for the protectors [venting and advice]

$#%^, Colin. did you get hit by that icey weather?? We just saw pictures and it was frightening. some of the ######6 niagara falls froze!!
I think you did a damn good job getting you through that without freezing or something.
how are things now?

I'm doing ok. Lots of sh*t to fix. We're helping people on the block. Weird they don't know how to fix their own plumbing. After all it's their house. Thanks for everybody's help getting my head straight. MD's right. The abuse BS keeps putting me in shame. Got to remember. Wish I could fix everything like I fix plumbing. One lady down the block had 4 busted pipes. We'd fix one. Then turn the water on and find another one. It was late by the time we got them all done. One guy had five.

The ice storm was some bad sh*t. But things are better now.



Colin

- Doing our best to work on setting boundaries and understanding where boundaries need to be set. We have a lot of trouble understanding the whole protecting jig. Zami works as some sort of "Shield" type of protector, but in a very passive way. Yet another part of their sub-system acts like a fuse: when the last straw has fallen on our back, they enter self-sabotage and relationship-destruction mode.

- It took us some time to understand that us less "emotive" ones, were not "protectors" per se but trying to protect the system from Zami's toxic protective style.

- We are trying to have Zami become more of some sort of an "alarm system" and learn how us less "emotive" parts can react to said alarms in constructive, assertive ways.

- We also need to learn to bypass the "over-sharing" tendencies of Zami's sub-system. It means that we need to learn new was to express our emotions, to accept our emotions, aknowledge them without letting them hijack us.

- The absence of DID specialist in our city makes the whole thing a bit complicated, though. We need to be our own therapist on this one. Therefore, any advice, or book recommendation, or blog recommendation... will be welcome. Please avoid video/podcast, we have trouble processing spoken information.

- Thanks in advance.

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Solomon

Hey Solomon.

Sorry you're having trouble finding a T. I got some books for you. They're in English - sorry if that's a problem. They're not exactly about DID but they really helped us.

There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

They're on Amazon.

Good luck,

Colin

//than you Colin! I added them to our list. reading in english is completely fine for us.

//there are a lot of things that we need to learn to do collectively because we do not really have anybody with this role - or maybe we are completely clueless about our own functionning. but, baby steps. thanks again for the references.

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Ulysses

hi. i want to say i didn't know a lot about what a protector was but now i think i maybe understand and i think i do have a strong protector force, it is tough keeps everyone safe. anyways, so this was a big thing to realize.
I felt like i really realized and was aware of their presence in 3rd grade. I think one negative side of it, is that people close to me are usually kept at a distance.
anyways, hello. (i don't really get the concept of names that others do.. sorry I guess that is confusing.. but i want to be honest about that. parts just feel different. So maybe someday I will have a name for parts but for now i don't think i do.)

Hey Annette - Just checking on you. Hope you're ok. I'm mostly out this weekend. Got to work on the house. Fixing things winter broke.

Colin

things are kind of quiet, it is Asti's weekend to watch a bunch of fashion shows (BOOOORING!) she is really into looking for patterns there.
yesterday we talked to a system we know. well, L did. they have a teen who might want to talk to me sometimes. turns out this is scary for all of us! still, probably best to talk to someone from our culture first.
they like goth stuff, I like hardrock, they like horror, I like action... but L thinks we like that stuff for similar reasons, so mabe it is a good way to start. never felt so insecure. feeling scared makes me wanna punch things.
the body is in bad shape and we really don't know what to do. packed a bag for hospital in case it gets worse quickly. I will be damned if I understand that ######6 body. it kind of seems like the worst is over, but then who knows when we can't sense if there is ######6 pain or not.
what are you repairing? Winter must have been rough.

Annette - Hope it doesn't get so bad you have to hit the hospital. Good idea to pack a bag.

Not sure about talking to a teen in another system. But it's something we're doing right now. Maybe it's not too bad. Let me know how it goes.

A lot of branches died but just some fell. I have to get the rest down. the trick is making sure they don't fall on my head. Guy next door had a limb fall on his car. Crushed the hood. I took a look and think I can pound it out with a hammer. Won't look nice but it will get him going.

Stay safe.

Colin

Oh my Annette please go if you need to, to hospital and keep the forums informed how you're feeling!

And Colin YOU stay safe, okay?