Denial vs Truth...yup I'm new!

Hi Everyone!

Denial vs truth.....how can you tell the difference? I guess that question could be asked about many subjects...for now let's just limit it to the discovery of alters. I have not been dx DID, however we know I disassociate and avoid..and I want to present stuff to my T as honest as possible.

In a nutshell...what brought me to this point...I've always had chatter or "noise" in my head but always thought it was my ADHD. I've always talked to myself. My memory is full of holes...I mean entire years, especially in childhood. There have been times where I refer to myself as "we"...never thought a thing about it. There is known childhood trauma so one way we are approaching it is using EMDR. About a month ago was the first time we used it. I practiced "going to my safe place" which was wonderful when an anxiety attack started up! After the second session, which was just reinforcing the 1st session...things got..."weird." All of a sudden there was this part of me that felt strongly against doing this while another part of me was all for it. Where the weird part comes in is now the "chatter" could be heard. I could hear the anger in the voice, which was mine but not mine if that makes sense, asking me what I thought I was doing? We've gotten this far why do I want to drag everything out? Etc. it was at this point where it seems that a gate was cracked open because I hear more than "chatter" now. The other night I "met" a girl and I could see her in my mind! It's important to point out that I am NOT a visual person at all. When working with EMDR I don't actually see my safe place but feel it and just know about it. But I SAW this girl...we talked! The voices are usually mine but not mine...like they are different but I know it's in MY head! This isn't the only example but this is a book already.

I'm debating telling my T but am struggling with if this is real or not. So when you first became aware how could you tell if you were struggling with denial (you have to admit it is surreal) or with the fact that a part of you may be making it up or just be "crazy." (No offense meant but I couldn't think of a better way of putting it)

Thanks in advance for any input!
~Phe

If you trust your therapist, I'd encourage you to talk to him or her about your experience. If it turns out you do have DID, it's probably best to make it part of your trauma healing plan. Otherwise EMDR and other efforts to get better may backfire.

As you may have read, denial is a common reaction for people who have DID. The realization that you might have different senses of self that have their own experiences separate from yours is a very surreal experience, and the threat that recognizing DID is often perceived as by parts of yourself contributes to symptoms of derealization and depersonalization, which make it feel that much more trippy!

To get a better sense of what might be happening, I'd recommend you check this resource thread: outhttp://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic110069.html

Good luck, and see you on the boards.

Thank you!

Hello everyone, I'm a little nervous because this will be the first time in my life that I have reached out to others with the same diagnosis, for support... I have been diagnosed with DID by three Psychiatrists, 2 therapists, and a Licensed Psychologist so far. However, the problem is that I keep trying to put myself into denial because I don't want it to be true... The problem that I face when I try to deny the reality of the situation is that my DID gets out of control. What I mean when I say that is, I lose more time, along with being told that I have done or said something that most of the time destroys good friendships, etc... Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is that, if anyone has any advice on how I can accept my diagnosis so I can get the help I need, my ears are wide open??? I would truly appreciate any advice.

Hoping some of your other parts will see my question and help you find the answer

Why don't you want DID? I know it's a painful diagnosis, but if it's true then at least you have a label, one that can explain things - why you do certain things, act in certain ways, change, lost time etc. Are you scared that people will think you're crazy or hurt you again.

We still can't accept it everyday so that's ok. But don't you want to be recognised for who you are, be able to tell your story, and share your pain. The memories that you hold, you don't have to hold alone anymore. It's safe to tell - the others inside you won't laugh. They will play, smile, cry, hope, fear with you. Yes it will be painful to talk and find out what happened to everyone else, what they remember and why they are scared. But the pain goes, and filling the gap comes peace and contentment.

We didn't want to accept it either - because that would mean we got hurt when we were little. But time went by and we needed a reason to explain us. Explain the noise in our head, the screaming, the crying, all the emotions that were going through us, why we were reacting to things so strongly and saying things happened when they didn't. When we started to talk and share our experiences, it hurt, we cried, we painted, we listened to music. But then, over time, we grew to love each and every one. The way Charlie will just put a massive grin on her face and say something cheeky, the way Katy will go to meetings for us so we can play instead. The way Natasha walks up on her tippy toes towards shops. Steph's organisation skills. Some days we look at DID as having a team, a team to share the dutys and skills - because you can't do everything. With a team, there is less work because the burden is shared, when you can't manage something, someone else will have that skill and knowledge to cope. Why be alone, when you can share?

DID doesn't mean you are weak - it shows you are strong. Strong enough to cope and survive painful times and experiences. Now it's time to come out of hiding and show everyone else how strong you are, its the end of one life, and the beginning of another. One of exploration and healing. You can't start to heal and move on, until you have accepted the diagnosis (and DID is so hard to be diagnosed that can that number of professionals really be wrong?)

What do you gain from not being DID. [color=#FF00BF]What would you lose from accepting DID[/color] What would you gain from showing letting yourselves know you have DID

Thank you so much for that incredible insight and different way of looking at my diagnosis. I actually read it out loud, in hopes that all of my parts would have the opportunity to hear it. I never looked at my diagnosis as a good thing. I always looked at it as a way for others to pass more judgement on me. Especially my family.... You are right however, I have a team that makes me strong and I shouldn't let other people's judgements affect me the way I do.

Wow. I am truly very thankful for that message. I don't feel like there is something "wrong" with me anymore, instead I am seeing it as a strength. I can't express how thankful I am for that insight. I feel like I can take on this diagnosis and have a different perspective on what or actually who "I" am. I am a strong survivor and ready to dig into recovery, accepting the new things that come, in a more positive way!