Confusion TW

TRIGGER WARNING - mentioning abuse, confusion, denial(maybe)


Hi!

Yesterday one of the littles were out. She said she wanted her dolls and asked my boyfriend to find them. She insisted that he would find them under the bed. I don’t even have any dolls in the apartment but fortunately my boyfriend found some mr and mrs claus christmas decoration/dolls .
When she got them the little was very happy - finally some of her friends she could talk to. She told them a secret
TRIGGER WARNING
that a man had sex with her and that it hurted and that he said it was suppose to be like that - it was good for her. TRIGGER WARNING

The moment she told them she got so angry with the dolls threw them away and called them mean - She told my boyfriend that the dolls were so MEAN and that they have nasty secrets and asked if he could throw them in the garbage.
After that she spent some time out talking with my boyfriend before I was able to return.

Today I’m just confused. Yesterday I could hear what she was saying. Part of my brain was like - really, dolls??? And omg what is she saying and what the hell is she talking about? I was trying to take control with the adult part of me and failed and now everything just seems so fake. Can this be some kind of co-consciousness? I was also trying to comfort her with the adult part of me but I wasn’t able to.
These things keep on happening. How is it possible? Is it really possible to forget about things and have no memory what so ever?
Wouldn’t I remember by now? Is it possible that alters can have a history that didn’t actually happen to the body?
I just don’t know what is real and what is not.


M

yes, it is possible to have forgotten things that did happen. i have had many things that i have forgotten trauma wise and just in general. it confused me because i had no idea that it could be that way. it wasn't until two family members told me some things i had no memory of, some trauma situations they were there for with me, that it made me realize it CAN be forgotten..though i already KNEW that was possible based on other traumas they weren't there for.

i also forgot people, one who was in my life almost daily for several months (i was 9 or 10) who used to come to the house. she was a safe person. we ran into her years ago, and part of me remembered her being safe and hugged her. it freaked me out because i had very little memory of her or being that close to her.

it is also possible that things can be confused abuse/trauma wise. i do not have a full memory of a particular person hurting me, just before and after in one incident, but part of me said what they did. i don't know if that was accurate or not or if what happened was still very traumatizing but the act misinterpreted or inaccurate. the same goes for other bits and pieces of things.

i also have several memory pieces where i can vaguely figure out what might have happened, but they are really distorted or some that are just befores and afters. i know there are alters who likely were linked to some of the same traumas, so i have also wondered if there are varying perceptions/ideas of what sorts of things happened depending on what piece each have. one could have an emotion feeling memory while one could have a physical feeling memory while another might have an idea something happened but not have any actual feeling whatsoever.

i think it matters more about how to help each part and what they feel and less on trying to sort out if what they said was true or not because it could be really confusing and cause them to be afraid to share more if they don't feel they are being heard.

i get caught up too with the whole remembering/not remembering thing to the point it can cause a lot of issues for me. it can be difficult.