we have Somatic Experiencing. That works with impulses a lot. This is the relevant article that describes the basic approach
https://www.dis-sos.com/releasing-traum ... body-work/ we think of the situation that stresses us today and look for the impulse connected to that. In this case it was words and a hand movement. The hand movement is a non-verbal expression of a boundary. the movement is slowed down and repeated very slowly while we mindfully notice what we are doing. it makes the body realize that it is in fact setting a boundary right there.
We noticed that our impulse for words was not addressing the current situation, it was addressing the mother. So we switched to following the impulse thinking of that situation. that is when eventually we realized that we are talking to the air, she is not here. it has the quality of a realization that counters derealization, or a situation stuck in the past. In a way we ended up in the present with the new understanding that the defensive motion isn't needed anymore because the situation is over.
Mixed in we had the situation of parts like Age going into freeze when we attempted to defend ourselves. we grew up in an environment where trying to protect ourselves led to more harm, ridicule and torment. we couldn't possibly succeed. So we have parts who stop every attempt to prevent more harm and then hold still. allowing things to happening without making them even worse for us. that is really good protection in this specific situation. in our family, boundaries were not allowed. that is why parts try to keep us from having them.
but it meant that everything was utterly enmeshed. everything depended utterly on pleasing the mother one way or another. there was no room for being ourselves, having our own opinion, expressing our own thoughts. that is the topic we are working on in therapy right now. Although we can express strong opinions in writing we wouldn't dare to speak a word in a team situation. at work or even just group therapy we are silent and invisible. the goal is to learn to be more of a tangible person outside of our writing.
that is why we need to un-mesh from our mother. our T just gets caught it in through transference. By un-meshing the mother situation we get a better sense of being un-meshed from the T as well. In that relationship we can actually be an independent person whose world does not depend on the T. it is hard to explain but it feels like the boundary is what makes it possible to feel like ourselves. out of the danger zone. maybe that is very specific to our situation... but when there is a boundary we don't have to react to everything she (mother or T) does. We are not in the past where someone elses moods and actions dominated our whole life. she (mother or T) can do her thing and there is a space between us and we do our thing and when there is an interaction we process things and see what we make of it. somehow the boundary exercise helped us feel more in the present and less like the reactive child that constantly watches for signs of trouble and how to please.
I am not sure if this could be replicated because it is born of the impulses in a specific situation and that is always the key element because it means we work with what is at the surface and ready to be processed. not sure if I explained it well enough.