T is leaving and littles are SO SAD

That sounds good. I'd definitely like to help others in similar situations feel better!

I realized in my last post that it sounded kind of like my Fighter escalated things with fists...which is not the case at all (thankfully)! The Fighter is feisty and stays true to her values, against the odds. She's very brave and determined -- I'm glad she's around! She filed a complaint with our company, which she had to do at our last job, too (which ended somewhat traumatically). I'm trying to think of a way for her to help everyone be brave now, too, because she's going to get worn out soon.

My internal mom is overwhelmed, so I don't want her to have to try to comfort everyone who's upset.

Over the weekend everyone's been writing down their feelings, so we can share them with T. I think it's helping a bit.

your Fighter sounds like our Annett

there is something we do when we are facing a complex situation that involves a lot of alters.
its borrowed from systemic therapy.
we walk thru the appartment and everyone gets to pick a small item thats going to represent them. that could be anthing, but it helps if a part is connecting something with the item.
then you can place them on the ground, those working together closer, those watching over others... you can find creative ways to show what is going on inside between alters and if there are challenges you might even find an item to be a symbol for that challenge and place alter-items around it to show the different positions.
when we look at the picture we created it is far easier to see if anyone is standing alone, if maybe we missed taking care of a little or someone is facing too much of the challenge without support.
for us this is an easy way to get a better view of the whole picture. hope the description makes any sense...

i just thought i would share that because you are facing several situations at once and its easy to lose track of everyone in that.
you can also chose an item to represent your T and let alter-items take position. we always learn a lot when we do stuff like this.

I really like that suggestion. I'll give it a try! Thank you!

As far as I know, no one cried last night!

My last appointment with my T is coming up this week, and I've been an emotional mess these past few weeks. There are young parts that feel this overwhelming, desperate panic at her leaving, which is embarrassing to most everyone else. In one of the books I have on DID, it says that this desperate feeling is indicative of very early trauma, which upsets me even more. When I told T that 6 weeks' notice wasn't enough time to learn how to cope and grieve in a healthy way, and I wished she'd given something more like 6 months' notice, she said I wouldn't be able to learn those skills in 6 months either. If the young parts would take a break from crying, I wanted to let them make cards for T. But it's hard for them when they're so overwhelmed and upset.

I had my last appointment with my medication T last week and am having an impossible time getting my new medication T's office to communicate with me and set up an appointment. It's been almost 3 weeks of trying now.

And I just learned that my new trauma T who I've seen a couple of times isn't covered by my insurance at all. I can't afford weekly appointments, which is what she'd like to do.

The older parts are still consumed with fighting the toxic work environment at my job and trying to find a new job and deciding whether or not to file a lawsuit over the company's wrongdoing.

I wish I had someone to take care of all of this for me and comfort and soothe me. I'm so tired and so, so sad.

we are six weeks into our T-less time.
it has proven helpful to explain the concept of retirement to the littles. even though our T didnt retire, we play that he retired. which means that he is not gone or dead or anything bad, but he has a nice house where he spends his free time now. but it is somewhere else, so we wont see him anymore.
we made it a pretty big imagination exercise to "build" this new home for him in great detail to make sure he will be fine.

i wish things could work out with that new T. having a new T or knowing when to start new t is very helpful.

did you talk about the option of your T leaving you a small item to remind you she is alive and ok? our T did and it helped over a few rough moments.

you sound like there is a lot on your plate right now, too much to figure it all out this week. as it is the last before a goodbye it would make sense to focus evergy on that. the job and lawsuit will wait til all this is over.

Thanks for your response, birdsong87. I don't like it when all those emotions become overwhelming and there's no room for rational thought...so thank you for being the voice of reason to help me snap out of my emotional spiral!

I explained to the younger parts that T gets to rest now and not feel so overwhelmed -- concepts they understand. They'd like to do the same! So they know she'll be happy and feel better, which makes them feel better, even though they'll miss her.

I decided today that I probably can't afford NOT to see new trauma T every week. We've managed to fit a LOT into our first two appointments, so it already feels like we'll be more productive with our time together than I was with my last T. It's the part I don't like, though, where I have to talk about the traumatic stuff that stirs everyone up. She already spotted a switch, though, which I liked, because I can't always spot them myself.

Thanks again for your help. It's hard for other people to understand what I'm trying to work through, and what keeps getting stirred up, and I never talk about this sort of stuff except with T, because she gets it.