This feels so hard

I am having strong depression abt my Condition.because Unlike peoples here i am having no progress from therapy.
Some of the Progresses i made where.
1.Stopped being Over anxious abt my smoking.
2.Had some good days because of the Temperory relief brought abt by my therapy

But i was not able to find a solution to any of my conflicts inside mind.
My Face Problem(BDD)
My Dissociation
I hear People here stating abt Loving the Journey.I cant because the Journey is not Progressing at all.
The Leech that drinks blood from my Brain is still there sitting inside my Body.
I miss many thinhs like a Wonderfull Life.
A Loving Girlfriend
And all
whhenever i try to get inside my mind create chamges what i am getting is strong Repulsion,String Stress,Migraine.