Controlling alter

I have a controlling alter that lies all the time to make himself think he's getting his way. He doesn't care if his wants are real or not he just wants to feel like he's in control. Another side of him is he yells at me for no reason and throws fits. Just cause he likes to yell. He'll yell and yell till something or anything makes him stop. I don't get angry which is what he wants, cause he wants me to be like my abuser. But all he's doing lately is yelling to get attention. He'll do anything for attention yet he doesn't get any cause he's so abusive. Has anyone had similar trouble or some tips on my alter?

Hello panther99 - Sorry you are having difficulties. I have found that if I ignore someone who is shouting they just get louder. Can you communicate with him? Perhaps some carefully thought out conversation? Explain you are struggling to communicate with him because he is being abusive or asking him why he needs to yell at you? Or ask him directly if he is trying to make you angry - this might not be the case....

We have the opposite difficulties we had quite a bit of passive aggression and a lot of this was because 'I' was just not really listening to someone's concern - passed it all off a 'just teenage behaviour' so ignored it - took a long time for the penny to drop that Alex just wanted me to like her and understand how sad she and actually give her some recognition for the good job she had and continues to do for us all - she has been through a lot of really tough stuff.

Don't know if that helps. All best to you.

We often hear people say things like, "He's just acting this way to get attention." Thing is, people *need* attention, especially kids, but this need is often invalidated by society. Maybe your alter is screaming and controlling because he doesn't get enough attention and feels powerless. He may not know any other way to express himself. It sounds like he has been conditioned to solicit abuse in order to get attention because he feels punishment is better than neglect. My suggestion is to empathize with him and try to understand him. Once he starts to feel like his needs are validated, he should calm down some. Maybe in time he can learn better ways to express himself.

He does yell quite a bit for attention, but I do give him the attention he seeks otherwise. I have to have a leep procedure where they remove abnormal cells from my cervix. And he's mad at my b/f, thing is he makes it worse by yelling back at my alter. Then I have to explain things to b/f about my alter and he just locks himself in his room. So my alter Owen gets mad at me more. My alter wants me to decide on having a kid or not, this is difficult with how Owen can decide to get sometimes. But I've always wanted a kid, makes me feel selfish now.

In my experience, if the alter is mad at someone that is also worth paying attention to. If you are the host, then your ability to assert your own needs in a relationship may be impaired. It could be that there is something about your relationship with your boyfriend that you need to attend to. I'm a bit confused on why your alter wants you to decide whether to have a baby?

My alter Owen wants me to decide on whether or not to have a kid. It's just conflicting on how he behaves. And yes, my boyfriend doesn't want to give Owen the attention he wants always and just wants to play his computer games this also irks Owen.

It seems that you would like to start a family, but you have some serious misgivings about your boyfriend's fitness as a partner and/or father. I don't think Owen is to blame for this. You may not think it's a big deal that your boyfriend just wants to play computers games, but this sort of thing can destroy a marriage. There's even a term for it: gamer widow.

A woman instinctively looks to a man who shows strength in his ability to protect and provide for a family and also to be loyal. When a man shows weakness, it is universally distressing to women who often start to "act out" unconsciously in an effort to get him to change his behavior. This situation is likely to get worse until either your boyfriend starts acting right or one of you ends the relationship.

Sentinel