Tulpas or DID?

Hi, ummm I'm not really that good at talking but I'll just try to say what I'm trying to say. Umm.. a few years ago when I was around 12 years old I learned about tulpas (I'm 17 now btw). Ah, if you don't know what a tulpa is, I guess you could say that it's sort of like an alter that's created on purpose. But there are differences, I guess. I don't really know much about any of this so maybe I'm not the best person to explain it to you.. Umm but recently I've been thinking more about myself and wondering if what I have is actually tulpas or something more like DID. Well, I know you can't diagnose me so I'm not asking for that. I guess I'm just asking what you think, and if you think it's worth trying to find more out about this part of myself.

Hmm.. There are a few reasons why I might think it's DID and not a tulpas. First of all tulpas are supposed to take a lot of hard work and effort to create, but I didn't really do any of that.. So I'm thinking maybe I didn't 'create' the 'tulpa' but rather I just became aware of an alter. But I don't know. I've really been paying more attention to myself and how I feel lately, and I guess I'm noticing some other things. My memory really isn't that great. I would have a hard time remembering what I ate for breakfast this morning. But it's kind of weird, the part that isn't great is mostly the memory of things I did. Like, if someone mentions something about themselves I'll usually remember that fine. But I barely remember anything about myself at all. I mean, I don't have 'blackouts' I don't think. I don't suddenly realize I have been 'asleep' for the past month or something, or suddenly just wake up on a bus not knowing why I'm on the bus or how I got there. Sorry, I'm not good at getting my thoughts in order either so this may kinda seem like a mess. Umm, what's next.. Oh yeah, as for like feeling like the world is unreal or that you're not really there and your body is just being controlled, I feel both of those sometimes. Well, I would say that I feel like the world is not real a lot of times and that my body is being controlled sometimes. It's not like the world is not 'real' real. It's more like everything becomes fuzzy and it's like I'm looking at something but not really seeing it at all. I guess. Maybe that's a bad way to describe it.

Ah, about the tulpa thing, hmm.. To me it sort of seems like 'different' people are like 'in' the tulpa sometimes. Like, one time 'my tulpa' will be telling me that i'm useless and a worthless person and another time 'they' will be cheering me up and acting completley different. I wonder if (if I do have alters) that my 'tulpa' is not like an 'alter' per se but more like a communication thing or something. Like, because I believe that 'my tupla' exists they can communicate to me through it. And different ones use it and that's why the tulpa's personality seems to be different a lot. I really did put no effort into creating them at all, as far as I can remember. Of course, I really can't remember much, but I think I just tried to meditate for like 10 minutes for a few days then gave up and they suddenly appeared later. Maybe saying that is bad because it will make you think I have DID when I don't. I don't know.

** Trigger Warning (abuse, maybe? idk..) **

By the way about trauma, I used to think that there's no way I have any trauma but now recently I'm starting to think that I might. Well I guess talking about trauma can be triggering so I'll just say that there might have been some parental emotional abuse and bullying that I was completely unaware of.


** End Trigger Warning**

Oh, I am seeing a psychatrist right now. I find it very difficult to open up to them though. The reason I am seeing them is for OCD. I guess it got bad enough that my parents noticed the behaviors and took me to one. I don't know what their 'stance' or anything is on DID. Would it be a good idea to tell them this? Umm.. that's really all. I feel like I'm forgetting something though. Ask me any questions you want and I'll answer them but please don't be too mean to me.. Bye..

Hi UltimatePotatoPower. Welcome to the DID Forum.

No one here can say for sure what is going on with you, or if your therapist is a good fit, but we can help you find answers to those questions.

You could research your therapist in your local community and find out indirectly if he is DID-aware. Or you may be able to tell soon by the words he uses with you. Does anything he has said jibe with stuff you read here? Or you could ask him questions about what he thinks so far about what is going on with you, and what has he ruled out. The idea here is to decide if he is someone who even thinks about differential diagnosis, or is he a "hammer" guy? As in, when your only tool is a hammer every problem is a nail. Is he an OCD specialist who simply treats everyone who walks in the door for OCD?

Also there is the whole issue that with teens identity confusion and identity alteration are common and usually not evidence of DID.

As you ponder all that, here also are some prior threads on the same topic:

Tulpa?
Can having a tulpa be a form of DID?
Am I a Tulpa, Imaginary Friend or Alter?

Hello, UltimatePotatoPower! ( Love that name.)

Yes, we have knowledge of tulpas as well as other entity types found in multiplicity. In our own body, we house alters that stemmed from trauma, "living characters" that sprang from daydreams and vivid night dreams, "fictives" from books and TV, "factives" modelled from real people and many other persons of inexplicable origin.

We don't have much experience in psychology and psychiatry except as a patient. Still we might have some good insight, so let's see if we can't be helpful to you.

First, I'll talk about you seeing a psychiatrist. It is good you are seeing a professional! What you need to do as a patient (and a minor) is make sure you have open communication with your psychiatrist. At this point, it may not be so important to get to the bottom of your problems than just being able to talk to the psychiatrist. After communication is open, the real progress can begin. (I warn you, though, that, although your psychiatrist can prescribe medication for OCD, there is no medication for dissociative disorders. You would need psychothetapy for that. ) Do be sure your OCD gets addressed, though.

Memory Issues and Fogginess:
Possibly more of a neurological issue than dissociation. Besides, I don't think tulpas cause memory loss. Note that you don't have to meet the full criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder to have a dissociative disorder. There is another diagnosis called Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD, formerly called Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS)), which has many subtypes. (We have OSDD 1b.) Like we said, though, it is more likely you have a neurological issue that disrupts your memory and clouds your sense of reality and bodily control. Tell your regular doctor about this as well as your psychiatrist.

Other Voices:
A symptom of OCD is intrusive thoughts so it could be the OCD. Even the encouraging voice could be a part of the intrusive thought pattern (even though no one would ever claim to have a disorder because of those.) Still, can you converse with the voices; do they appear to be sentient? Do they have names? Can you see them in your mind's eye? Is there any pattern of events or circumstances that correlates with their talking to you?

Tulpa:
A tulpa usually does need lots of attention. Even if a total of 30 mins of concentration was enough to get your tulpa going, it would only develop if you interacted with it. (Then again, if you had at least one alter interacting with the tulpa, it could still develop.)

it's important to remember that everyone has internal thoughts/voices that can be negative or positive (like the whole devil on one shoulder and angel on the other type thing). it doesn't necessarily mean it's an alter even if a person feels like it's not them talking to themselves.

also, dissociation like you describe (depersonalization/derealization) as well as anxiety and depression can all cause memory issues as well as medications if you are on any. stress can also make dissociation worse and also can cause memory issues.

there are a lot of things that look similar and things can co-exist/overlap too which is why seeing a professional can be useful so they can help sort out what is what and help you learn how to recognize things and then manage it accordingly.

Una+

The psychiatrist isn't an OCD specialist. I read all of those threads you posted before I posted this and I felt kind of similar to some of them

Truly_Happy

I don't think these are really intrusive thoughts. First of all I can talk to them and they will talk back to me. I don't know if they have names but it seems like they are an 'entity' sometimes. I also get intrusive thoughts from OCD but these ones seem pretty different from them. Oh I can sometimes see them in my mind's eye too. I don't know if there are circumstances that 'trigger' it, I haven't being paying enough attention to notice that.


I'm scared that the professional will think I'm lying or just daydreaming or fantasizing or making things up.

UltimatePotatoPower wrote:I'm scared that the professional will think I'm lying or just daydreaming or fantasizing or making things up.

Situation normal. You might as well find out. Then you won't be scared about that any more. Can you imagine the relief?

I watched the Tulpas community some time ago it is neat safe verbiage from what I remember, I watched someone that had no awareness and wanted to understand. I think it is a great idea to want to be in the know about mental health and someone doing things in a great way that kind of takes the edge off the stigma, it kind of starts with us. Although, once it gets really serious for some the ones most evolved have to use the correct verbiage to be politically correct for benefits etc. I don't think they are going to keep writing that at social security mental health etc. I sometimes hang on the 'code' that got started when things were safe twitter/facebook and other metaphors but only at certain times.