times and show her more and more about today. we think that the pain right now is probably punishment for not returning to the abusers.

most of us here, what we call core team, is probably not the core team of what is going on in the system. most of us know little trauma. we are the functioning idiots here. we wouldnt know what to talk about. we are almost sure that "no-talk" is active somewhere. we get around any trouble we had with that by painting, drawing and speaking a foreign language with the T. typing also works really well. its just "dont-speak"... if you get creative enough you can get around a lot of that stuff.
sometimes taking it very very literally is all that is needed.

thanks Colin

birdsong87 wrote:we are in contact with H, whose job it is to make sure that we show up at all the family meetings. now that we canceled the wedding she is going crazy. yelling that we are traitors. she was taught how to punish traitors. we keep her watched at all times and show her more and more about today. we think that the pain right now is probably punishment for not returning to the abusers.

Hopefully she can come to understand today better and can gradually find a role that is a bit more adaptive to the current times.

birdsong87 wrote:most of us here, what we call core team, is probably not the core team of what is going on in the system. most of us know little trauma. we are the functioning idiots here. we wouldnt know what to talk about.

Most of our core team is a bit like that too.

birdsong87 wrote:we get around any trouble we had with that by painting, drawing and speaking a foreign language with the T. typing also works really well. its just "dont-speak"... if you get creative enough you can get around a lot of that stuff.
sometimes taking it very very literally is all that is needed.

Very true, taking things literally is an amazing 'work around'. We started out like that and are gradually getting more bold to break the rules, particularly now the suicide objects are with my old therapist. Still get some bad somatic results but one day maybe we'll feel properly free.

thank you salted lipstick for talking about this with me.
it is weird how hard it is to find someone willing to share about bad stuff like that.
I sometimes feel paranoid and crazy when everyone who knows this stuff keeps silent about it.
it is good not to be alone. thank you.