How to stop obsessive thinking - attachment issues continued

This is not funny any more. Total preoccupation with member of CMHT Community mental health team) because he reminds us of former T. Spent weekend making him a card (we are not seeing him again). Took it with us to health centre yesterday. Checked later on in afternoon that he had got it elated because apparently it 'made him smile'. If keep self/ves occupied can block it out but as soon as I sit down or stop there it is again. Triggered off thoughts of past T (original obsession commenced after stopping therapy) have now emailed old T- to tell him we miss him - with an apology for bothering him and ending by saying he didn't need to reply and that was ok. I understand what this is but don't know what to do about it. Una????

i'm sorry I don't have a solution to help, but I know and experience this all the time too.

it is awful, consuming and .....


My new T explained it as you have been so thirsty for so long (many years) that you finally have some water and just want more and more. That it is a normal response.

I know that doesn't change it or fix it or make you deal with it better.

Our situations are not exactly the same but perhaps close enough. What to do? Well let's see...

Is it true that you do not need your old T to reply? Is that really fine with you? Because a wise T is going to (a) know when you are not as okay as you say you are and (b) take what you say at face value and not reply. Does this sound paradoxical? This is a common situation and the usual solution is for you to say directly what you really want. You may not get it, but the important point here is that with a competent T it is safe for you to say it. So far, it seems to be safe with your CMHT person and if I recall correctly your T was okay too. So it should be safe for you there too.

(Here is where my situation was very much not like yours; my Object was not a safe person for me.)

I could offer more resources but really I have said it all before, right here on the DID Forum, so you can also use your preferred web search engine to find my old posts. Look especially for mentions by me of OCD.

The bottom line: this is something you have to work through; there is no stopping it, there is only eventually finishing it. You'll get there.

Thanks Sam - we had just about got over the obsession with past T (we ended therapy abruptly because of an ill-timed house move) congratulated ourselves on not needing to send him a Christmas card, the trouble with this new bloke is he reminds me both physically and personality wise of past T - only saw him 3 times as part of interim support till psychology kicks in. Have transferred all the stuff from past T (which was never unpicked) onto this other bloke and attachment/separation stuff back with a vengeance. Resulting in card sending to new bloke and determination to contact old T. I can see it for what it is and just want it to go away - I don't like feeling things. Thankfully have assessment with new T on Friday so perhaps can begin to unpick it all a bit better.



Una thank you - just looked back over your posts and realised that this is around the 3rd series of post I have written about the same thing over the last 6 months. Of course we want an answer back from past T but are conflicted over it as know that further contact will just prolong the inevitable.

In the meantime we will ruminate over whether we should or should not have sent the letter (carbon copy repeat of last time) and what past T might be thinking. The last time we did this you responded something about getting bogged down in weeds - this is correct there are other things to think about.

This is a feeling, it is transient, I do not have to act on every impulse to contact 'the object' as all this will do is make things worse. Will be seeing new T on Friday for assessment meeting - note to self, do not do anything else to poke this nest until after Friday....and breathe.

I might be way off base and if i am please ignore me. but I have struggled with this obsessive thinking too. in my younger years on attachment objects and as I got older more obsessive worry g.

one day at T I just sort of had this epiphany. I was looking at my family of origin. and we have all taped our wounds with something. I ticked off everyone else's thing and then I just realized mine was the obsessive worrying. it was just a ######6 mind addiction to escape the pain. because as long as you are obsessively ruminating you can ignore every thing else.

for me it was a huge ######6 epiphany. and I have experienced real change since then.