Therapist does not want alters to come out

I'm sorry to post again so soon but things are in an uproar right now in my system and I feel like I need to act quickly to capitalize on the communication I am receiving.

Before Christmas my therapist and I had a session which I vaguely recall we talked a lot about something involving my grief (I often can't remember my therapy sessions - someone else usually fronts I think). Well a few days after the session I discovered a new alter (Jessa). Also, it was like the gates of communication had opened. Suddenly I was hearing all this stuff. Mostly random stuff about the day - like a commentary. Nothing explosive like memories or anything. But it's new. And my alters know it's new too. They are absolutely thrilled to talk to me. And I'm glad too. It's just a little overwhelming. Also, another new alter has surfaced that stutters really badly. I don't know anything about him (I think it's a him) and he hasn't talked to me yet and the others haven't told me anything but he is definitely new. I do not have a stutter.

Anyways, I've been unsure what to make of all of this. So I called my therapist today to tell her the new events in my system. I felt like it was quite important and she would want to know. Well she reacted strangely. First, she didn't say anything and then she asked if I had been online reading stuff and that was the reason I had suddenly had new developments. She didn't believe me. She didn't believe me at all. I am online in this forum and on facebook but that did not influence my new alters. I already have checked inside with that again and again and again. I'm very cautious (probably overly so) that I'm not tricked into something by the power of suggestion. So I often don't believe things until they hit me over the head (metaphorically).

I always have to remain Kate. She's always asking for Kate back in therapy and quite honestly I'm tired of it. My alters want a chance to speak too and they hate not feeling listened to. It's very hurtful to them. She believes it's dangerous if I'm not out and completely in control. I know some can't drive and all that but why can't they be out sometimes? She thinks that if I have any control at all (which I don't really know if I do) I should keep everyone inside.

I don't know what to do. I've been seeing her for five years for various other mental illnesses but now something tells me her treatment for my DID is off. It just doesn't feel right to everyone. I'm very hurt she thought I made something up. And now my newest alter is very hurt before even meeting her. I feel like the trust I've put in her by telling her about my system has been destroyed. She doubts me. And that's heartbreaking. What do you think I should do? Should I try and repair this? Should I move onto a different therapist? I just don't know.

Congratulations on all this new progress! I am happy for all of you.

The therapist's reaction is inappropriate and not in line with up to date recommendations about treating DID. Therapists who expect to help a client with DID must be willing to engage with alters in some way. Chances are high it's time to find a new therapist.

I had to change therapists after diagnosis, too. My old therapist was willing to talk with alters but just didn't have any real experience with DID. She was very qualified for what I initially went to see her for, but not for helping me with DID. There was grief and sadness about needing to move on--she had helped me quite a lot. She'd been the first one I could talk with about many topics. It was hard searching for and starting with a new therapist in the midst of all this turmoil, but I found someone very qualified to treat someone with DID and it's been much easier since then.

Deliah and crew
Five years and your therapist never caught on you were dissociating. It time to find a knew therapist that is qualified in dealing with dissociative disorders.
Then again a lot of people will go 8 to 10 years before they are DX with DID and get a therapist that knows something about dealing with the disorder.
I agree with Nondescript that your Therapist is no current with DID treatment.
Thomas Lee
Us
watcheroflights

We would find a new therapist.

MDs

Nondescript wrote:
She was very qualified for what I initially went to see her for, but not for helping me with DID. There was grief and sadness about needing to move on--she had helped me quite a lot. She'd been the first one I could talk with about many topics.

That's exactly how this is. She is very, very qualified for what I went to see her for (eating disorder). In fact she is a nation wide expert. But DID - well she doesn't know much and she does admit it to me. She also is an expert in trauma which I thought would be fine but I'm learning there is a difference in treating trauma that does not result in DID and in treating DID.

watcheroflights wrote:Deliah and crew
Five years and your therapist never caught on you were dissociating. It time to find a knew therapist that is qualified in dealing with dissociative disorders.

watcheroflights

We she did diagnosis us in year 2 of seeing us. She just can't really help much. She sent us to an IP program in Washington DC that specialized in DID to evaluate us just to make sure she was right and that was helpful but since then I feel like we've really made no progress. Well we have - just not the right kind or very little.

MakersDozn wrote:We would find a new therapist.

MDs

Thank you MakersDozen. I feel lucky that I may have someone that I've already worked with. She is currently working with me on EMDR on a single phobia (not even trauma stuff - just a phobia) and I believe she has experience with DID. The first time I met her - my alters wanted to come out and open up to her. She just had that effect on them. They felt safe and loved. And in fact they have come out to work with her during EMDR and she is always very validating of them telling them how much she respects them for helping me. I think this may be more in line with what I need. I just need to talk to her and my current therapist arrangements.

I see my therapist next Wednesday. I am scared to talk to her about this. I don't want to hurt her feelings (I'm actually terrified she is going to find this and I'll hurt her feelings). She has told me before if I ever felt like I needed to move on she would support me so I know she won't be angry and will be supportive I'm just scared and worried about it. It's going to be so awkward. I wish I could see both therapists. But I don't think my current one would support that. Some of my littles are attached to her so taking her out of their lives would be hard. This next step will be difficult but I know it needs to be done. Now just to actually do it.

Thank you all for your replies.

Hi K,

You found very good answers here.

And seems you know what you want to do. Sometimes it's hard saying good bye to people we've connected with. You have the support of your T, and you'll find the help you're needing right now. She already helped a lot with what you reached her for.

It's a tough step to make, but I'm glad you have clarity over it.

Wishing you great new steps.

Sea

Hi K,

Glad you have someone more suitable lined up. Inside kids are usually good judges of such things. At the first appointment with our current T 10 years ago, we told her "Kecia says you don't suck." (Kecia is 10 1/2 to 11.)

Your current T's feelings shouldn't be a concern, even though it's easy to feel that way. You were paying her for a service that she did not provide properly, at least after the multiplicity came up. It's her job to deal with her own feelings.

Looking forward to hearing how this goes for you. Good luck.

MDs