Need Support

Please send whatever positive energy you can. We really need it.

Thank you.

MDs

Sending positive energy beams across the country to you!!

I saw a video of a Ted talk recently, and at one point the speaker said, "Feelings are a tunnel--we pass through them to the light at the other end."

I thought that might be a more helpful image for me to have than my usual one of "falling into a bottomless pit," although I don't think I've really had a chance to try it out yet.

Not sure if it's the least bit helpful to you, but thought I would mention it.

we are thinking of you and sending support.
you are not alone. We stand with you.
How was skype with your T

We all hope things work out for y'all, MDs. We hope everything you're going through works out for the best! ^w^
-Elder

Sending positive thoughts your way MDs!

V2

Thank you, Gang, Asti, Elder, and V2.

We're familiar with the "bottomless pit" feeling. It's awful.

The light at the end of the tunnel...perhaps, but you're probably familiar with "....is coming from an oncoming train."

Old patterns are very difficult to break.

Asti, the Skype session was helpful. She was more willing to make time for us than we thought she'd be, what with her ailing daughter. We've seen the exhaustion on our T's face for several sessions now. And we told her that we felt like we were making things harder for her because of her own obligations.

She insisted that this was not the case, that we can reach out to her if we need her. She may be limited to Skype for a while, and we may have to be flexible with dates and times. But we can reach out to her, and she will make time for us.

We appreciate everyone's positive thoughts and support.

MDs

We find it easier to deal with other people problems then we do our own so maybe its similar for her. Maybe it gives her a brake from worrying about her daughter when she makes time to help you. Especially if she feels like she can help you because you have said before her daughters condition is degenerative so she probably feels helpless a lot when it comes to helping her.

That's true. We have to remind ourselves. We usually think, oh, we're being a bother, or that no one could legitimately care about helping someone else, much less someone like us.

We hate the neediness and the melodramatic tendencies that these feelings bring out in us.

Thanks,

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:We usually think, oh, we're being a bother, or that no one could legitimately care about helping someone else.

This is a big issue for me. I've been having to ask my T to reassure me that I'm not a bother. And then, of course, I feel like it's a bother for him to have to answer that over and over (he says it isn't, and that he expects me to need to hear it again and again). We also talk a lot about his motivation for saying or doing certain things--is it to help me or just for him to feel helpful and like he's doing a good job?

Two things he has said that have helped me reframe this issue are, one, that he takes care of himself outside of the office, in his own life, so he isn't using me or my therapy to meet his own needs.

And two, that if he does or says something that's hurts me, he might feel bad about it because that's never his intention, and of course he wants to apologize and repair our connection, but it doesn't make him feel like a bad person. So it's not a personal, unhealthy need of his that he is meeting by helping me, even though he likes to and enjoys the work.

MakersDozn wrote:We hate the neediness and the melodramatic tendencies that these feelings bring out in us.

Do you think your T considers you to be overly needy, or melodramatic? I bet not. Do you check out those kinds of things with her? I find that the more I check out my automatic assumptions with my T, the more I'm able to view things differently. I hate those feelings less as I start to believe that he doesn't have the response to them that I either assume he does, or think that he "should."

(Nadia sent him a text asking if the texting with Little really wasn't a bother, and saying, "It SHOULD bother you!" He wrote back: "No. Bother. At. All.")

This is probably more just all about me than helpful to you--it's just what I was reminded of when you said you usually thought that you were being a bother.

This is very helpful, Gang. We identify with a lot of the attachment issues that you write about. We feel validated in knowing that someone else understands, although we wish that neither of us had to go through this.

Allegra is saying that if we were a bother, our T wouldn't keep seeing us for the last 14 years. I'm trying not to get into a pointless disagreement with her over this.

Thanks,

Charity