What counts as sexual harassment? (TW)

Trigger warning (sexual harassment)

Ok so throughout my entire life my dad has always grabbed my thigh and pinched my butt. Wheb i was little i would laugh and though it was funny now if he does it i come close to hitting him as im basically an adult now (18). Today was the first day after it happened i stopped and asked myself "is this sexual harassment?" Somethings Id also like to mention would be how he reacts. When i yell at him after he does it he simply laughs at me. In the past i confronted him and asked why he does it and he said "its how i show affection" i told him i didnt like it. Yet he still does it. In the past hes also complained i dont wear nice enough clothes, told me i dont look nice enough or its ok to reveal some clevage. Im very confused on if this is simply a dumb dad or if he is sexually harrassing me.
Thank you for reading

Yes. It's also inappropriate physical contact and inappropriate, unwanted comments. Your description suggests a man who doesn't respect other people's boundaries or comfort, perhaps at any level. His behavior sounds crude, insensitive, and selfish, at the very least.

Normally I'd suggest looking at ways to set boundaries but I'm not sure it would be worth the effort with someone like him, though it may be worth a try. I've had to limit interactions or cut ties with relatives like this, the ones to whom you give clear communication about what makes you uncomfortable and they laugh and indicate they're not willing to change their behavior for you. Or they claim they'll stop but then they don't. You have DID so in any case he was not a healthy, supportive parent. If he was abusive, this would be consistent with that.

I specifically told a sister during a visit not to mention our grandfather to me, ever. She agreed but within a day she started in on some cutesy story about him. Chase, one of our littles, switched out and tried to jump out of the speeding car to escape. Fortunately the door was locked and she slammed on the breaks but I'm not sure even that really got through to her, not really. I love her but she's dissociative and not safe for me to interact with, not yet. I relate this to suggest checking whether your littles or other alters may be hurt and triggered by your father's behavior.

He may not mean it in a sexual way, but if it bothers you then he needs to stop. Pinching your butt is a little too far. And grabbing you at all shouldn't seem acceptable to him, but he might really just be clueless. Just communicate with him, really drill it into his mind.

What a filthy ######6 pervert. Your father should not be touching your butt or looking at your cleavage, at all. I think he wants you to break his nose.

Oh yeah forgot about the cleavage comments and how you dress. That's totally not right.

i agree with everyone here. what he is doing is NOT okay and it's unforgivable. we're sort of in a similar situation, except it's our mom who does these things. please stay safe and take care of yourself, hannasue. you can talk to us if you ever need someone to listen.

- luke

Hi Hannasue,

It took us a long time to get that people who really love us care when we have a problem with what they're doing. If they laugh and keep doing it that means they love themselves more than us. It really hurt to realize that about some people we know.

In normal families fathers don't grab they daughter's butts or get them to wear revealing clothes. We sometimes get to watch a good father with his teenaged daughter and he's NOT doing anything sexual with her. He's way more worried about her homework. She doesn't have to worry about her body around him because HE'S keeping her safe.

Iain

if it feels inappropriate to You, and you have let him know that it is, that qualifies as inappropriate for him to be doing.

Hi Hannasue,

I want to echo what everyone else has said here. One of my parents does the same kind of thing. I have told her off for it more than once. She claims that since I'm her child, she "owns my body". Of course, this is untrue—I'm my own person and have a right to articulate and advocate for my own boundaries. Others should respect those boundaries, regardless of their relation to you. The same is true for you. You have a right to articulate your boundaries and advocate for yourself when those boundaries are disrespected and invaded. Your father's comments and actions are extremely inappropriate.

I hope he stops /:

Thanks for this topic. It opened my eyes about my mother's sexually inappropriate behavior. I never realized it even though it should be obvious.