Watching Everyone else's lives as a D.I.D

I'm constantly envying everyone's life as a D.I.D. I wish I could do things and be as outgoing as other ppl but I'm so protective of my D.I.D and anyone finding out. Alot of times i feel like a coward because i am so calculating on how i move so no one else can hurt me or find out about it and use it against me. I feel imprisoned bc of it. Does anyone else go through this

I have always been mildly agoraphobic and had fairly high social anxiety. But, since my diagnosis I've developed full-blown agoraphobia. I don't do any grocery shopping anymore because it causes such severe panic attacks that I was dissociating. I avoid other people IRL as much as possible because I am afraid that they can now see right through me. It has been five months and I keep hoping that it will get better soon.

am4kds wrote:I have always been mildly agoraphobic and had fairly high social anxiety. But, since my diagnosis I've developed full-blown agoraphobia. I don't do any grocery shopping anymore because it causes such severe panic attacks that I was dissociating. I avoid other people IRL as much as possible because I am afraid that they can now see right through me. It has been five months and I keep hoping that it will get better soon.

I can relate to this 1000% I've been through that. It can get better. I had people tell me they felt that I was this way (D.I.D) and it wasn't so bad. They actually was still cool with me. I was more afraid of the destructive side. The little ones. I was out to eat with my SO and i was eating icecream as a little. I am in my mid 30's and look like a teen or early 20's and my SO looks like his age. We were getting a lot of busy bodies. Well as I was eating as a little this lady took notice and made it a point to mention it gave her an opportunity to call my SO out but we are actually close in age. I blushed but I shrugged it off eventually. Some days are dark when an alter can not handle the situation. But there's one that tells me one foot in front of the other. I get a lot of panic attacks that causes me to dissociate especially in a crowded room, Life's situation has been forcing me to leave my house (my safety place) but the removal of a very toxic person in my life has made leaving the house more tolerable. I also had an alter that deals with the public. She deals with like a poker game. You would never know the chaos inside.

-- Sun Sep 14, 2014 9:23 pm --

am4kds wrote:I have always been mildly agoraphobic and had fairly high social anxiety. But, since my diagnosis I've developed full-blown agoraphobia. I don't do any grocery shopping anymore because it causes such severe panic attacks that I was dissociating. I avoid other people IRL as much as possible because I am afraid that they can now see right through me. It has been five months and I keep hoping that it will get better soon.

I can relate to this 1000% I've been through that. It can get better. I had people tell me they felt that I was this way (D.I.D) and it wasn't so bad. They actually was still cool with me. I was more afraid of the destructive side. The little ones. I was out to eat with my SO and i was eating icecream as a little. I am in my mid 30's and look like a teen or early 20's and my SO looks like his age. We were getting a lot of busy bodies. Well as I was eating as a little this lady took notice and made it a point to mention it gave her an opportunity to call my SO out but we are actually close in age. I blushed but I shrugged it off eventually. Some days are dark when an alter can not handle the situation. But there's one that tells me one foot in front of the other. I get a lot of panic attacks that causes me to dissociate especially in a crowded room, Life's situation has been forcing me to leave my house (my safety place) but the removal of a very toxic person in my life has made leaving the house more tolerable. I also had an alter that deals with the public. She deals with like a poker game. You would never know the chaos inside.

It's not gonna be what you want to hear. But TIME. It takes time, to accept yourselves, understand yourselves, be in a place where you trust yourselves to cope with situations and not leave you vulnerable. To believe that you will be accepted for who you are.

Some of us are outgoing people and are happy going out for drinks with friends, others won't go anywhere like the supermarket or coffee shops. We're lucky that we're not working at the moment as it means we can leave the battle some days and just go out when we are feeling more confident. But honestly, we still go to craft groups, the dr's etc with Hannah's teddy. We put our hood up and music on and just go into our own little world, where we are on the boarder of the real world. Able to listen in when necessary and to keep us safe, but far enough away that it doesn't hurt.

I hope that one day you'll find a someone or a group to go to, that will show you its' ok to be you, that you will feel comfortable, then confidence will grow. I always think low confidence and self esteem can't be boosted without the help of others, without others willing to help you challenge it and lift you up in the lower times.

In this you are a newbie. Please don't beat yourself up for it. We all were newbies ourselves once, so rather than see yourself as lacking compared to oldtimers here you might see yourself as destined to become one of us.

Una+ wrote:In this you are a newbie. Please don't beat yourself up for it. We all were newbies ourselves once, so rather than see yourself as lacking compared to oldtimers here you might see yourself as destined to become one of us.

That' s sweet but I was saying more so for the non D.I.D's. the ppl who aren't stuck in there head.Maybe there's ppl who have D.I.D who don't have voices and nay sayers are your own altars. I've had d.i.d for over 15 years. I had no idea. I finally was sat down and told you are d.i.d

INEEDTHISS wrote:I've had d.i.d for over 15 years. I had no idea. I finally was sat down and told you are d.i.d

Situation normal. I found out in my 40's and what evidence I have suggests the first alter formed in infancy. It is typical for the host identity to be unaware until, finally, someone musters enough courage to sit them down and tell them. That someone could be an insider, or another person who has figured out what is going on.

I can understand, but how can someone find out unless you tell them. If they know are they intelligent enough to have a conversation on the topic past the definition and understand what it means and how yall experience it. From my understanding it personalbe for those who have it. Its not like you meet a bunch of D.i.d folks. Its okay to compare some stuff but to tell someone well if you dont have this or that then u aint got it then thats crazy. I quit worrying about people in that part of it. I do try to protect myselves and them finding out because then i believe people can use it against you.