*TW Sex* Teenager is out of control...

*Trigger Warning* for somewhat graphic (with no triggering words) talk of sex

Jess, Rick, and I (the adults) are having a hard time rangling in the 16-year-old sex addict.

I (the host) am in a relationship with a wonderful guy, but we've come to a snag in our relationship because of Sapphire.

The body has a lot of physical disorders, on that list is endometriosis, which causes us a lot of pain during and after intercourse (and pelvic exams). On Sunday my ESA passed away and it's caused all my disabilities to be on hyper overdrive.

Sunday night Sapphire fronted and told Alex (my partner) that he needs to break up with me and date her.

Last night my partner and I started to be intimate but my pain level shot up to a 10 and I started shaking uncontrollably and crying. We stopped and he reassured me it was okay, because I kept saying he's going to break up with me over this. Sapphire took over, and they were intimate with each other... they are occasionally and while it bugs me slightly I have bigger battles to fight (plus it keeps her off of craigslist looking for hook-ups)... but they were pretty... wild... I have bite marks on me and he has claw marks on him... and, of course, I am in an excruciating amount of pain. When I came back I jolted upright, rolled over and just laid there staring at the side table trying not to cry for the last hour before the alarm went off.

Above the physical pain I feel so emotionally betrayed... like it's one thing to have sex with Sapphire... we've discussed this, and he didn't while he was 21 because of the ages (they were the exact ages as me and an abuser) because I asked him to... but a month or so before his birthday they started sleeping together again... he never told me they did, but I am always in pain for a good day after the fact so I always knew when they did... but I didn't say anything because I found email exchanges between Sapphire and strange men...

I'm worried Sapphire is going to get hurt... but I'm also very worried that I'm going to get hurt... he is the first partner I've had that I see a future with, and the first partner I've had that accepts me fully... this is our only snag in our relationship, and I really would appreciate if no one responds telling me he's a bad guy... he's not, I swear.

((I only have contact with Jess and Sapphire - and Sapphire only started opening contact with me within the past 3 months. I've tried talking to her about it but she's being stubborn.))

Hi Mads,

I don't know what to do but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're hurting and worried. I'm glad you have a boyfriend though. Sometimes when somebody inside is doing things they're protecting us from something. We don't always even know what it is - just something they see. Colin was like that for a while. He'd get aggressive with people and mess things up but then we figured out he was protecting - kind of over-protecting us. We talked and he's calmed down now because he sees things kind of differently so we don't get in trouble anymore.

Good luck,

Iain

oooo, bless your sweet heart. This seems like a tough situation. I really don't know what to say for advice. The best thing in any situation is clear communication though, I do know that.

If it was me, I'd do a little meditation, go for a long walk in nature, and just try and find a peace solution with Sapphire. Got to talk to the gal and let her know that sex can be great, but if you're going to engage in adult activities, you've got to accept adult responsibilities, and a huge adult responsibility is taking care of y'alls own physical and mental health!!!

The boyfriend guy will follow your lead, probably. Just got to make sure you're leading all of yourself in the right direction! Good luck, and keep your chin up! Attitude will make or break you so keep a good attitude!

Hi Mads

Sexual relationships are very complicated in people with DID.

Any habit which is consistently reinforced over time changes the brain physiologically. Neural pathways used regularly become like well-trodden paths through the forest. Habituation becomes psychological and then physical addiction.

There are different forms of treatment available, but most include psychosocial and pharmacotherapy methods to identify the addictive behavior, the stressors which trigger this behavior, and methods to replace the behavior with healthier options.

With DID it's much more complicated because this behavior is only part of a Systemic behavioral pattern. The triggers are also much more deeply ingrained and potentially linked to very abusive past behavior. It is very difficult to get an Alter to move through this healing process. Sapphire can Front and be as compulsive and impulsive as she wants but then step back and not take any of the consequences of her actions.

But you have an advantage over most people: you have Adult Alters that are always present to monitor progress; make Sapphire accountable for her actions; and help with recovery on a 24/7 basis. To do this you need the Adult Alters and your boyfriend to set boundaries and the required behavior. Sapphire should not be allowed to dictate what the System can or can't do. As you have indicated, it's potentially very dangerous.

Firm, friendly love. Good luck. Brett