Going Down the Rabbit-Hole

me too. it's hard to be 100%sure. but it does seem like there is a pretty good alignment right now on values and goals. I have made a lot of changes in the last two years since becoming aware of my multiplicity. it's one hell of a balancing act. to try and make sure that everyone's needs are met. the adulting still happens. and the kid is well cared for and quality time with her. but it's been worth it!!

it finally feels like we are all lining up. there is still work to do with body health, communication, and increasing income. and of course, just maintaining what I have already established.

but I think everyone agrees that the burden of therapy outweighs the benefit at this time. we want to enjoy our kid! she is at such a magical age. full of wonder and delight. still thinks I am smart and cool. discovering herself and exploring the world around her. she has always been the #1 priority and there's just no room for trauma work without taking time/energy/money from something else. and the incredible risk of destabilization-- which is a risk to my child's well being.

when i went to the appointment there was no plan of ending. of stopping. the decision was made as a system in consultation with T. that still doesn't mean it's unanimous. even if it feels that way. it's definitely consensual majority. of that I am sure.

I even slept last night!

I have received a competent diagnosis. worked through my coping skills and recognizing areas where I could improve. T helped me win the headphone battle so I still have my job. anxiety is well managed. I just want to enjoy this sweet spot for a little while. life is good. hard....very, very hard. but good.

Hi BeccaBee

There is a concept in physical training called periodization. Usually used to ensure that the body reaches peak performance at a specific time for a specific event, it involves the long-term cyclic structure of training and practice. Training specificity, intensity and volume is gradually increased over time, progressively taxing the body further and further. This period of progressive increase is followed by a rest period during which the body is given the opportunity to develop physiologically to the demands previously placed on it.

In fact, it is during the rest days and periods that the body develops the most. The body doesn't develop while under stress, it develops after stress in response to the stress placed on it. Too short a rest break, and the body will not have recovered sufficiently to adapt to the demands placed on it. Too long a rest break and the body will lose the benefit of the training.

You can apply this concept to where you are now. You have worked hard. You can use a rest period to allow yourself to adapt to the demands you've placed on yourself. After rest, you can undertake more difficult work.

Nothing ever remains static. Even while you sit still you will be moving forward.

Take care... Brett

we are heading through a very stressful week. child support court on Monday. 7 interviews with 10 people for 2 different job openings. and another court date for a traffic violation, plus 2 doctor's appointments and financial stress.

ohm. my dissociation is an asset this week.

endure and survive.

maybe I will have good news soon.

I slept last night for 6.4 hours. it was ######6 wonderful. no nightmares. just sleep

-- Tue May 16, 2017 6:15 pm --

we are heading through a very stressful week. child support court on Monday. 7 interviews with 10 people for 2 different job openings. and another court date for a traffic violation, plus 2 doctor's appointments and financial stress.

ohm. my dissociation is an asset this week.

endure and survive.

maybe I will have good news soon.

I slept last night for 6.4 hours. it was ######6 wonderful. no nightmares. just sleep

BeccaBee wrote: child support court on Monday. 7 interviews with 10 people for 2 different job openings. and another court date for a traffic violation, plus 2 doctor's appointments and financial stress.

That is exciting new about the job interviews! Can't wait till I can say the same. The traffic violation is no biggie, got to do these annoying things. And sorry about the child support court, hope all goes well with that. And good luck with the doctors as well.

Just hang in there and stay strong!

the week is almost done. how are things going? hope you are well

very tired.

I chose to deviate from the child support guidelines and settle for a lower monthly amount than was indicated. there is still a small increase from the review. it is very hard to know what is right and just in these kinds of circumstances. I know that he needs to be responsible for his fair share, but what is fair? in the end I did what I thought was right. support without creating undue hardship or resentment for either side. I didn't want money to be a source of contention that would affect their relationship. it is not in my childs best interest to alienate her father over a couple grand a year. at least it's over. a child is not a paycheck and I am pursuing every avenue to increase my own income.

I am a strong candidate for both positions but there Is a lot of competition. I will be lucky if either pans out. both timelines are "end of next week" both are significant salary increases. one much more so. they are different career avenues. I am just doing my best and having faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to. and preparing myself to lose out on both opportunities. Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. and take what comes.

doctor stuff is just paperwork bullshif for anxiety meds. no health problems.

likewise second court date was just getting my traffic citation bullshjit dismissed.

I am on the home stretch tomorrow. two more interviews and a 2hr training class, followed by a social engagement that evening.

kid has had field day, a mommy-daughter date night on the town, play date this evening, and daycare party tomorrow night.

I'm in the short rows. one more long day.

I got miracle money from a friend which helped too. I was able to buy toilet paper and food and stuff

honestly think my dissociation has been an asset this week. it's been a damn doozie so far.

also I have internet and binge watching the walking dead.

and miracle money meant I could buy a bottle of whiskey and Valerianand melatonin so I am getting some sleep which is always good news.

the stress has me craving sweets and that is bad news.

one of my dogs is very good and obedient. and one of my dogs is very whiny and mischievous. but they are best friends and we have to wait for him to grow up because he is a boy. but they are both house trained and learning their manners. it's just that haymitch is always looking for something to get into. and butter cup is just always very good. but they are real slobbermonsters!!!!!

and the yard man cuts our grass now which is nice because it is very hot. and the kitty goes outside sometimes but she always comes home.

and we have a new phone so daughter has old phone with wifi and she can wear headphones and watch Netflix and she likes that.

thank you for asking about us

i made it through my week.

the exhaustion thing happened again. as soon as I got home Friday and changed I just started shaking all over. it was all I could do to get some food in me and lock down the house before collapsing in bed.

gonna power up this weekend. take some vitamins and naps and stuff. that was close. I need to be more careful.

i got my promotion at work finally!

it is a sizeable leap!

my aunt sent me some cheddar so I can up my game in the looks department. did a lot of shopping in 2 days, scoring deals. trying to create a professional image.

I will have to get uses to changing my morning routine to accommodate for my attempts to look polished and classy. clothes hair, make-up, nails. I even have a classy attache for meetings and seminars.

it will be a big change. to go from never being much concerned with the looks.....to needing to look professional and classy on the regular.

thank God for this though! now more then I ever I must maintain career stability. I won't really see the salary until August, but I know one thing I am treating myself to is a cleaning lady!!!

it's all about managing my time and stress and being there for the kiddo.

goals. co-operation. team work!

looking nice is a new rule. it's for the good of our team. for our life. for our daughter. for our future.

I have to start looking at the stranger in the mirror. and dress us/her/me up like a posh lady. and a grown up.

ahhh congratulations!
i'm really happy for you

i am so happy for you. the job has been a struggle long enough.
so glad about changes in finances, too.
we are celebrating with you!