Anxiety from angry alter

Another (maybe) helpful guide to helping littles/young angry alters heal

Disclaimer: This is only our personal experience while going through therapy. Things we’ve done may work for you, some of these didn’t work until we’d tried many times, but in any case I hope your system is able to find the means to help your littles/angry alters.

We have several littles, although they’ve split into 2 types: Traumatized young girls (Kayla, Dee, Wood and Tiger) then the Numbers (1-6, 8, Rooth who was formerly known as 7).

Name Changes - I don’t think its terribly uncommon for alters to have degrading names. Dee and Tiger have felt a lot of relief after changing their names** and they view themselves differently because of it. Its about not giving the abuser/s power over them anymore.

(**important note that everyone in the system needs to address them by their new names, not by their old names. We ran into this problem during conflicts to make the other side feel bad and bend to another groups wishes. Do not tolerate it.)


Comfort Items - One of the best things about the inner world is you can have so many things in there. Even if something has been long lost in the bodys life, the littles/angry ones can have a comfort item inside. Our Girls have a Bugs Life toy they remember receiving for Christmas from a trusted family member. The Numbers have baseballs they play with. Even us older alters have comfort items on the inside. Kent has his music, Jayson sings to comfort himself. Its about finding what works for each alter. And we also have something we can do in large groups, such as visiting a comforting stream (the sound/look of water is a comforting feeling for almost all of us).


Feeling emotions is okay, being ‘stuck’ in them is not - The Numbers were previously known at The Angry Ones. Aaron and I (the host) were not allowed to feel anger, it was too dangerous and scary, so they took it all on. Its totally understandable why they wanted to remain angry - letting down their shield of anger meant they aren’t ready for the next time something happens. Not being angry isn’t an option. Besides, why would they not be furious? We’re living a nightmare, a ‘war’ that must always be fought.
- But once they learned we aren’t in the ‘war’ any longer they would lower their internal number (0-10) scale for only minutes at a time. They were downright terrified of doing it for longer in fear of something happening. But after nothing happened the first time, the second, third, fourth… it became more obvious its okay to let down their guard.
- The truth of it is being so angry all of the time is draining. So when the ‘real’ fight comes most of their energy will have been spent, and how would they protect the body then? By saving their energy they are prepared for when we’re in actual danger. Encourage them to work through the emotions, not stuck in them.
- This takes a lot of practice and with certain triggers the Numbers aren’t able to calm themselves quickly or at all for some time. But don’t let your system become too discouraged. Its worth the effort, I promise.


Co-Conning through day to day life - Show them what your daily life is like! Not all at once it can be very overwhelming. But glimpses, like driving in a car, shopping in a grocery store, sitting on your floor at home doing something fun but ultimately not really important. Traumatized alters need help understanding they can do day to day things without fear.
- Years ago I remember I couldn’t go into a grocery store without my headphones blaring because the noise in my head was so loud, they thought danger was around every corner, and most of the time I hid in the back of the car instead of joining my mother in the store. But now the Numbers and the Girls don’t have nearly as much of a problem with it, save for a few triggers which could happen since being outside is always unpredictable. Speaking of triggers…


Teach the difference between actual danger, and a trigger - So a little over a year ago an actual dangerous event took place. My system didn’t handle it as well as we could have, and it became a teachable lesson in the long run, but even then it didn’t end with a suicide attempt or a hospitalization (which was the case years ago with only triggers.)
- A trigger is a horrible reminder of the past. It brings up flashbacks, panic, body memories, etc. but it ultimately cannot harm the body itself. Teaching littles/angry alters this is hard work. But working through a trigger by using coping methods, comfort items, music, etc. can help them learn a trigger doesn’t mean something is going to happen/is happening. Yelling doesn’t mean danger, a certain smell doesn’t mean ‘that person’ is actually nearby.


Share good memories with them - One of the kindest things Kent has ever done is share with the Numbers his memories of listening to music while walking downtown. He was not in danger, he was at peace, and that feeling peace was something they’d never felt. Video games were a huge part of our childhood as an escape and the music to Snowboard Kids and Snowboard Kids 2 is ingrained in our mind, and that feeling of sitting at the N64 playing those games is something we now share. We have them downloaded on our computer and phone so we can play them at any time.


I just want to close this with saying while each system is different, we’re all survivors. It is indescribable how hard things get sometimes, but from our system to yours, keep going. You’re worth the effort.