Tips for figuring out who you (plural) are?

It sounds like you were experiencing a "revolving door".

dissociative-identity/topic132631.html?hilit=revolving%20door

I experience this myself when I am in crowded public places. It has really added to my anxiety problems. I will start to experience anxiety for some reason and then it feels like one of my littles will come out. That will trigger one of the protectors (which can be angry towards external people or the one that is angry at me) or one of the helpers (mother, organizer). Often it becomes a revolving door as one will trigger another or more than one tries to come out at a time.

Physically, my vision becomes distorted and I get feelings of disorientation. I feel like controlling my body becomes difficult. Too many of us are trying to access control at one time and it becomes overwhelming.

I experienced this so much at the beginning that I am now too scared to go to many places. The anxiety begins now before I even leave to go somewhere. I have had some success when I take time to pre-discuss what/where we are going and what needs to be done with my insiders. Sometimes I've been able to make sure that one of the "helpers" is out before we even go which helps to prevent the anxiety which triggers the littles and the protectors. If I don't prep, I generally find myself lost in this cycle until I get out of the place/situation. I cannot regain control.

Thanks for helpful replies, CopperMoon and am4kds. Good insights there. Can't write a real reply now because I am not on a real computer.

I had a bad night of sleep due to baby and feeling like I was fighting the teen girl who wanted to get out of bed and cause problems. Now I am tired and panicked about handling the day and the week, which includes my husband being away for part of the time. Just wanted to write that somewhere so I can work up the courage to keep going.

I too seem to experience this revolving door problem when in public and it too seems to start with some anxiety. I find it seems like I keep forgetting how to walk and find I walk all weird and end up stopping myself often and try to get grounded again. I go from walking fine, to having a hard time just placing one foot in front of the other, I end up feeling and possibly looking like I am doing a sobriety test. lol My arms and legs feel like they are not mine and I cant get them to work properly. Then I will all of a sudden start walking like I own the place, then change to walking provocatively, then normal, then cant walk again. The inner feelings go with the actions, except the not being able to walk right, just leaves me feeling confused and almost panic for a moment. This happens every time I leave my house alone.

That was for sure a DID revolving door episode there, Nondescript. Non-DID persons simply do not have any experience anything like it. I am so excited, so happy for you about this part:

Nondescript wrote:For a moment, a look of recognition passed over my husband, and he said with big eyes, "your face looks wider," and I felt that "talking through" feeling, that he was talking to someone else, who received the words and seemingly chose not to acknowledge them. (My husband later said it was just at that moment that it seemed very obvious, but that my overall posture during this whole period was more slouched, tense, my eyelids set differently, yet he couldn't say that this wasn't just angry body language... and promised to notice more next time this happens.)

Yes! You felt the talking through feeling because when he spoke those words your husband was aware he was speaking to another part of you, not to you the host. That is a huge shift, a huge change of perception. Therapists too have to go through this awakening experience before they can really accept that DID exists. For us, their clients with DID, this is both good and bad. It means that we may have to work with therapists who have not yet become aware, but it also means that just by being ourselves in their presence we can help such therapists to become aware.

DID Forum: How do you to talk through the host to an insider?

am4kds wrote:It sounds like you were experiencing a "revolving door".

dissociative-identity/topic132631.html?hilit=revolving%20door

I experience this myself when I am in crowded public places. It has really added to my anxiety problems. I will start to experience anxiety for some reason and then it feels like one of my littles will come out. That will trigger one of the protectors (which can be angry towards external people or the one that is angry at me) or one of the helpers (mother, organizer). Often it becomes a revolving door as one will trigger another or more than one tries to come out at a time.

Physically, my vision becomes distorted and I get feelings of disorientation. I feel like controlling my body becomes difficult. Too many of us are trying to access control at one time and it becomes overwhelming.

I experienced this so much at the beginning that I am now too scared to go to many places. The anxiety begins now before I even leave to go somewhere. I have had some success when I take time to pre-discuss what/where we are going and what needs to be done with my insiders. Sometimes I've been able to make sure that one of the "helpers" is out before we even go which helps to prevent the anxiety which triggers the littles and the protectors. If I don't prep, I generally find myself lost in this cycle until I get out of the place/situation. I cannot regain control.

I have had this happen once. It was after a particularly tough session with my T. As we were going home I became weaker and weaker. By the time we got home everyone was trying to get control. My head felt like it was spinning and very noisy. I was pretty much out of it and pushed back. The next thing I remember is laying on the grass with my SO was gently patting me on my face and calling my name. It was surreal. Apparently no one took care of the body because no one could get control. Later I had a serious talk with everyone and said that they can't do that again. I gave 2 of them permission, oldest one has priority. They're 2 I know I can trust to get along and maybe even be co-conscious together if necessary if I ever get that way again. I am usually at my weakest on EMDR days because they are exhausting.

Thanks for the information and sharing your own insights and experiences about this.

The drunk staggering thing that DIDinCanada describes used to happen to me a lot. I had "episodes of ataxia." In fact, it is part of the reason probable multiple sclerosis was once my diagnosis. The sense of losing vision happens to me, too, but most of the time I can actually see, it mostly just "feels" like I can't see, or that my vision is limited somehow or in general messed up. (Doesn't make sense to me, either.) I wear a very strong glasses prescription, and sometimes it's like the prescription is wrong, but it usually only lasts briefly and I rarely take them off.

I am really amazed to hear that this, my typical experience on a regular basis, is so close to what others experience. I guess that is part of why life has been hard/stressful for me.

When I told my husband about the "revolving door" crisis, his response was that this happens with me all the time, that that's just how I am in general as a person. I was surprised he would say that, since he says he doesn't notice that much. Of course his statement is inaccurate, but it is interesting to know that he perceives me switching often.

Will write more later!

Nondescript wrote:I am really amazed to hear that this, my typical experience on a regular basis, is so close to what others experience.

This happens to me all the time. I too have had an optometrist get frustrated and accuse me of playing games because my visual acuity drifted during the exam. I often do have to take off my glasses because suddenly I cannot focus through them. Sometimes, especially during a revolving door episode, I cannot focus at all, and then everything starts to grey out. This is like tunnel vision, only transient.

Nondescript wrote:When I told my husband about the "revolving door" crisis, his response was that this happens with me all the time, that that's just how I am in general as a person.

That's just how he thinks you are. He has mistaken a state for a trait. My husband said something similar, although he was aware it was a transient state. Neither of us recognized the state as a symptom of pathology. It was only on reading about DID that I began to understand how many of my subjective experiences are not familiar to most other people. Most other people do not have similar experiences and in fact cannot relate to what I experience.

Now I know. And, as I talk more and more about dissociative experiences I hear some people say "Whoa. I can hardly get my head around that" but others have a look of shocked recognition and get very quiet. Those are the ones who dissociate, or know someone close to them who dissociates.

This is so frustrating - I want them to help and I've thanked them for their help and let them know that I need their help now to understand more...I'm logging my dreams which seems to be the only way they seem to be communicating to me. what and I doing wrong?