Going Down the Rabbit-Hole

As an outsider to this disorder, I thought my wife FINALLY made sense once we got the diagnosis. Once I understood what was going on, her actions made sense and so, to me, 'crazy' is just a word that signifies someone's ignorance. You may feel crazy, but I hope once you understand more about what is going on in your life and WHY it is going on, that feeling will subside because d.i.d. really does make sense once you understand how what happened in the past causes what it is seen in the present.

As far as the host, this is how the host in my wife's system functions and from what I've read, she's pretty typical: https://samruck2.wordpress.com/2013/08/ ... r-network/

Take care

I thought there was only me and 'someone' screwed things up occasionally. Those occasions came more frequent. I peeped down the rabbit hole, the others told me that I was born 17 years ago when we needed a another other. I fall down, became just one of the others. Next, I wake up feeling there is only me. Repeat.

- K

whelp. feels like I landed down at the bottom. thwunk.

I tried to write in the coms book last night and a weird kind of surging quiver came over me. and it became a group convo all the sudden. I don't think I was part of it.

thanks for all the replies and taking the time to write.

I am sort of thinking about therapy. rolling through the usual excuses that ring empty and hollow by now. the only thing that actually kind of sticks me up is how to swing regular appointments without missing work. but I reckon you cant. urgh.

my game plan is controlled disclosure. I can just go and talk about normal people stuff. I hate my ex. I struggle to grieve my mom's death. I have anxiety and anger and insomnia and being a mom in a single income household is tough. wah. wah. I don't have to confess that I write notes to myself on the bathroom mirror.

Consider the possibility that you might locate a therapist who has already worked with other people with DID, a therapist who simply accepts the realities of DID, someone truly just as comfortable when interacting with a young alter as with the host or any other part of you. This kind of therapist is out there. Even without experience, some therapists react instinctively in a way that can be extremely healing.

Hi Becca Bee,

I agree with Johnny Jack. There are good T's out there. We have one who's fine with DID. Today I was sitting in the waiting room and she came out and recognized me. She wasn't weird about it at all! She even called me by my name and invited us into the room. Cool!

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Today I was sitting in the waiting room and she came out and recognized me. She wasn't weird about it at all! She even called me by my name and invited us into the room. Cool!

Awesome!

I wish I could address by name the different identities of some of the other multiples around me. I see them, recognize them, remember them from one time to the next, but I don't know their names.

there's one T in my area who's a member of isstd (is that right?) . I called and left a message to schedule an appointment.

blergh. feel like there's a risk I may lose my nerve. but I am trying to stay determined.

I actually searched a lot. and have been for a while. I found a group practice near me that doesn't look too bad. I suppose I could call there too. and I reckon find out if my insurance requires a referral. I have had some experience with seeing counselors or therapists but I never keep it up. I'm usually in a bad place and it seems stupid and pointless. this time feels more like...maybe looking for preventative maintenance. and I damn sure wouldn't mind having the right medication around. sigh. I just hate this stuff so bad. I waffle and get nervous about it.

Hi BeccaBee,

You're being very brave. That's great. Host has gone to a LOT of Ts and always left before anything really helped. This time he's staying pretty good. It's hard on hosts though. You guys are supposed to make it all look GOOD. Host feels like such a failure when he goes to therapy. He keeps going though because he promised us and because it makes him less depressed. I'm glad you are going to have your own T soon.

Good luck,

Iain

T returned call. sched appt for 15th. and it's after work so huzzah. just need to follow through when monday comes.

YEA BeccaBee!!!!!!

Good luck!

Oh and we began by talking about dissociation to see what our T thought about things like that. Host said he thought he might have PTSD. That felt safer but we weren't lying really. Host really does have PTSD (People inside Trying to Stop the next Disaster)

Iain