Told try not to stay dissociated

My social worker really annoyed me yesterday. A few things but won't talk about all of them. She said that being dissociated wasn't a good thing, that you can't rationalise when in that state. My kids told her but it's fun being out, why would we want to be in the boring adult world with lots of feelings.

My social worker told me all the ways to stay grounded (I know them already, but I am out of practice as things haven't been this bad in months). So now everytime the kids come out, I feel that I have to try and ground as soon as possible, and not allow the kids to be out for long.

What do people think about this? Should I try and stop it completely, allow a set time, say only if it's safe?

I think the bottom line question is: Is it working for you?

sigh - I'd rather have the kids out then be crying and feeling overwhelmed. Besides, I laugh at some of the things we say when dissociated, there's something calming about being a kid - nothing to worry about

I got mixed up for a moment because for us dissociating and switching aren't the same thing. For us dissociation is a disorganized, confused state. Cooperative switching, where there is no amnesia, is not at all disorienting for us, it's usually comforting or cathartic. I have a similar experience as you, debetoile, when younger alters are out. My adopted son has the same.

I do dissociate in therapy and during certain times of stress. We get confused, torn, mixed, stuck in between, and/or completely out of it. It's not a state we like to get in but it's inevitable for us in therapy and at least safe there.

Could your social worker be talking about losing track and losing time as opposed to switching cooperatively?

She said that when in child mode, you can't process information - thats what it sounded like she meant.

I've decided that i would rather dissociate then do whats just happened in the past few days. i tried really hard to stay grounded, and things swung the other way so that i was restless, constant thoughts going round in my head of how i should harm myself. so i've decided, that whatever she says, i'm SAFER to let the kids out and have fun

debetoile wrote:She said that when in child mode, you can't process information - thats what it sounded like she meant.

We are not modes! We are people. And kids understand information just as much as bigger people.

And we would not want to go to a T that said those things. But that is just us.

Joseph who's 8 and a half

I totally agree, Joseph! We are definitely not "modes" or "behaviors" or anything like that. Debotelle, it sounds like you maybe have a social worker who isnt particularly educated about DID. I'm like Johnny-Jack...dissociation is not fun for me because it usually is a confusing, trying -to -think- through - quicksand, overwhelmed thing that happens when I try to stay present too long or I get too much input. It definitely works better for us when there is some cooperative switching that allows for everyone to have body time and express themselves.

debetoile wrote:She said that when in child mode, you can't process information - thats what it sounded like she meant.

Actually, in my system and that of my son, our alters more or less process information at a level appropriate to their age, so for us that's true. They have trouble processing complex information at the same level as an adult, yes. But there are beneficial tradeoffs.

Over time, the more they're in control of the body, and to a lesser extent the more they watch, the more they tend to understand.

so i've decided, that whatever she says, i'm SAFER to let the kids out and have fun

One question I would have is, when your therapist hears this decision from you along with the results, does she acknowledge that sometimes you really do know best.

We decided early on it didn't matter what was recommended, in DID literature or from my therapist, if it conflicted with our experience, we wouldn't automatically do it. One of the big ones was letting our alters, especially the young ones, out often, even encouraging them to visit.

Our life has proven that we have to weigh our own experience and instincts higher than any authority. (Boy does this capture the essence of our childhood!) We'll listen and consider advice though, if it's not presented dogmatically.

Thanks. That is soooo helpful. I guess ive felt less dissociated for a while and forgotten that actually im the only one dealing with them all the time and know us vetter than anyone elae. Have now emailed my social worjer. I may have upset her in my rant asking if she actually knows how to hell us or is just gueasing. And we told her we're finding out out therapist as some of the best work we've done in therapy in tje padt is when we are like this.... Because at this time all the memores are coming back and we are desperately teying to deal with it all on our own. Im scated though. What if we dont luke a thetapuse, ir we are really bot up to it. What if she doeant understand or takes advantage of us. And thats wi55out worrying about money. I can afford the cheaper ones but will have no money if anything like my car breaks down. But sooo wotth it to dtart licing again. Feel like im living in te back of my car as its the only place we feel ourselves/safe. Sorry for bad spelling. On phone (in back of car)

For us we are working to be functional so we can have lives. Why else get "better" than for your selves? Why get better just to not "be a problem" to others???

For us that means being ourselves, it also means having the down time to sort through things. Being inside is not bad, it is the time we need for ourselves to sort things so we can deal with life. Singles who do not dissociate have down time. When they daydream and let their minds "wander" this lets them be happy. All people do it. With us it is called a problem????

Seems like you know what you need. If it lets you be more functional and happier, they who cares? You can get a new therapist, you can't get an all new system or body. Pleasing the therapist, or making their life easier is not the point. Not in the slightest.

Being more functional so you all can have lives is.