Therapy for Paranoid Little

I'm so disappointed because my little can't think of what to say to my therapist. The therapist last week suggested we imagine my little is sitting in a chair in the therapy room. T suggested the child could have her back turned to T if it would help. That triggered something and I suddenly said that the child would rather sit facing sideways to T in case T decided to throw something at her, like a stick or some object. After the session, I felt such despair all this week because my T has always been so comforting and patient. I felt I let her down, but I couldn't help blurting out what the child really thought at that moment.

Hi Restin Wells,

Welcome to the forums.

I think what you child thought, that you transmitted, was perfectly alright. I wouldn't want to be backwards, and there's no need to be. Your little one, needs to connect on her own with their T, and it's a very smart solution to be sideways instead of backwards.

I don't think you let her down, quite the contrary, your little gave a great step communicating with your T.

Maybe you could try and see why you felt in such despair. Maybe you think that you were supposed to do what she said after she's been comforting and patient. However, you, and your little one, are entitled to feel however you feel. And communicating that with your T, and actually with anyone around, enhances communication.

Take care you all.

Sea

Thank you, Seaangel, Your ideas are helpful. Sometimes inner child reactions are mysterious at first, and are responses I wouldn't think of myself as an adult. I'm so glad my T knows how to work with alters and treats like real.

Restin Wells wrote:I felt I let her down, but I couldn't help blurting out what the child really thought at that moment.

You think you let down your therapist by allowing an alter to speak? Is this therapist trying to suppress your DID? I hope not! Did you ask your therapist if she was disappointed to hear what was actually going on inside? I would expect a competent therapist to be delighted.

For me, allowing communication to happen has been one of the main things I've had to work on in therapy. When I manage to do what you did, I am so pleased with myself! Likewise, I am pleased for you.

My therapist reassured that my Little's response of suspicion was OK. T knows how to do this work but the unfolding has been slow because of trust issues and other therapists that disallowed transferenc in the past.
Last session, my little, Kia, said she wants to stay in T's Snoopy doghouse she has in the room. T thought it was just for the session, but I said Kia means always, and no other kids are allowed in the room. I can't believe I trusted T to say all that. I've been nervous all week over it as I was never allowed to say any affectionate or dependency things as a child.
T said it was fine with her if my little "imagines" being there all the time in Snoopy's house, then asked me if the "imagining' was ok with Kia. I felt Kia was so joyful, but also knowing that a crust of bread is heaven to a starving person. But I understand some things about transference and imagining is all that will be allowed. I think Kia and I can work with that.
Thanks for your comments. This is great to share DID with others who understand it!

Hi Restin Wells,

Things sound they are going pretty well. I'm glad Kia can be in the Snoopy's House, even as if imagining.

I'm glad your therapist reassured you, and I'm glad you feel validated by her, and here in the forum.

Restin Wells wrote:I've been nervous all week over it as I was never allowed to say any affectionate or dependency things as a child.

Yes, now, you and Kia are allowed to be affectionate and depend on to others.

Really glad to read you.

Sea

Restin Wells,

Thanks for sharing about this experience. And thank you also to Una+. It seems like my therapy sessions are all struggle. Not a dramatic struggle of me rapidly switching or something like that, but a struggle for me to "listen inside" and yet not being able to identify or articulate what I am experiencing, whether it is contact from alters or something else. (I don't feel like I was always this unable to express my inner experience. Or maybe I have always been.)

Last time in therapy while stuck in a frozen state, I did hear/know something and felt compelled to say it but somehow couldn't. I couldn't remember what it was within a few seconds of experiencing it, except to remember it was something "rude" in some way. I wish I had been able to say whatever it was. I'm glad you were able to speak up for your alter in therapy, Restin Wells, and that it had a good outcome or you.

I wanted to add that Una+'s post reminded me that there is no such thing as "bad communication" in my case as long as I am communicating. The therapist is not there so that I can please her with my nice words. She's there to help me reach a goal we are both aware of. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed much of the time in therapy that it is hard to remember what the goal is, building connections between the partitions in my mind. Every attempt is progress, whether it results in rude utterances or nothing or glittering insight. Practice makes perfect.