Embarrassed when people know when switching

I used to avoid talking to my parents about my DID like the plague (they aren't my abusers though). I was/am embarrassed and I think they are uncomfortable too. But lately my mom has been talking to me a little bit more. She has told me she notices my eyes doing this weird thing sometimes and that's when I'll be at my most dissociative. She also notices me just staring in to space a lot. And she notices changes in my behavior and can definitely always tell when Katherine is out. Katherine is not shy and likes to be out though so she comes out a lot and is different than me so that probably is pretty obvious. But for her to admit it is kinda a big deal.

Anyways, I guess this is a breakthrough? It feels vulnerable though and I feel embarrassed. Has anyone else felt embarrassed when people know they are switching?

I think it is a good thing that your mom is aware and seems to be accepting of your DID by acknowledging it's an alter and not treating it as a mood swing which happens a lot in these kind of situations. I can see how it would make you feel vulnerable but having the support and understanding of your family is important because the more they know, the more they can help you. I don't think that my family can tell when I switch, especially since they don't know about my probable DID.

I struggle with this, too. It makes me feel so vulnerable and just too unhidden. But I try to push through this feeling with my partner because he can offer useful feedback and support for me and my others. It is a bit annoying when he tries to catch me forgetting things due to switching, as if non-dissociatives never forget anything!

It makes us feel very vulnerable and deeply shamed. Even fronting publicly for some causes lots of shame.
Few of the people who knew us knew we were DID before we did and recognize us when they/we front
very awkward.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I was kinda ashamed to post it.

But I'm so weird. Today my system is really really quiet. I can't really hear anyone. This isn't that unusual for me. I'm still learning how to communicate with everyone and (obviously) am still learning how to control switching but now I miss them!

Yesterday I was frustrated because I was so switchy and they were so close to the surface. Today I'm disappointed they aren't closer to the surface even if it means some little switches.

I'm so confused and I'm pretty sure they are too.

I worry so much after I've been social, wondering if the people I talked to thought I was acting. Like, if you don't know someone has DID, which none of my friends do, what are you supposed to think when someone you thought you knew suddenly says they're a different sexuality or change accents or become mouthy when they're usually mousey. I just feel like a freak most of the time.

Colher-6 wrote:what are you supposed to think when someone you thought you knew suddenly says they're a different sexuality or change accents or become mouthy when they're usually mousey.

I'd be curious. If the person is important to me, I'd like to understand what's going on. I'd be observant. I'd talk about it. I'd think we all have our own weirdness.

Sea

What does anyone think when another person suddenly changes right in front of them? Usually we think some version of "Whoa, what just happened?!" or "How interesting!" or "Are they on drugs?" or "Ah! This person is a multiple. Hm, does the host alter know?"

Beyond that, the reaction depends not on the switching itself but on the alter who comes out front to interact with us. In interactions with other multiples I have met creepy horny guy alters, depressed alters, suave sophisticated alters, guarded alters, pranksters, endearing child alters, frightened child alters, frightened adult alters, etc.

It sure is embarrassing to know that other people can see that you are switching. I feel much more comfortable when I know that the other person has the correct label for what they see, and that they don't mistake my variable behavior for psychosis or play acting. And after a few times of this happening, if the person does not cut me off out of fear or suspicion or whatever, I may begin to feel really good being with them. Being with them feels safe; here is someone who knows a very intimate thing about me, and they are not bothered by it.

I also feel a lot of embarassment when switching.. particularly when it's around people who don't know and it's an accidental switch -thankfully doe snot often happen-. It's mainly awkward for the one who switched, as they'll still have to act like me to avoid suspicion. Around people who do know, we don't mind showing ourselves, but the moment of switching itself feels really vulnerable.

Active switching takes a while for us, and it's awkward to know people are waiting until we've switched, and knowing how it looks from the outside -a lot of small noises that differ depending on who's switching in- and jerking body movements, makes it unpleasant to switch in front of people. The only one I don't feel embarassed with is our SO.. The vulnerability is especially because none of us can do anything if someone were to attack while switching. we'd be stuck in a confused half-state with no proper bodily control.