Question about co-conscious experiences

Just recently did certain things in my life happen that caused me to look into my symptoms. My symptoms lead me to dissociation and the different types, I found that I matched DID quite well. Then everything made sense, and that voice other than my own, introduced 3 more and a long lost voice came back as well. Everything matched up and I looked into the roles of why I have the alters. I read about them and realized that not all alters are the same gender as the body, or human and some are children. Even the usual characteristics of the gate keepers and protectors matched mine. I found this too coincidental. (I typed out each one, with their name, and personalities, and that is what I compared later once I did research and found general information on types of alters) There is more that matches as well, but I’ll stick to the alters.

Ok well enough about that, now to my question. I can only think of a handful of times that I have blanked out or had people tell me I did something that I still to this day have no recollection of doing. A couple times I have lost time all together but not often. So I figured I have always been the main one in control or co-conscious. So my question is that if this could be what others have felt as co-conscious.

Today I have had to deal with some super stressful life changing choices and situations. It is not easy and does not only affect me, several people to be exact. So I’m sitting at my work desk looking at my desk and I’m thinking,

“well alters if you’re here to help me and take over, then go right ahead, be my guest.”

During this thought I am dissociating harder than usual, my visons is blurring to the point I am almost blind, I become sleepy, and my eyes almost move so quickly you could say they are vibrating. Then something in me snapped or clicked, I felt fine and ready to take on everything. I could realize my facial expressions had changed, and I was talking differently, my own body felt different. However it was still me in control. I thought that I’m still here but at least I feel better. Then after the day passed, I reflected on the day, and while I remember doing certain things it almost feels like a dream and I can’t exactly remember the emails I’ve sent or anything else I’ve done. But I know I did them and experienced the entire day, just seems foggy. I remember doing things, just the main things not the finer details of those things. Like I sent emails, but don’t remember what the emails said. I have a very good memory, and remember conversations word for word, verbal or written. What this sound like to you guys? Thanks for any responses.

That sounds like co-consciousness to me. That happens with me as well. Where I'll feel determined to do something but then when I go to recall it, it's fuzzy, like it was a dream or I'm severely detached from the memory.

Thanks for the response. Yeah a detached feeling from the memory is a good example. I've had instances where I've been working or whatever and looked at the clock and realized it's much later, like four or five hours later. I can't remember anything I've done and often wonder what was I doing the last four hours, sitting staring at a wall? I was usually fascinated by it this was before I knew about DiD. but that was just my experience today.

I had something like that last year where I was in the middle of writing an assignment for a class and then all of a sudden couldn't remember what the assignment was supposed to be about and reading what I had already written didn't help. It felt like I didn't even have that class earlier that day since I couldn't remember much from it.

Sounds like a mild form of co-consciousness. Do you have other questions about this? In our system, most of us are co-conscious with each other.

Pasquale

Violarules wrote: middle of writing an assignment for a class and then all of a sudden couldn't remember what the assignment was supposed to be about and reading what I had already written didn't help. It felt like I didn't even have that class earlier that day since I couldn't remember much from it

Hate it when that happens, and the funny thing is when im bored and zoned out or doodling or writing random short stories I remember the class pretty well. The couple times what you mentioned has happened I'm usually paying attention, I guess. Bet that happens when I study like crazy and I still do bad on the test because I remmeber nothing. Ha that's gonna be my excuse anyway.

ElKahn wrote:Sounds like a mild form of co-consciousness.

Does what I typed sound like co-consious more or less to you as well? And if you want to share anything you think I should know, like experiences of your own, then i'd love to hear them. From anyone else as well.

Our experiences mostly consist of being aware of each other's presence and of what happens when someone else is fronting. If it resonates with you, then it's very likely to be co-consciousness.

Pasquale

I had a vivid co-consciousness experience yesterday that I thought I'd share. My husband did something that angered an alter (Alison) and in a moment I "became" her on the outside. I could feel her raging at the thoughtlessness and stupidity of my husband, and she was acting very angry on the outside for a second, until she was able to pull herself together and act okay for the sake of the kids. I was inside thinking, "wow, I am really mad, aren't I?" and I could feel the rage and betrayal that she felt. I heard her internally talking about how terrible my husband was and how unlivable this situation is. I felt great sympathy with what she was thinking and wondered, "is this right? is it really this bad?"

(Let me say that the "terrible" thing our partner did was fail to get the kids into their pyjamas while we were out grocery shopping. --Alexander)

She and another angry alter together did some chores. All the while she/I was thinking something like, "look at him, not helping me at all, like I'm some kind of slave." Meanwhile, Terry was swearing under his breath and banging things around. (In reality, our partner does more than his share of housework.) I was watching from outside, thinking, "uh oh, this behavior is really not acceptable. how can I stop it?"

Then Alison sat surfing the internet, stewing, and I was there, wondering, "how am I going to get out from behind this?" My husband identified Alison, which made her mad, and asked her what was bothering her. She talked about how maybe we should put the kids in daycare because she hates being a SAHM. My husband was in favor of it if it was what we needed to be mentally okay.

Finally, I was able to "break out" from behind her, and my husband recognized me and said so. We talked about what happened. I apologized. He said it used to hurt him before he knew I have DID, but now he finds it kind of amusing getting to know Alison.

Oh, and I forgot, there was another angry part that my husband recognized but that I don't remember. The one that doesn't talk except in monosyllables. That part was there for a few minutes, too, but I was not co-conscious for that.

Nondescript, I might be wrong but this sounds like co-hosting, which is slightly different from co-consciousness.

I didn't have control over what we were doing. If we were co-hosting, I think I'd have some input. It was co-consciousness as opposed to co-presence in my book because I could "hear" Alison's thoughts and felt my own thoughts influenced by them. I don't think she was aware of mine, though.