Advice for DID sufferers who want to be parents

Hi everyone!

I'm an english female and I have DID. My alters have taken a long journey and now we are all very cooperative and settled (apart from the odd disagreements!).

My dream in life has always been to be a mother and as I think integration wouldn't be the best way forward for me, I am dealing with the fact that one day I am going to be a mother WITH my alters!
I have a long term partner who is really supportive and friends with all the alters, and we wanted to get advice from DID parents or children of DID sufferers on what did and didnt work for you!

Most of the info I find is about single parents who had DID, parents who didnt know they had it until much later, or even parents with DID whose children also have it! This has all been really interesting but I'm wanting advice more relevant to my situation: a father, a mother (me) with coopertive DID, and children most likely without it

thanks xx

I know you want advice from someone like you, but I thought I'd give you my 2 cents. I was diagnosed much later after having children...If it worries you that much go into therapy after you give birth or prior...You never know what might trigger your parts to become uncooperative, you know such a major life event...Pregnancy, child birth, sleepliness night, terrible two's etc... Of course, if you attend T once a month or so already then I guess your okay.

When you mean that you have taken a long journey, do you mean you have been through therapy or other methods of getting all of you to work together?

I don't think parenthood is contraindicated at all. I know a healthy, cooperative multiple who is an outstanding parent. Her system had worked themselves out years before parenthood. They remain multiple and have built a life that satisfies them. I don't think this type of multiplicity is the sort that traumatizes children.

Having said that, parenthood is a minefield for people who have undergone childhood trauma in a family context. Even if you think you have worked out all your triggers, you are likely to discover more as you navigate pregnancy, birthing, and parenthood. Also, you may find yourself arguing over parenting and life decisions with new intensity as a parent. When life is suddenly no longer about you (plural), but about the baby, too, decisions and the right or wrongness of them take on new dimensions of stress. You may want to think about how you might react to these, and have plans for extra support in case you need it.

Considering the nature of DID, I did not believe it was something genetic that could be inherited. Is there evidence of this?

Triggering content possibly..
# of questions I have about this!! I'm considering having another baby, but due to my mental health history it seems quite impossible. I want to do it in a non traditional way for money and also because of an abortion that I regret.......When I thought about this as a way to kind of, well a form of healing, parenting an possibility for someone who isn't able. After the researching requirements I wonder about the question that Nanashi posted.... Is there a genetic component to DID?

It is something I've pondered for a few reasons. My mom is trauma survivor and has some unresolved issues that I've noticed growing up as a child and even now as a senior citizen.... She has several labels as well to the point of a mental breakdown around her mid thirties, about the same time/age as myself ironically enough..... I don't think I had a lot of torture or the worst, but I think that is way television depicts it that a person MUST have gone through the worst. Then at the same time having alters is what it is the denial and protecting of memories/thoughts/feelings the amnesia gaps in years of life and lack of thoughts/ feeling/ memories for small amount of trauma that is remembered initially and throughout therapy..... The innate easy ability to dissociate...Then I thought about my trauma doesn't really qualify for torture, extreme, sadistic, cult ritual etc....But then again I'm mostly an adult thinking being molested is what I remember as a child then there are the gaps in years. I got memories of being molested some time about being rape, flashback trickled in at about after about 25 years old. Now, we experienced extremely/sadistic abused while married as a adult....Stuff I still don't talk about openly, I have no clue if some of all of these happened while I was child....I stayed in that bondage for over 10 years. ....I'm going to take the professionals word for it , but often wondered what role my mom and dad played in it..I often wondered if some of it is attributed how my parents had unresolved issues....At the time of her breakdown she only was in T for 3 weeks, but then she said she was in therapy for a long time. My mom has depression, anxiety, eating disorder and I wondered if she has a dissociative disorder...I remember some things growing up some of the signs, different ways of talking, gestures etc. My mom had her space invaded by her Father, she doesn't really remember if he touched her memory vague, but she vividly remember waking up with him on top of her under her cover...That is serious a Father trauma, right. .As she went through therapy during her mid thirties the parts of the story concerned the mental health professionals and wondered if her Father was around the youngest children....She worried that the information might anger her mother, so I often wondered if she stopped attending T at that point or if the clinician thought she was strong enough that they discontinued sessions was the recommendation....But then again, as a senior citizens (69 years old) it is too late to screen her for it like how I was... At the very least I know both my parents have inner child's that experienced trauma....

If anyone else has any advise on what Nanashi posted that would be great.

buter8137 wrote:Triggering content possibly..
# of questions I have about this!! I'm considering having another baby, but due to my mental health history it seems quite impossible. I want to do it in a non traditional way for money and also because of an abortion that I regret.......When I thought about this as a way to kind of, well a form of healing, parenting an possibility for someone who isn't able. After the researching requirements I wonder about the question that Nanashi posted.... Is there a genetic component to DID?

It is something I've pondered for a few reasons. My mom is trauma survivor and has some unresolved issues that I've noticed growing up as a child and even now as a senior citizen.... She has several labels as well to the point of a mental breakdown around her mid thirties, about the same time/age as myself ironically enough..... I don't think I had a lot of torture or the worst, but I think that is way television depicts it that a person MUST have gone through the worst. Then at the same time having alters is what it is the denial and protecting of memories/thoughts/feelings the amnesia gaps in years of life and lack of thoughts/ feeling/ memories for small amount of trauma that is remembered initially and throughout therapy..... The innate easy ability to dissociate...Then I thought about my trauma doesn't really qualify for torture, extreme, sadistic, cult ritual etc....But then again I'm mostly an adult thinking being molested is what I remember as a child then there are the gaps in years. I got memories of being molested some time about being rape, flashback trickled in at about after about 25 years old. Now, we experienced extremely/sadistic abused while married as a adult....Stuff I still don't talk about openly, I have no clue if some of all of these happened while I was child....I stayed in that bondage for over 10 years. ....I'm going to take the professionals word for it , but often wondered what role my mom and dad played in it..I often wondered if some of it is attributed how my parents had unresolved issues....At the time of her breakdown she only was in T for 3 weeks, but then she said she was in therapy for a long time. My mom has depression, anxiety, eating disorder and I wondered if she has a dissociative disorder...I remember some things growing up some of the signs, different ways of talking, gestures etc. My mom had her space invaded by her Father, she doesn't really remember if he touched her memory vague, but she vividly remember waking up with him on top of her under her cover...That is serious a Father trauma, right. .As she went through therapy during her mid thirties the parts of the story concerned the mental health professionals and wondered if her Father was around the youngest children....She worried that the information might anger her mother, so I often wondered if she stopped attending T at that point or if the clinician thought she was strong enough that they discontinued sessions was the recommendation....But then again, as a senior citizens (69 years old) it is too late to screen her for it like how I was... At the very least I know both my parents have inner child's that experienced trauma....

If anyone else has any advise on what Nanashi posted that would be great.

Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your mother, father went through. I wish she could have had help earlier in life, but maybe if you are receiving help, there a some things that you can put her mind at ease with, just maybe not all. Love is the greatest medicine. This is an important question for me since I somewhat still consider the idea of having children, but not if something like this passes down. If it only means more susceptible to dissociating, I can deal with that. Just not any more. I have nothing against my alts, but I can't imagine a child with them without cause. There is a lot of other things I would not care to pass down, so this adds to that list in making me not consider the thought.

It is well documented in the professional literature on the natural history of DID that someone who has DID is likely to have at least one parent who has DID. This means that a parent who has DID is likely to cause their children to have DID. Richard Kluft has published articles and book chapters about this important problem. So has Peter Barach, and one of his articles is reprinted on the web. See link below.

So, advice. This is my advice, and what I did:

• Get into therapy/counseling, possibly to include working with a marriage and family therapist (MFT).
• Participate in any available community support programs for parents of young children.
• Disclose your condition to all relevant care providers (ob/gyn, pediatrician, teachers, daycare and school administrators, sitters, close friends) and explain how your condition may affect your child.
• Provide information about DID and children to all relevant care providers. The more educated they are, the more likely they will notice and recognize any early signs of trouble, increasing your ability to obtain services and get early intervention if it is needed.
• Educate yourself, including learning the signs that a child may be dissociating. There is an expert screening checklist for young children, and another for adolescents.
• If there is any cause for concern have the child evaluated by someone who is qualified to evaluate children for all of the following: attachment disorder, abuse, dissociation.
• and
• Do all this knowing that doing so proves that you are a good enough parent, a safe parent, a reliable parent; and protects your family from anyone who attempts to take your child away from you.

Concealing or even denying the fact that you have a problem, not facing it, may feel safe for you and your children but actually is not safe. If you have DID then you know that your own family of origin was not a safe place for you. So please get expert help to ensure your family is a safe place for your children . . . and their children. Take action now to ensure the legacy you pass on is one of health and well being.

Peter Barach: Multiple Personality Disorder as an Attachment Disorder

Agreeing with most of what Una wrote. However....

Una+ wrote:If you have DID then you know that your own family of origin was not a safe place for you.

Not necessarily. Our mother was multiple, but we want to state categorically that neither of our parents was an abuser. Most of our abusers were classmates and other people our age; a few abusers were teachers or other adult non-relatives.

MDs