To Hide or Not To Hide

Hey everyone... I/We need your opinion.

Ugh... So to start you guys/girls/and others need some background...

We failed... We failed to get a new Pediatrician before $#%^ hit the fan. Now the kids are gone (they're with family) and we have to do a FULL Psychological Evaluation. And by full I mean 6-7 hours type of full psych eval.

Here's catch 22. It's court ordered and CPS is involved. Our T ad ex SO wants us to be honest so we can get "help" but our gut is telling us if we're honest, we are well and truly ###$; we'll lose our kids because then the court will deem us unstable, which is what they are trying to do in the first place so we never get our kids back. We've been told that the kids should've already been placed back with us since Riley (it's a children's hospital where we live) had deemed them physically healthy, just small, -What do you expect from a female body that is 5'2" and originally 105-109 lbs?! -but they are not back with us, and this #######4 case is still going on. -Daryn

Normally, we'd have no issue with being completely up front, as we actually dothink we need a bit of help at the moment, but we are absolutely terrified. We got our kids removed unfairly (missed two Dr. appts due to life situations we didn't exactly have control over) as soon as our mental health was brought into play (DID was mentioned) and the judge found out that vaccinations are against our religious/spiritual beliefs.

Our question is: What do you think? Better to hide and let the obvious show (PTSD/Anxiety and depression; possible Aspergers) or just be upfront. Don't wanna tell... Don't wanna go against our gut as our gut isn't usually wrong.


On a side note: Our T keeps saying that she can't really treat us until she has the results of the Psych eval, as it'll "guide treatment". This strikes us as odd and wanted to know what your opinion was on this.

Your T sounds like a snake. I may be biased since I dislike most of them though. CPS does not necessarily work for the best interests of the children, but you have to jump through their hoops. I'm glad at least the kids are with family. Do what you need to do to protect them. I cannot tell you what that is. I'm sorry for your situation.

I would be up front. Seriously. DID is treatable, DID is not a character flaw or in any way your fault, DID is not abusing drugs, and it sounds like you need help. You have a lot going on: low birth weight babies (twins?) and missed appointments and no pediatrician lined up. Those are 3 big red flag issues for Child Protective Services. Where I live babies born in hospital are not released from the hospital before a pediatrician has "signed on".

Your therapist sounds way above average. Diagnostic evaluation does guide therapy. It can make all the difference between being prescribed heavy medications and no medications just talk therapy and access to supportive resources.

If you have DID, are your babies safe with family? Are they with your family of origin?

Try to see these people as your allies. That is the single best way to make them in fact your allies.

By being up front with them you demonstrate cooperation and good character and accountability, a mother doing all she can to ensure her babies are safe and well cared for. This is the single most important thing you can do right now.

I know how scary the whole idea is, of being evaluated in depth. I have been there, done that.

You can do this.

Una I appreciate your level-headed approach to problems. I know a family who was really helped by CPS since they got the parents to stop drinking. I hope you are right about this. I wish you were right. I wish it was like, "we can trust them, they'll help us." But it isn't like that.

These red flags: small babies, missed appointments, and no doctor, are not a valid reason to remove the children from the home. Neither is DID nor choices on vaccination. Especially tiny babies, that is cruelty. CPS is notorious for harassing poor families and taking their children for trivial reasons. If they were really trying to help then they would help, not be evil and cause more stress. We don't know about the safety of the family where the children are, but we know group homes are not safe.

***Trigger***

I know of people who were beaten and molested in group homes. I met someone who was made to eat dog food. Children get murdered in foster care.

***End Trigger***

We know CPS is nefarious, so how can you trust whether they'll make the right decision?

Whoa, slow down myce. The babies are with family not in a group home.

My advice here has nothing whatsoever to do with trust. My advice is about framing the developing relationship with persons who have power, to maximize the odds of cooperation not confrontation.

JadeRain will be dealing with persons who have dealt with other parents who have turned out to be out of control alcoholics and drug addicts, child abusers, molesters, murders. Thus, it is very important that JadeRain offer these persons an interpersonal experience with her in which she is rational, responsible, and cooperative, so that she qualifies in their minds as a Good Parent With Difficulties. Otherwise they will mentally, consciously or unconsciously, put her in the category of Very Bad Parent.

I have had to do this myself. I won't go into details. All I will say is that by establishing myself as a good parent who took ownership of a serious problem, I received help from professionals that went above and beyond anything they were required to do for me. Some even did things to help me that they were not supposed to do.

Una+ wrote: You have a lot going on: low birth weight babies (twins?) and missed appointments and no pediatrician lined up. Those are 3 big red flag issues for Child Protective Services. Where I live babies born in hospital are not released from the hospital before a pediatrician has "signed on".

Not twins. Both babies were small for gestational age but healthy. I myself am only 5'2". I do not make big babies. Bug was 6lbs at birth and Junebug was 6lbs 13oz at birth, and I had Preeclampsia with Bug and HBP with Junebug, both resulting with Induction.

Both only only had one missed Pediatrician appointment, and they at the time that this all started DID, in fact, have a Pediatrician. However, he consistently ignored every concern I have had about my two boys resulting in me beginning to look around for another Dr. for my children.

-- Wed Jan 25, 2017 1:29 pm --

Una+ wrote:Whoa, slow down myce. The babies are with family not in a group home.

My advice here has nothing whatsoever to do with trust. My advice is about framing the developing relationship with persons who have power, to maximize the odds of cooperation not confrontation.

JadeRain will be dealing with persons who have dealt with other parents who have turned out to be out of control alcoholics and drug addicts, child abusers, molesters, murders. Thus, it is very important that JadeRain offer these persons an interpersonal experience with her in which she is rational, responsible, and cooperative, so that she qualifies in their minds as a Good Parent With Difficulties. Otherwise they will mentally, consciously or unconsciously, put her in the category of Very Bad Parent.

I have had to do this myself. I won't go into details. All I will say is that by establishing myself as a good parent who took ownership of a serious problem, I received help from professionals that went above and beyond anything they were required to do for me. Some even did things to help me that they were not supposed to do.

I've been cooperative from the start, and yet they seemed determined to make me out to be someone undeserving of two children (again, from the start) that helped me see good in this POS world that I live in. I've been told by already that my children should've already been back in my care, and yet they are not. As soon as my mental health was brought up (and DID mentioned) and they found out that vaccination was against my religious belief they took the boys.

How is it going? From what you posted in another thread it sounds like the babies are back with you again. And DID is "on the table" and you have a therapist who is aware of it. That's actually a big step forward. Huge! Next step may be to get your therapist connected with someone who can guide her in helping you. That's called supervision.