Connections and Making Friends

These last few years we have really been focusing on figuring our how to work together and be more functional/stable. I guess we've gotten to the point that we are generally stable, at least 85-90% of the time. We've returned to school and are looking to return to work in the next year or so.

But, we are struggling because we still feel so alone. Even with a family and our T, we just almost never feel a connection. It is like we can function on the outside thanks to Zoe, Melissa, Bryan and Lyn, but on the inside it doesn't feel like we are really in the world. Basically constant on and off depersonalization depending on who is out. We try to explain this to our T and our husband, but they just get this confused look.

At the same time, those that are out a lot functioning want to make friends, go out and do things. Connect to other people that are involved in data science. And, they try. But those that are afraid or not connected to the outside always seem to disrupt or cause us to cancel. We come across as very flakey.

The loneliness is across the board. We know that the older, functional ones want purposeful connections. The inner, younger ones want to feel connected too but are extremely afraid of it or feel that the "adult" connections are going to mean less time for them.

How do we make the leap into the world while maintaining our community stability?

Are you out to any of these people? I am not suggesting you should be out, but not being out does tend to generate feelings of being an outsider, not all there, an impostor.

As for activities that younger parts can participate in without risk of unwanted exposure: something physical. Community gardening? Recreational sports? Yoga class?