Going Down the Rabbit-Hole

nothing you can google will prepare you for the reality of trauma work...
we treated it like an extreme sports challenge an that helped.

there are a hundred different ways to do trauma work. how are you going to do this with your T? any specific technique?

there are?

I didn't know that!

I'm not 100% sure. she is an experienced clinician with a lot of training. but I am about 95% sure we are trying the EMDR. the bilateral stimulus thingy.

I am hella nervous. I want to chicken out.

its gonna be ok.
you and your T have to make sure you stay within the window of tolerance. (where i come from its actually called "learning-window" because it is where the brain is able to process things instead of just going into overwhelm)

EMDR has been hard but not as hard as other techniques we have heard about and for us it has been really effective.
if you have any questions feel free to ask. us and your T

one side note... a session a month is probably not enough when you do trauma work.
it really makes sense to see the T shortly after the trauma session to see how you are doing and help with stabilization.
trauma work needs a base of trust and connection. especially our littles find it easier to keep that when seeing the T more often.

Hi BeccaBee

Trauma work is very difficult. On the positive side, it means that you probably have the containment and safety thing going for you effectively. Trauma work wouldn't be prescribed if that wasn't the case.

Your T needs to be really empathetic and be able to read you well. They have to be able to see when they're pushing your tolerance and overwhelming you. The sessions my SO and I were in together about 2 years ago sometimes involved trauma work. She was projecting her abusers onto me so we had a few sessions where we tried to teach the System that I was not the abuser. Knowing her well, I could see when she started to dissociate in the session. At the time her T was also able to, so we were able to bring her back slowly and explain to her what had just happened. In hindsight that actually worked really well because it was an immediate feedback for her. The brain was able to process the experience.

Often there's also a lot of internal emoting and processing that happens post session. You need some help with that. Obviously seeing a T regularly helps with that; once a week if you can, twice a week even better. A post session can also be a really easy session - it doesn't have to be another trauma session. Talking comfortably to someone who understands you is very therapeutic in it's own right.

If you can't see your T more often, get stuck into those journals: write down everything you're thinking and feeling, the questions you're asking and the emotions you're struggling with. Email it to your T a few days prior to your next session so that they're prepared for your session.

Good luck B's... Brett

thanks for the advice guys.

I read my Facebook profile page.

now. it is so obvious to me, the identity alteration. the pronoun slip ups. even when I am being very careful on social media.....like oh my gosh. how the hell did I not know???

it was interesting.

I became aware of lost time last night.

it is hard to verbalize.

so every night I go to bed and lay down and then get back up and then go back to bed. I don't know why I do it, I just do.

last night I did it and it felt completely normal. only I realized that I did not actually recall going to bed. and when I layer back down there was a drool spot on my pillow. I think I went to bed and fell asleep for a minute before I "woke up".

it was a weird realization.

I have had this vague idea that I switch when I lay down. like fronting me does go away. but then hypervigilant me is still awake.

idk. the journey continues

Hi BeccaBee

Our System goes to sleep several times a night: We shower several times a night, then we go back to bed, then we get up, and, not knowing that we've already showered, we shower again.

We sill sleep on the couch sometimes. Sometimes, a Little will bring a fluffy teddy to my bed.

The only consistency is that Kiska (14) wakes up every morning. She wakes up, smiles at me, says "Hi" and then goes back to sleep.

I'm usually woken at least 4 - 6 times a night by a different Alter wanting something. There is very little memory of the night for the Alters.

This alone is something no-one understands. It sounds like "so what", but it's actually very disruptive when you have real kids and a job to go to in the morning.

Take care... Brett

well I chickened out.

I met with my T today. and I just don't want to do it. therapy. trauma work. I don't want to. I am in a really good place. I have good coping and grounding skills. my life is stable. I am a good parent to my daughter. life is good. I am happy with my house and my kid and my job and my dogs and I am in a really consistently fine stable place. I don't want to destabilize everything I have worked so hard for.

yes, I still dissociate. yes, I still experience identity alteration. yes sometimes I have flashbacks or abreactions. and i'm ok with it. I am ok with my life how it is right now. I am ok with my diagnosis. I am ok with sharing my life and my body and my time with all my parts. I am ok with leveraging my strengths to succeed and provide a stable, secure home for my kiddo.

maybe one day I will go down that path. but it's not right now.

life is just too good to risk ######6 it all up.

we are happy. we are stable. we are secure. we are a team.

this is my rabbit hole.

i am glad to hear that life has reached a point where it seems bearable and even stable.
i hope this feeling isnt rooted in denial... therapy is a scaring thing. and timing has to be right. it needs a lot of motivation to keep digging stuff up...

i wonder, just to get the complete picture, if everyone in your team is as fine with the current situation as you are.