Parts Communication

Hi all,
I have been struggling to find a good way to communicate with my parts for a long time. I feel immense fear towards them and what they have to share, and at the same time I want to know everything. I currently have over 40 parts, and who knows if there are more. Some of them have told me their traumas, others have not. With that being said there is a general pattern when a part comes out to tell either my therapist or myself a trauma or experience, other parts fight back. I am faced with body memories, flashbacks, and lots of internal conflicts. Additionally I am not very coconconscious.
I have tried journaling, using letters, googledocs... you name it, but the fear causes me to stop pretty early on and I lack consistency.

I find it also overwhelming because there are so many, and I don't know how to give them all attention.
As the host, it becomes really detrimental to my functioning daily.
I try to negotiate and in the end I am always worn out.

Thanks,
Courtney, et al.

hi and welcome!
i am wondering... if you take the memory work out of the equation...
and just focus on getting to know each other, maybe with a focus on individual ressources and preferences
wouldnt that be less scary and cause less fighting back?
sometimes its our own avoidance that makes communication hard.
i find it very understandable to want to avoid trauma memory and have insiders who want to avoid the sharing of trauma memory...
maybe questions about the favorite food or animal would be an easier way to start communication.

i think birdsong is right on - you wouldn't start a conversation with an outsider with trauma, right?

i have similar fears to you, and i have specifically asked my others to not tell me too much too soon. i have been assuring them that i'm working on things and i DO want to know everything, but to be patient and give me time. maybe you could recruit one to help with that? just an idea. i'm new at this but it seems like a gentle way to negotiate with them.

i'm curious to see what others here suggest!

our internal communication is hard sometimes because there's so much going on and sometimes we get blocked out. For 3 years Alex pushed us down to appease his wife and now I refuse to let it happen. So I write to him when I can't get through the fuzzy haze. The writing back and forth tends to make us fuzzy and switchy though....

Stay the course, it will get better later on. I think you are doing all the right things it is disorder for a reason.

@birdsong87 I get what you're saying and I guess I'm just so afraid of them... Like not just their trauma. Like I don't like myself very much. I don't feel safe with myself, therefore since they are parts I don't like or feel safe/trust them. Thoughts?

Maybe @vortexvoid and birdsong are right though, like just having a normal conversation. Idk i am just really scared I don't even know how to start up with them. Especially those who have trouble communicating (I have a 15mo part a 2 y/o and a 9 y/o who has autism and can't really communicate effectively).

Thank you all for your help:)

@Thatperson

So, when you first started trying to get your host's attention, did you yell or make a big thing or did you know right away to write. My parts are all so loud in my head and I know they want to be heard.

It's so frustrating. I feel so lost

there was a time none of us knew about the others. The host wouldn't remember anything I said or did. I was violent. We started communicating honestly over skype. While we texted to someone else would chime in. Eventually we got so host types normal. [steve] {Ace} Fenris and that's how it started off before we figured out we could write on paper.

Hello,
I really feel for you. It is scary and confusing and a whole lot of other things. Reading through what everyone else has written, there is some very good advice. The idea of starting slowly and gently in your relationships is a great idea. I don't know if it's possible, but not talking or asking about any trauma can make things less scary for you all. Have you created a safe internal living space for all of you? Can you slowly build up something special of each one of your alters. Ask them what they want/need and incorporate that in your internal living space? I hope things become more settled for you.

honestly. You need someone who knows about you guys. All of you. You text to them and the others will slowly start to trust them and give input. That's how it was with Aubrey "Pheonix" was. We slowly started to trust their best friend and we slowly started talking to him as ourselves. Just our experiences, cus he asked all of our opinions and when he talked to a specific person it slowly started drawing us out