For the Helpers

Oh, I love this idea! What a wonderful idea to have a place for the helpers to come and write!

We have many internal helpers. Some are simply to give comfort to a specific little one or a specific trauma. One is very spiritual and seems to us to be not of this earth. Others have more outer roles in taking care of various things. Just reading through this read I see other helpers that are like mine. I just love the idea of them having a place to write about their own experiences with others like themselves!

Nondescript wrote:I have a pedantic and obsessive interest in all things medical, neurological, and some things related to psychology. There are many times when I am not able to stop researching or thinking about these topics, particularly during times of stress. Through your post, I recognize that I am holding my system back even while I provide them with knowledge as well. My obsessions suppress emotions.

Hi Nondescript,

I can identify with this to some degree. I love learning and studying and discussing abstract concepts. I don't avoid or suppress emotions, though, but I do have a habit of walking away from stressful situations to avoid being affected by them.

Insight is good. Practical application of insight is also good.

Mary and others

Thanks to Violarules for adding this to the pinned threads.

Would love to chat with other folks who spend time helping their system run smoothly.

Allegra

Hi Everybody,
I have several inner helpers too. Only one of them is actually genuine, I think. I've created some more after I found out about my DID. The original one "Eva" has never been out, I think. I just feel her presence from time to time. Eva has been guarding the children. My child parts have been integrating really well and I don't feel their presence any more. I mean, six months ago I still could reach out for them and even get them surfaced. Not any more though. I think my child parts have integrated now. I started the integration process before Christmas.
Anyway, Eva has been a bit confused I think. The children are now gone and she has to adjust to the situation. The other parts are my inner T called Dan and the inner second T called Tom. Dan is very distant and speaks very rarely. He mostly speaks in the private meetings that I have inside.
And now I lost my thought... **** And now I feel the migraine coming again. I have a feeling that Gatekeeper does not want me to write about the things are connected to Tom.
**** it I write anyway. It will be buried in this thread. I found out recently that part of my DID and the huge intimacy issues, addictions etc etc are probably caused by verbal, physical, emotional and also partly sexual abuse. (In this point I have to be clear that it was my mother, my father was not involved in the latter part.) *** Trigger WARNING*** I found this concept of covert sexual abuse a year ago. Well there was a lot of covert sexual abuse in our family but some of it went also further. Anyway, I spare you the details.
I have decided not to take any medication and not to use drugs or alcohol to drown my emotional issues. They can still be quite overwhelming from time to time so I really need my internal helpers.

Yay for inner Ts! we have one too.
in all our discussions about integration it became clear that he will not fuse. we need him as the other person who looks at things from a distance and tells us what to do.

Well, this thread couldn't have come at a better time for me.

I've called myself a "responsible adult" and a "frequent fronter", but "helper" works nicely. What I don't want to be labeled is "host", yet that term seems to describe my position in our system better each day. See, I do so much on the outside these days that I think it's rediculous. I used to find little things in life here and there that interested me, like driving and talking to our boss, but now I'm left with almost every adult responsibility.

To be fair, our organization prior to becoming aware of one another was so lacking that it seems like anyone just jumped out when something in outside life caught their attention, but where did our past frequent fronters go? I know of two people who used to be considered hosts, but they've both turned inward and I don't really know what they do for the system these days.

Anyway, I feel like I started out as a "helper" but now I'm a pillar in the system and I'm angry because I don't see many others trying to "keep the house standing." So frustrating. In such need of advice on how to interest others in taking on outside responsibilities.

- Imre ("EEM-ruh"), frequent fronter, responsible adult, losing my mind

Hi Imre,

Thanks for responding. Glad to see this thread get going again.

We can identify with a lack of folks willing to take responsibility for the day-to-day stuff. Our adults have the most difficulty with this, which is made even more of an issue by the fact that one of our core principles is that adults should act responsibly and not burden minors with overall accountability for the system's well-being. Age-appropriate accountability, yes. Overall responsibility, no.

I'm happy to help our system. I'm like the Energizer bunny at times, and I'm nowhere near as rigid in my beliefs as some of the others. I recognize that there are times when one or two of the adults just won't feel up to normal activity. But all five of them face these challenges on an ongoing basis to one degree or another. And if I'm overworked, I get tired and cranky just like anyone else would. I don't like feeling that way.

If anyone reading has any ideas on how less enthusiastic system members can motivate themselves, please let us know.

Allegra and others

Imre again.

Reading about Jungian personality types--as suggested by a close friend in my system--to try to make sense of things. The "ISFJ" type is so much like me it's not funny. Says my type tend to create their own problems by taking on tons of responsibilities with the attitude that no one else would do them right, but feel taken for granted when others leave them to their drudgery. (Yeah, I know I've shot myself in the foot their.)

Going to read more on this ISFJ thing, which stands for "Introverted, Sensing, Feeling and Judging". I figure the insight will be helpful for a lot of us.

In addition, I want to say that some of the other alters that take interest in outside affairs are "Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving" folks, or ESFP's. These are the "zest for life", "party animal" people. They will happily come out and "live life" but aren't comfortable with responsibility. Hm.

- Imre

We heart Myers-Briggs.

Collectively we are ISFJ, as are about half of the members of our system who are age three and older. We did not test our youngest ones because we believe that their personalities are not sufficiently defined to be measured in this manner.

With respect to the four of us mentioned in our sig as frequent posters:

Charity - INFP
Mary - INFJ
Laura - ISTP
Allegra - ENFP

We won't bore anyone with the rest. Although since you brought it up, we have a few ESFPs, including eight-and-a-half-year-old Joseph, our self-proclaimed "fun guy" who posts here from time to time.

We have no one in our system who's _NT_ or E_ _J. In the 4x4 M-B grid, the entire right column and the entire bottom row have no names from our system.

Mary and Allegra

We love Myers-Briggs too!! (Or at least, I do, haha)

I (the most frequent outside part/s) am an INFJ, but the other two most frequent fronters are ISTJ (Sven) and ESFP (TA) respectively. Our ESFP, TA, is bright-eyed and lovable. We also have an ESTJ (Shadow) who is really good at taking problems and finding the steps to solving them.

ST and NF seem to be common function pairs in our system. We have two NTs that I know of—an INTP and a possible INTJ—and I don't know of any SFs other than TA. Regarding introversion/extroversion and perceiving/judging preferences, I haven't noticed any trends. Probably a large majority of us are introverts, but the frequent/recent fronters are a mix of both. And I want to say most of us prefer judgment to perception, but I am not sure on everyone's initialisms.

NF—that is, any type that prefers intuition and feeling—is more likely to interpret and act on their emotional judgment and intuitive, holistic perception than their logic or precise senses. Especially INFJs are known to be somewhat "psychic" for their uncanny knowledge of how people generally react to things as well as how specific people they know are likely to respond to events and actions.

ST—any type that prefers sensation and thought—is more likely to use specific, precise sensory data (ie specific concrete facts) and logical thought rather than their emotional reactions or their gut feelings. ESTJ can be known as "ruthless", but really they just know what they are doing and how to do it. ISTJ on the other hand is basically a database—introverted sensation leads to a reference base of knowledge that ISTJ relies on to make decisions, using extroverted thinking to guide them.

(No sources, I think this is just what I remember from when I had an MBTI kick, haha (: )
Host