How much do I need to know?

Hello All,
I was wondering if it is possible to become "well", "stable", "balanced" without finding out what my others are holding. We seem to have quite good internal communication to a certain level. I know they know things that somehow I don't know. That is still a strange thought to me. But is it possible to be well and not have to find out what they know? Is it wrong of me to want that? I guess I'm really scard. I think I know what my life is, and finding out what they know might totally change how I see myself and possible those around me.
Thanks,

this is stuff i read somewhere so i dont know it from my own experience...

that one book said that it is possible to shut down great parts of the system and increase amnesia walls and live a life that feels a little more normal.
it also means that there will always be amnesia and out-of-control- behavior. and that some alters, and those are often kids, will be locked in with all of their pain and no possibility to get in contact with today, learning that its over.
the book was written by a T who is working with poly-fragmented systems where it sounded like it could just be an inhuman and impossible challenge to work thru everything and she said that she had patients choose that path. but it means that one accepts a certain instability because the foundation of what you build on is broken. leaves you incredibly vulnerable to all kinds of triggers.

we personally consider it unfair and cruel to leave the kids alone in their pain. we try to pace it, how much we learn and how much is shared. you know, there is no need to get the whole thing all at once, you could just share a teasppon full of the experience at first. pacing is important and a good T can help you with that. its still gonne be hard but not utterly overwhelming.

we decided that we need to know as much as possible, even though that scares the hell out of me when i think about it. then i think of the hurting littles and there is compassion too.
its not all pain. there is good stuff too.

Hi Dolphinmuse -Sorry you are feeling really scared about things. Is there s a definitive answer? I don't know. Like birdsong I can only state from my own experience. I know that I have had lengthy periods of stability (years at a time) but each breakdown/fragmentation (that sounds awful - apologising internally to selves) has got progressively more difficult to negotiate so I am having to adjust my view of what 'stable' is. In the past it seems that the stable periods have usually been when there has been a function that we have all invested in or we have allowed a particular alter to surface and follow an all consuming interest - I am only able to now see this with a good deal of hind site and increased awareness. This is also all mixed in with complex trauma - so each period of 'stability' always ended in the self fulfilling prophesy of failure, like having an inbuilt time bomb of self destruct. i.e. we keep trying to build but we inevitably collapse because the foundations are weak. But I guess every system is different. Every journey is different - so perhaps these periods of stability are needed to enable survival? We all need respite as living with this can be really, really tough. Take things at your own pace, take stability when you have it and if things get wobbly/triggery make sure you have a support/safety plan in place.

Hi Kelly(?)

Singletons do it all the time: they go through life denying parts of their personalities; rejecting the truths of their desires; failing to recognize and fix their faults; etc.

The question really is: How much do YOU need to know?

Surrender... Brett

Dolphinmuse wrote:Hello All,
I was wondering if it is possible to become "well", "stable", "balanced" without finding out what my others are holding.

To just become "stable" then all you need is good communication, a lot of love and support for eachother and respect and help those that have flashbacks. those who have flashbacks should get a lot of attention so they can divert from their flashbacks and get back to a normal life. but you dont really need to know everything about everybodys deepest traumas to just being stable.
To be fully integrated do require that you know it all. but there is a big gap between stable and integrated.

-- Tue Mar 07, 2017 11:54 pm --

LearnToLoveTheRide wrote:Singletons do it all the time: they go through life denying parts of their personalities; rejecting the truths of their desires; failing to recognize and fix their faults; etc.

We do a lot of that, and we do drugs and drinks and do a lot of other bad stuff too , so dont do as we do
However, the parts we denies do not have its own soul, so noone on the inside is being hurt by that.. so, take care of your brothers and sisters, just as we singletons do take care of our families and friends

Thanks again everyone. You are so helpful. It's so good to have people who know so much more than me be able to help.
Kelly