for the protectors [venting and advice]

ArbreMonde wrote:One day, there was one who was parading in the tramway train, so we quickly took out the book about buddhism we were reading at that time, and put it open right in front of our face. The parading preacher made a U-turn in front of us and walked away. So I guess, it could work with any book about religion that is not in their beliefs.
Or wrapping a fake cover with pentagrams and goats and stuff on any random book you keep in your bag, and using it in a "vade retro" way. You gotta fight fire with fire sometimes.

--
Zami & ~Theia~

Yes. Sometimes a not-so-subtle cue, presented in a way that reduces the likelihood of them engaging with you. Hopefully they'll see you as a "lost cause" and move on.

Our system is a diverse group, with no one in a majority. From the largest group to the smallest: Chr., Pagan and/or New Age, Agnostic, other/unknown, and atheist. We were raised non-religious Jewish. We will never fit into any specific group, nor do we want to, and we believe that what we believe is between us and the universe. Period, full stop.

MDs

Here I'm not sure how many of each, but I'm pagan, Theia sees herself as a local minor deity, X has his own religion, the H family is atheist or agnostic (not sure), and we have others who are either atheist or have their own religion. It's interesting to see that, besides the different cultural versions of our religions (or absence of it), we have common moral and ethical grounds, as well as differences. We do our best to be respectful of each-other's beliefs by seeing them as either, following different gods co-existing peacfully, or having each our own fancy way of connecting to and seeing the same God. For example, X sees my magical practices as "fancy prayers" rather than "demonic stuff". Keeps the peace inside.

Protecting-wise, Theia has started to organise some sort of passing-on of abilities, so that the warrior-est of our insiders can pass on qualities to me (since I'm the main front and not all of us can front) so that I can learn to be more of a "this is a red flag, let's not go down that way" and less of a "this is a red flag, let's dive headfirst into it like a bull while keeping all the others out of front". More humility, more wisdom, more safety for everyone.

--Zami--

Hello. My name is Blake. I'm the primary protector for my system (although, I was only recently titled as such).
I do a bit of everything, so I carry a lot of responsibility (keep in mind I don't say this proudly; I don't flaunt this-- I'm just stating fact).
As primary protector, I often come out when work needs to be done or when we're in a stressful scenario. I also hold some trauma and other more unpleasant things like that.

I was talking with one of the host's friends recently. They told me that I don't seem to have much time to myself, to do what I want.
I've never thought of it that way. I always thought that I didn't need leisure time, since I enjoy being able to help the system in any way I can (although, not all alters appreciate it).

But... maybe this friend is right?
When they asked me what it is I like to do for fun, I had no response. I mean, I like classical music and theater but that's about all I could come up with.

It just seems like all I do is work. I'm not complaining about it but... I think I'd really like to try spending time for myself. Do any other protectors have this problem?

Thanks,
Blake

As protectors we know our job & when to activate. We do our job well. Recently nonprotectors talking to T about events that required our presence in the past. Feel no need to justify our behaviour to him. But he's started commenting on our actions......that was reasonable, that's all they knew to do, don't have to do that anymore, that was brave on and on. We don't need his judgement or his opinion. Didn't ask for it. Don't want it. He should shut up.

Hi Blake,

Everyone needs some down time, I think. To do some things that are just for fun. It doesn’t have to be much or a big deal. Maybe you could make an effort to see what shows or concerts are coming up and get tickets. Or do you like to play an instrument, or do you want to take an acting class? Theater and classical music are big broad areas with lots of potential for things to do.

Hey, KingsleyHere protectors, just tell him that. He needs to know when he does something that pisses you off, even if he means well. You don’t have to put up with being upset about it. A good T will apologize for offending you, and encourage you to always let him know when he says something you don’t like.

—NoName

Yegackle wrote:Hello. My name is Blake. I'm the primary protector for my system (although, I was only recently titled as such).
I do a bit of everything, so I carry a lot of responsibility (keep in mind I don't say this proudly; I don't flaunt this-- I'm just stating fact).

Hello. I'm a defender and do take credit for it. I don't think it as a responsibility, it's the way I am. And you need to start saying your stuff with proud, or change your job description. It's your call.

Yegackle wrote:As primary protector, I often come out when work needs to be done or when we're in a stressful scenario. I also hold some trauma and other more unpleasant things like that.

I was talking with one of the host's friends recently. They told me that I don't seem to have much time to myself, to do what I want.
I've never thought of it that way. I always thought that I didn't need leisure time, since I enjoy being able to help the system in any way I can (although, not all alters appreciate it).

Make them respect it, or change your job description.

An example from somewhere else: Think about stay at home moms. They can think they "just" stay at home and aren't able to do anything meaningful, which makes them lesser than their men who go to work everyday. If that's what they believe, that's how they'll behave and that's how their kids and husband will see them too. They can also realize that they're the people who raise the next generation and therefor decide how the future world will be like, which is way more than going to work to be able to carry food home to your wife to serve them while they do the most meaningful thing that exists. They take credit for what they do, see the power they have because of it, and kids or husbands don't have any say on it.

No one is gonna be respected if they are whiny about it. "You must respect me or you're not fair!" Does that sound like someone you gonna look up to? No. Why would you, when they don't do it themselves either. When there's things to change, it happens when you see yourself as someone who is key to how you will be seen and what happens. If you ever start to be victim of circumstances, that's all you're gonna be in future too.

If you decide to still do a lot for the system, make them see who does that all. Working for what's best for the system does not make you system's servant, but opposite of it.

Yegackle wrote:But... maybe this friend is right?
When they asked me what it is I like to do for fun, I had no response. I mean, I like classical music and theater but that's about all I could come up with.

It just seems like all I do is work. I'm not complaining about it but... I think I'd really like to try spending time for myself.

You're not happy, do complain. You inform others this is what I need in order for me to do what I do. More you do, more they owe you. Know your value and don't be sorry about it.

Babies need babysitters, but that's a job for caretakers, not protectors. System doesn't need babysitters. Let them make their mistakes and learn from it, and they don't need you for every little thing in future. You're there to take care of safety, things that actually matter, not to keep all happy inside bubble wrap.

Yegackle wrote:Do any other protectors have this problem?

Thanks,
Blake

You're welcome and no, don't have that problem. I'm way too sexual to have my life outside, it's mostly inside. Things I want from outside I take, and my job is not what I do, but who I am. All good.

Sami

So, went to see the Planned Parenthood's psychologist - we are going to work on, what I want, and how to set limits. I really really need to learn to protect by setting limits rather than going front and taking all the abuses while blocking everyone away from front.

I'll see him again next month, and I got "homework" to do. I'll see with the others to help me with it. He asked me to list all the things I accept to do with people and the things I do not accept, and to think about them as what are my needs and wants if I were to live just by myself. To not care about what others might think about the list, and only go by my guts. Since with people my guts go "be front and take it all so no-one else but you suffers" I need to put myself in a vacuum before thinking about the list.

Won't be easy. But I'll work on it anyway. No pain, no gain.

--Zami--

IainEtc wrote:Pixie - Glad you're writing. Are those jerks still messing with you? That was p*ssing me off just reading about it.

Mo - Tell me about it! People preach to us all the F-ing time. I guess they can smell the trauma. Swoop in like buzzards. Some are F-ing aggressive! Host tries to be polite but that just makes us look easy. They get a surprise when I come out.

Zami - Everybody protects the best way we can. Keep writing to us.

Colin

It's been quiet on that front... but there's like some things... the person that came over with the "demon" talk hasn't been around much at all, distancing himself I guess- maybe it's a "punishment" for rejecting his view?! THEY cancelled the Tuesday Bible study thingy after that, too... and he secretly (without telling Zor) removed Zor from the chat for the prison thingy he's been involved in for like 18 months (or more)- teaching there, part of a ministry they were all part of.

So there's been that BS, but otherwise, quiet. Still trying to get his wife to like realize how WRONG entirely that he is, and stop seeing us so negative only and hating us... but one step at a time, right?

Friday we leave for a 10-day vacay with her sister and fam... so like 2 days travel (on either side) and a week in Orlando at a theme park... so people around ALL day EVERY day, AND massive crowds for hours several days... It WILL be troublesome at times, and IDK how we're gonna "hide" us entirely... cuz like 25-35 hours a week he notes we're out... and it is NOT a "controlled" thing, especially with crowds and us being uncomfortable in them (usually I find myself out cuz of them).

{\Pixie/}

So I had all these plans of going to the police with all the fragmented parts flashbacks - idk a proper term so I'm saying it like that, hope someone gets what I mean.

Then I spoke to the copper - eventually, when I managed to get to the phone because everyone else pretty much was trying to avoid him. And he tells me I said "nothing ever happened" I didn't know what to say so I said nothing for a few moments trying to proceed how that happened but I had to take his word for it. He said "still send him the writings" but I'm not. It's a waste of time "pearls before swine" springs more than aptly to mind.

So I'm reasonably peed off of course and I'm still trying to work out what to do. Letting people get away with things is not on my résumé. I'm actually extremely peed off but I processed it some and have calmed down.

Anyone else get screwed over by themselves like this? Because that's basically what it is, got screwed over by my own "brain" or "other parts of myself" or however it's termed best.

Paul

-- Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:16 pm --

Hey Pixie, sounds like a good thing in a way not to have to be around this idiot. Yes Zor liked the Bible group but what long term effects being around this crazy "maybe its demons" guy would have on Zor and all of you? Much luck, Paul

Pixie. Don't make things more complicated than they are. You are not able to do things you are not able to, and no one is able to reed your minds. Communicate.

We don't spend time with people longer than day and half, she says aloud we don't, that's the point we need a break, and also after that when ever we say so. It's not that hard. Give people chance to co-operate.

That's how you change your world.

I'm not the guy for nice wording, in case you need help with that, contact our host.

Sami