Trigger warning - Borderline mothers

Hi again forum members,
It seems that I have a pattern here. One of my parts becomes very interested in communication with outside world. After a some time a another alter takes front and feels completely stupid.

Anyway, this is possibly triggery so all the necessary warnings apply.

Are there other children of borderline mothers? I read somewhere that DID is somewhat common amongst the children of borderline parents. My mother is a bordeline queen (category: waif/hermit/queen/witch, C.A.Lawson: Understanding the borderline mother). I actually found out my DID while doing some internet digging on BPD.

Stupid story warning...and then some actually, proceed with caution.

I watched the "Bates motel" on Netflix and Norma Bates seemed to me a borderline hermit. I did some googling and found a fan site. The fans of the show thought that Norma Bates was indeed a borderline mother. Anyway, some of the fans had written that Norman Bates had DID. I had some knowledge of multiple personalities and The united states of Tara was my favourite tv show. I was not, however, familiar with the concept of DID. The blackouts and memory losses of Norman sounded very familiar to me. Last spring I used to wake many times at the middle of the night believing that I have murdered someone and that my hands are bloody. Then I had a major quasi-epilectical seizure when I was watching Tristan and Isolde at the opera. I told my partner then that it was the flashing light that triggered the seizure. I think the actual cause, however, was the sight of blood. Well, I did some research on the DID and the diagnostic criteria. I also did some screening tests (around 67 points). It had actually never occured to me that all my amnesia, constant migraine, suicidal thoughts etc etc etc could be a symptom of some mental disorder. I was so deep in the story of my parents that I was only stupid, self-centered and ungrateful. Anyway, after a while I actually found the gatekeeper in my head. I actually realized his presence when looking at the mirror one time. Then the hell broke loose and the painful memories began flooding. Then the alters started to emerge, usually with a huge migraine.
The alters have always been there of course...
Anyway, are there other systems with BPD mothers? My mother was both physically and emotionally abusive. I think the worst thing was still the constany inconsistency. You could never know how she would react. I think many of my alters have born solely to please her. Well, the wind has changed and my alters have a good non-violent / constructive grip on my parents.

Hi Stareye.

My mother had DID but I'm certain one of her main alters would have been diagnosed with BPD. And subtype queen, yep. I'm going to read that book but queen fits like a glove, though I'm only assuming the description. Borderline was the first thing we diagnosed her with before we knew about our own DID.

You should read the book. Although, it is very very triggery for anyone who has been under the influence of borderline person. The book combines psychiatric research with fairy tales and the result is actually very interesting.

the mom of us is borderline and narcissistic. She might have DID. She lies a lot. But maybe she has amnesia who knows.

I think we aren't stable enough to look into those resources you mentioned. But it is good to know for future reference. In the early days of realizing i in fact did not have a good childhood, i read the children of narcissistic parents resources, and was dumbfounded to find myself in these books. And equally dumbfounded to find out that "the way I was" was not normal. This was a year or two before recognizing DID>

sorry it must be in your first post and I cannot see it, what book ?

You should read the book.

C.A.Lawson: Understanding the borderline mother. It is very triggery and you should be very umm... mindful when reading it. Narcissistic and borderline mother sounds like a borderline queen-type.

I still find it kind of odd that a description of what was essentially a secondary disorder (borderline) for my DID mother explains her best to people who didn't like her. I heard from people in my home town -- or saw on their faces when her name was brought up -- how they felt about my mother. Those with negative opinions matched descriptions of both narcissism and borderline, queen-type (I assume).

How many times did I hear comments like "where does she get off acting so high and mighty?" My mother collected people over the years who held her in the highest regard and retained them only so long as they continued to show due deference to her and her pronouncements. No matter how long they knew her, this set of people referred to her as Mrs. <lastname> rather than by her first name. In her later years, she had people working and caring for her. I saw her as some "lady of the manor" surrounded by serfs. Because there were times where her host alter didn't "put on airs," her underlings felt appreciated. I guess it pays for aristocrats to take care of well-behaved serfs.

Unless it's florid, many people just don't see DID. I'm thinking borderline may be more difficult to mask, in general.

The characteristics of my mother's borderline alter tended to swamp the positive traits of my mother's host, who was sweet though passive. Because she was so easily triggered from passive to aggressive, haughty and self-centered, the negative characteristics make up how many people, including two of my sisters, tended to see her overall.

Stareye wrote:I actually found out my DID while doing some internet digging on BPD.

Recognizing that my mother had a diagnosable mental illness, and one that is often damaging to offspring, also started me thinking of my family members as having specific mental disorders, suggesting I might have one beyond the blanket "depression" which described symptoms rather than a root cause. So if I had bouts of major depression every 3-4 years in adult life, it wasn't just periodic sadness, there was something else, an unknown but discoverable cause.

I've also worked with several borderlines over the years, as colleagues or who report to me. I believe one employee where I'm at has DID but it can present as borderline, also probably queen-type. Looking forward to reading that book!

I once thought it can't possibly be uncommon for the people with DID/OSDD to have a parent (or both) with a personality disorder. I mean, PD aside, mentally healthy parents aren't usually the childhood environment that those with DID/OSDD get to grow up in. And I don't know what's with personality disorders that make them very distinct from other mental disorders (because I think they really are distinct in a way... and I'm not even sure if some of them are really disorders)... but I digress. In my view, BPD parents seem common looking at some of the "troubled" outside people I've known.

I also have some experience of being very close to someone with BPD for a while. And I should say the experience was nothing short of extreme difficulty. The last time I heard about him, he set his place on fire and went missing. It was really disconcerting because I knew it must've had been accompanied with self-harm. God I know he does that. It's a really bad thing to live with, especially in family.

BPD, to me so far, looks like a brain wired to use all the wrong methods to feel loved in life. But I'm not an expert on BPD...

The mother of our body (this is just the way we see her since we're not the original) doesn't have BPD but has PPD (paranoid personality disorder). But just like BPD, like any personality disorder, it was rather born with her... a permanent part of her. So naturally, dealing with her, having a good grip about where she's coming from, has become some kind of a survival skill for us.

- 6

Januarily wrote:I once thought it can't possibly be uncommon for the people with DID/OSDD to have a parent (or both) with a personality disorder.

IT seems mom is the key. I am not thorough, but I haven't seen many if any on this board report they had a good mom that met their needs. Maybe they did their best with the illness they suffered from. But it doesn't change the consequences for the children.

Januarily wrote: So naturally, dealing with her, having a good grip about where she's coming from, has become some kind of a survival skill for us.

Yes exquisite sensitivity to the subtle cues = hypervigilance = dissociation from pure exhaustion.

I doubt that the abusive parent has to be the mother figure. My father was by far the more abusive parent. Granted I don't remember most of my childhood, but from the memories I do have and from the stories I have been told from my brother my mom's main contributions were not defending us. Although as an adult I know feel that she was probably terrified to stand up for us. Oh and she drank most nights, but she has never been an angry drunk.

And again I had no memory of posting this...