a lack of trauma?

Hi Samantha and Snaga, whoever is reading.

Samantha, I am glad you posted here. There is often more chatter, but a lot of people are having a rough time at the moment.

No one will judge you. In fact it is probably easier for you to talk here than in most places, I understand that.

There seems to be some tension between the two of you. Maybe instead of flashing possibility of trauma memories around, and Snaga, maybe instead of searching for answers you guys can try to just "be" for a while. get to know each other in a non-assuming, curious and compassionate way.

Many people on this board say things like, I learned about my alters when I was ready to, DID was revealed to the host that could handle it, etc. It sounds like you two are ready, to lead this journey. It's a bit easier if you can build compassion and trust (you have been working together covertly for a long time, after all) but it is by no means a smooth road.

Keep chatting her, we'd like to hear from you both, or from others.

And Samantha, you can pick a colour or not, say your name or not.

Hope you are managing ok
Sam

Snaga here.....

Sammie's been quiet lately- has come out only a little since the day she wrote that reply- which I've been trying to pretend away.... not sure how much latitude there is in here. I'm in a very... uncomfortable position, being a mod, if Sammie should act out too much. Once posted, I'm obligated to let the post stand, whether it gets us in trouble or no- and I've little choice but to accept the consequences for her actions- since our policy is that the host- or someone- has to be the responsible party for the actions of alters on this website. I'm not sure if I'm a moderating influence when she's strongly out, or whether it's her that genuinely understanding of the need to not go batcrap on us. Hopefully (and I think it's a reasonable assumption on my part) she realises that she mustn't rock the boat too much.

Thanks SamsLand for the kind and thoughtful reply to... her.. us... it's very helpful and.... consoling, I think is a good word. Makes me (Snaga) feel a little better, anyway. Something I'll be rereading and thinking about. We- hopefully...

So in other news, I've tried to facilitate her fronting a few times since her last post in here, but it's not been very effective, so for whatever reason she's staying in, I think. Not very talkative- not directly. Although it's funny- as I write about her, I can feel her more strongly.

Sam, here.

Hi I'm Samantha. I know I posted here, before, but something has happened and I feel so different.

Snaga is coming out soon I think so I don't have much time.

We had a really bad episode today. There's another.

Are splits possible? I realise now that. what Snaga thought was me, heck what I thoguht was me,

All I know is there's another. Another girl (poor snaga). Teenager (maybe, or younger) and a brat. And now that she came out I feel different. Also I can't believe I have this much freedom and thinking ability. I feel older, now. Can one personality ride piggyback on another? And then become another alter?

I hate that word. But I don't have a body to match who I am so tag I guess I'm an alter. Sucks.

So yeah I took over to write something in a letter and I wasn't too gentle with it but then things just got crazy and we ripped down a shower curtain (we were about to shower) and poured a bottle of shampoo out and took a bubble bath in the stuff. made a mess and acted out and whoever she is- she said sixteen but she's lying about that she doesn't act 16- fought hard to stay out. Kept saying no, kept telling Snaga and me- me! to ###$ off. Then she acted like she'd never said that before and just like some kid who needs a spanking it was ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$.

What I don't understand is how I myself feel different now. It's like she was hiding in me?

Anyway I feel... very different. More in control. Older (but not as old as snaga he's older than dirt). I feel like I'm missing something now. It's weird.

Older than dirt?

Why thank you, sweetie. How kind of you.

I forgot I'd created this thread.

Does anyone feel as if their head is... full? When another fronts? I mean assuming co-consciousness. I mean like a feeling of pressure, which I get a lot from sinuses and anxiety (at least I hope it's anxiety my OCD of course screams 'intercranial pressure' over and over)

But this is a different kind of full, and it's only been more recently I really noticed it but then again Sam (or worse, Sabrina) doesn't come out like they used to but here lately things have begun to ramp up agian.

In fact- we're not going to change colors but it's Samantha now- how can we tell? We're not having to see where we're typing. When the typing gets really good, we know who's doing it.

But anyway, this seemed like a good time for us.. US, yes us, darling- to revive this thread. Get tired of being crammed inside the same head as this nutter. Keeps the body so tense it just aches all the time. Afraid of everything including his own shadow. And too much a control freak to let us seriously take control and get some stuff done. Reality is going to catch up some time, sooner, or later.

Enough of that- yes I'm getting restless again, and so is Sabrina- she keeps pushing. Albert.. doesn't give a $#%^, thank GOD from all the rest of us. Nameless One just mutters, and Aurora is too wrapped up in flowers and pretty colors. No, she's not a Little, she's just born a couple decades too late for the summer of love.

Humph. This could turn into a DID journey thread if some of us weren't so uptight about what they are not posting.

parts of us are still very very undecided on this. We are... fraudulent. We are... made up- which seems retarded because isn't everyone a construct?

Snags says it's not good to let loose in PF and post. Because we don't know, we don't have someone with letters after their name telling us it's like, okay. But we have been challenged to post in this forum, and so we are. Some. A little. As much as Snags will let us.

SamsLand wrote:Keep chatting her, we'd like to hear from you both, or from others.

Well we'll see. Only two really fit for posting is me and Snags. Sabrina maybe with a lot of internal struggle and adult supervision, she's a bratty teen, and her twin brother Albert is absolutely not good to allow anywhere near 'out'. he's the ANGRY one. He's not a brat, he's delinquent. Aurora is too much a navel-gazer to take much notice of anything. The Nameless One usually mostly speaks gibberish. And usually when I'm out and it annoys me and he knows it so... he does it... he's also the self-harmer bit of us. He likes to slap and burn and hit.

I'm the really only sensible one- when you can separate Sabrina from me, she is like a... I don't know how to describe it, she rides in on my back, mostly- then sometimes she can grab control of the front.
But not often because she's thankfully not strong enough and we keep her down. And you don't want her driving- oh HELL no. Get us all killed. Seriously she has no fear. Fear is all Snaga is but oh not HER, no... Fourteen year olds should not be allowed to drive especially when they're snarky mall rats.

You don't need someone with letters after their name telling you whether or not it's ok to post here!

Snaga wrote:Get tired of being crammed inside the same head as this nutter.

Hahaha. Hopefully getting a chance to post as your individual selves will relieve some of that crammed in feeling.

I hope you're (all) doing ok and that being open to letting more of you post here is a sign of feeling more safe and secure in your current life.

There' gonna let me talk yay! I'm Sabrina... and... if I talk too much they'll stop me.
But ###$ it feel good to be out. So okay I get to talk for us a bit. Snagabutt is the only one that does not want this. Rest of us need it. and no we're not safe and secure in no oher whatever. always having to wear a mask and can't be ourselves like we'd want to be. we all understand that except some of sus
(me) really hate it. But we thankyou for making us feel welcome even though hosty don't welcome us talking. Mmm if I keep on he'll make it stop so I think we back on out now but it feels GOOD. See how long I can hold on to the front

okay wow so does others feel it when we all fight over control? it hurts. I mean it feels like when in like scooby doo scooby and shaggy try to run everywhere at once like the body is just going to i dont know split apart. it's very tiring. I need to go now I'm tired. thank you for being nice to us.

I am not going to cringe myself by reading what she wrote up there, I know that's her color.

She was out while we drove today and I'm proud of her for not driving like a maniac. But then we realised all the girls were driving so... yeah that was interesting. Actually we had a lot of fun singing along to the CD player. One day someone who knows us is going to see us acting out in the car then I don't know what, but can't seem to stop it, either. That is their time, alone in the car. Even though we seem or I'm sorry I seem to be sort of co-conscious I really seem to have no control over it when someone else really gets hold. There's like showing thru, then there's full on I'm loose. I mean I think we'd stop short of any real harm or anything truly dangerous (but we're not going to test that with Albert he's the one we're all kind of scared of he isn't formed enough or whatever and I think we have like a firewall or something when it comes to him), but as far as mannerisms, speech, things like that it's like nope, not going back in suck it I'm staying out- and it just has to fade on its own. it's less exhausting to us if I just let it play out then they're ready to go back in.

I purposely will fight like mad to keep that from happening at times I know I'll be in close contact with folks who know me too well because I know I will be acting strange. I mean, if this is pretend $#%^, then how come it's so hard to turn it off? it's like reaching for the ship's wheel and having your hand slapped. I'll try to calm down and wrest control and it's like whoever it is will get this smirk and be like, nope. So there are times that I'm like oh please NO stay in not now! It's easier to keep someone in, when there's a good reason not to, than to stuff them back in. And when I can it ends up in frustration on both of us' part. it's very tiring.