keep on keeping on

our T didn't respond to my email with an email, which was hard and caused more insecurity, but this time she brought it up in session. she is trying hard to attune and to understand what is happening. I think it is mainly because there is a lot going on and it gets all mixed up, that its so difficult.

we spent 3 days with our vaccinated friends in an airbnb. like a small vacation. it was good to see something different, not our tiny apartment, and to have others do things for us. A much needed break. it was obvious how much psychological stability I gained in such a short time, even though it was draining. after more than a year of isolation being around people for days in a row was hard.

one more week before we go to the trauma clinic. we've exchanged emails with their head T a couple of times. he has prepared everything for us. even down to asking us when we want to have our first session, which room we will get etc. it is a bit overwhelming to hear how happy he is to see us. the opposite of our regular T. she sounds like a automated machine when she writes while he is very open about his feelings toward us. I have started crying a couple of times now because it is so big. I can still regulate, but it is a real challenge. 8 weeks of that...

we had to spend a ton of money to prepare for the clinic. we usually wash clothes more often and don't own that much. we needed new swim dress, shoes, shirts, pants, underwear, everything. we also invested all our birthday money into proper noise canceling headphones. I am afraid we would go nuts without them. preparing for that stay is really challenging. our body work T helped us to prepare. we need to focus on the limits of our capacity and not push through things. even if we work with pain, especially then. it could easily get retraumatizing if we pushed through that. I hope we will find support for that approach in the clinic.

Hi birdsong folks,

Just wanted to let you know that we've been catching up with what you've posted here during the past couple of months, and that we care.

We hope that your upcoming stay at the clinic is a success.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:We didn't do anything, did we? Sometimes we post a link to your blog, or to a specific article, on reddit, so other people can find it. But I don't think we ever even quoted from it.

Same here. We value your friendship, birdsong folks, and have a great respect for your expertise and for your right to protect your work.

MDs

thanks MDs.

we thought it would make sense to read 'teaming', because it is about team work and even though it has nothing to do with trauma or dissociation, it seems important for collaboration. then we saw that there was an earlier book, 'the fearless organisation' and maybe it builds on that? so we started reading that first. a system is a form of organisation if you will.
and damn. it speaks to some of our controlling parts in a way that nothing has before.
halfway through our head is smoking and a lot of old patterns get questioned.
honestly, if the T had said the very same things they would not have believed it. there is something about getting it from a book that shares analyses done in big companies and quotes from endless hours of interviews.
it is a lot more deep work than we had planned for the last few days before we are leaving. but it feels like a HUGE breakthrough.

Hi Asti,

Congratulations on the breakthrough. We're glad for you.

Who is the author of Teaming? We're interested in learning more.

MDs

Both books are written by Amy Edmondson. so far we are still in The fearless Organization, so we can't tell if Teaming is worth reading. if you beat us there, let us know what you think.

Those books sound interesting! Can't wait to hear more about what you think of them!

When do you leave for the clinic? And I don't remember--will you be able to post while you're there? We're here for you if you need support.

I love to hear about the T there. He really seems to have the right idea about how much love and care is needed on top of (or underneath?) all the necessary skill and experience.

we are leaving monday morning. the first 2 days will be chock-full of interviews, examinations and appointments with pretty much everyone we will work with.
can't wait to see the art therapist she is really slow and never gets a thing we do in that art room.
the T even asked us when we want to see him and allowed us to push it back to tuesday morning. we will be toast on monday.
they do have internet but only in one room and its not fun to sit there. we probably will write a bit but we will get badly behind with reading.
today was the big washing day. then I made us take a break. they are pretty stressed out about forgetting something. but we might take less than ever really.
it's really cool that they got me more graphic novels for our birthday. I only got to read one now, haven't been front much...
Honestly, I hope the T doesn't get too friendly. we don't want Tara to molest him. She an get a bit intense

Thanks for the info about the books, birdsong folks. We doubt that we'll be able to do more than look them up; we don't have the bandwidth to a lot of reading now.

Sending good thoughts,

MDs

we arrived well. and instantly re-connected with our T here. he hasn't changed a bit.
work will be tricky. but he is brave and willing to face it. even working with Tara... she can be a bit intense...
we tried a migraine med for the facial pain and it did something. not perfect, but there was change. it means we are closer to finding help for that problem than we have ever been. that was day 3 in the clinic going fast as always.
there will be others with DID in the trauma group. we will see if we get along. it isn't always a given.
we want to work on moving more but when we do the pain explodes and then all the inner problems with Littles and Tara explode too. so we need to pace ourselves and be patient.
it looks like we will get into the pain group too. our schedule is fuller than it has ever been.
I feel happy. Being here and being able to work with that T is a huge privilege. he is amazing.
it is weird to know that he is reading our blog regulaly. and is a big fan of our work.
the first session already showed that we will heavily rely on each others abilities. totally on eye level. he gives us small challenges to figure out things that he will need as tools for the process. and I am pretty sure we found one asnwer already that he knows nothing about, so we can teach him a new tool. going back and forth like that between us... it is a pleasure to work like that. it really is. we are in a good place right now.

So happy for you, birdsong! I hope things continue to be productive and to go well.