non-food comforters for littles

Hi Asti,

We also have food in the pantry that we save 'in case things get bad'. That keeps Evan from eating too much because he knows there's some for tomorrow. And we don't skip meals even if we're not hungry. If we do that Evan gets upset and gets super focused on food. Then he eats too much or steals food and hides it. When we eat regularly it helps him wait and not be upset.

Evan says he's sorry you didn't have enough money for food. That sounds awful.

Iain

you are right. its something Maya asked me to take care of, regular meals.
i feel my age these days. just a twentysomething who doesnt know it all.
i am kind of mad with myself. this whole conflict of D wanting to lose body fat and A wanting to work out a lot and be healthy and M needing food just made me aware how badly i mess up with this food thing.
there really is no conflict. we could eat a lot of small meals to stay full, eat healthy, have enough strength for hard workouts, everything fine. if it wasnt for my inability to remember all those meals... even D started to understand that its easier to reach weight loss goals with regular meals. and she hates eating. i am the main problem.

Hi Asti,

Don't be too hard on yourself. You're really trying. You just have to figure it out.

Twenty-something sounds pretty adult to me.

Iain

birdsong87 wrote:there really is no conflict. we could eat a lot of small meals to stay full, eat healthy, have enough strength for hard workouts, everything fine. if it wasnt for my inability to remember all those meals... even D started to understand that its easier to reach weight loss goals with regular meals. and she hates eating. i am the main problem.

How about if you set up an alarm to remind you of those small meals? Like with your phone, or tell Maya to whisper it to you.

I grew up with being told: "you have to eat everything that is in the dish". So I forgot to listen to my body, and would finish everything. Now I listen to the feeling of being full. And to what things make me really feel better when I eat. For example a salad vs. a steak.

So while you get in tuned with listening again to your body, you can set up the alarms. Then you or others in the system can help with the reminders, like Maya, or D. And then you will remember too. Or if you don't alarms are just fine.

Sea

PS: I'm also sorry you went through extended periods with few food. That christmas and the food memory like a beautiful memory.

PS2: Iain, I'm also sad Evan didn't have enough food while growing. I'm sad he was left in the closet, and with no food. That was super cruel.

Earth is so generous. Nature is so generous. She gives us tons of fruits and veggies and we can share. No person, and specially no kid should ever feel hungry. Nature is abundant, and generous.

birdsong87 wrote:
i have tried to work thru those trust issues for so long... we are all crap at trust. still working on it. the Ts say there is little hope to get far when the basics in early childhood didnt happen. still pursuing it.

I've seen similar statements to this in the professional literature. I think they are made in ignorance not in fact. I have moved every girl in my wife's system from dysfunctional attachment patterns to 'secure' ones. I don't know about other mental issues, but d.i.d turns out to have a hidden blessing when it 'freezes' the insiders in the past...it then allowed me to restart the clock...restart the natural building and coalescing of one's personality...heal the trauma, fill them with love, acceptance and validation, and build a life together..I know that's easier said than done, but it CAN be done, unlike the experts who keep propagating the myth that 'once you are broken in childhood you have NO hope for a happy, healthy, normal life." I'm just not buying what they are selling!

Oh...back to your original question. If you have no SO, close friends or family who is/are willing to build attachment relationships with you and ALL those in the system...I agree that pets big enough to snuggle with might be the next best. We have a cat that all the littles love and consider a dear friend especially when I'm gone at work.

As far as food goes. We've had the 'fights' between littles and the bigger girls. What I did was take everyone to the grocery store to find lowfat and low-cal food that was acceptable to everyone and that solved most of the disagreements. The littles had to learn to enjoy things other than only fattening foods, but I was also willing to pay a little more to find food that they actually liked. At this point the littles are pretty good about supporting the older girls' desires to maintain their weight and figure, and the older girls allow the littles to have their special comfort foods on occasion.