Need Support

Thanks, Iain.

You're actually very smart. And you're kind, which is a good thing. But even the smartest and kindest people have their own difficult things to deal with now and then, as you described in another thread.

We're staying home from work today to rest. We have a number of days available to do so, and while we use them judiciously, we know that today is one of those days. I'm working hard to keep us on course, with a help of a few others.

It will help to know that people who care are keeping us in their thoughts.

Mary and others

Cullen of Conjoined Minds says:

First, wow, MD! 10 pages worth of posts in two days? You're so loved!

Anyway, hi! I read your blog, so here's my response to the source of your anger:

We may not know exactly what you went through, but we've had to endure the burden of generational perfectionism, too. This was from our father and grandfather, so nothing affected us in utero, but we still had to deal with it growing up.

I hope it helps to know you're not alone, at least to fight the sense of isolation.

Bye!

PS: We check your blog every day for updates. You guys inspire us.

Hi MDs,

I think about you a lot. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. We are too.

Iain

I am sorry you are struggling right now.

Does my starting the thread about time to diagnosis have something to do with that? Some others here are feeling extra stressed right now. I am sorry to have contributed to that. At the same time I am also not sorry. Sometimes it seems like everyone makes out as if DID is a non-problem, but then when we stop and look back, well Crap! for most of us it is a problem. It might not be as big as the problems we might have if we didn't have DID, given the stuff that happened to us, but that is small or no consolation.

Anyway, a day off for self care sounds like a great idea.

we are thinking of you

Hi all, and thank you.

Truly_Happy, no, it wasn't 10 pages in two days. This is a journey thread, and it was started a year and a half ago. But you're right in that the people in this place show that they care. Thank you for being one of them.

birdsong, thank you.

Iain, thank you for thinking about us. We're glad that you're taking care of yourselves as well.

Una, thanks for caring. No, we aren't triggered by your survey. We know that you like to research, so we just figured that it was "situation normal" for you. I/Mary am very interested in research and learning, so I'm looking forward to your sharing the data and your conclusions later on.
__________

We stayed home today because we were feeling run down and feverish. We had spent most of the weekend in bed. Our original intent was to have a lazy weekend, getting caught up on our rest but not overdoing it. We don't manage sleep habits well; we often get too little sleep during the week and too much on the weekends.

A lot of our unhealthy behaviors are passive forms of self-sabotage rather than outright self-harm. We also know that this is not a biochemical issue, that is, one that can be helped by changing the dose of our medication. We determined over 10 years ago that our current dosage was the most helpful; anything higher increases our anxiety level.

Rather, at the root of our current problem is a confluence of major life stressors occurring during the last five to seven years: our father's serious illness followed by his passing and our need to sell his house, which was filled with four decades of accumulated possessions; our going through menopause, which brought ongoing migraines and PMDD, neither of which we had dealt with prior; repeated upheavals in our office environment, caused by changes in corporate philosophy as well as economic realities.

I personally tend to withdraw when faced with stress. I've done it our whole life. As a result I've not been as deeply harmed by our past as some of the others. I like to help them, but from the back seat of our metaphorical station wagon, and not by driving.

It's becoming obvious to me, though, that our healing requires all of us to step outside our respective comfort zones to some degree. One of our system's core principles is that responsibility lies with us five adults---all of us. In many ways we raised ourselves in the outside world, depending on ourselves for stability because we couldn't get stability or nurturing from adults.

A consequence of this is that for many years the minors in our system ran our daily life, while we adults hid inside feeling damaged. Granted, we've felt the damage in varying ways and to varying degrees. And also granted, even at optimum well-being, some of us would be more active than others, or at least more outgoing than others. But none of us are completely exempt. If one of us doesn't work toward healing, that individual doesn't heal, and the system doesn't heal.

So what do we do next? It's clear that no single one of us adults (and not just two of us either--we've tried that) can bear the burden of responsibility for the whole system's healing. I can opine on what each of the others needs, but each of them will have to decide and act. I can only work on me.

Hi MDs.

I'm sorry to hear about the complex situations occurring right now. We aren't very well acquainted, but I recognize your posts and you're in our thoughts all the same.

Thank you, shininglights.

Oddly enough, coming back in to work stabilized us somewhat. I say "oddly enough" because having to work is an ongoing bone of contention for many in our system.

And Charity often gets triggered simply by being at home, even though our present apartment, in which we've lived for 20 years, is not the source of any trauma. We live alone and have lots of quiet time to think and mull things over. It's hard for us to balance out downtime with keeping busy.

We have a lot to talk about in T tomorrow evening.

Mary and others

Checking in again. The weekend has gotten progressively harder. We feel very, very alone right now. It's hard for us to reach out to people. It's hard for us to blog or post. It's hard to do just about anything now.

MDs

hang in there MDs. The stars will be shifting soon.