Losing time without noticing 101 (TW on first line)

Good evening to everyone,

First of all, I wish to warn readers that this post will mention sex (but not discuss it in details).

I have often mentionned that I had no communication with the others in here, but that I did not think I lost time. Some time ago, hm ... 6 weeks ago (!), an event made me realize how it does not matter what I think because I do lose time. I am unfortunately not aware of it, or so it would seem. It seems like I might notice small chunks of lost time more easily (where we don't go somewhere else) than those where there are major changes. I have yet to understand why.

So, a few weeks ago, I was with two of my good friends, and we decided to invite a new friend I'd made recently. At some point in the evening he mentionned that sexual activity had happened between the two of us and my heart skipped a beat or two, literally. I looked a bit confused and embarassed, and my two friends were surprised (I'm known to be nearly asexual and incomfortable with sexuality), but no one made a case, and we continued to enjoy our evening together.

When my new friend rode me back home, he asked "Why were you so ... strange when I said we were sleeping together ?", and I answered "Well, you have a strange sense of humor." He answered "What joke is there about that ?", to which I replied "Well, to my knowledge, we have not had sexual relationships". I'm thinking I have a gift for devising sentences that could be legalese in that kind of situation. He looked utterly confused and said that, with all his honesty, we did have sex. We ended up discussing for a while, and I tried to explain him what was DID without mentionning it, at first, but he's not that stupid. He said that it had happened multiple times, and thought I was just ... moody ? But he did say he sensed a different energy when we had sex (perhaps because I'm not the one having sex). Since then I've had flashback once in a while to things he told me that made no sense before, but, once cast in a new light, do make a lot of sense.

Since then, that alter has written a note to me, and I have talked to that friend again. I have yet to answer to the note since I ... I don't really know why actually. It's like that concern constantly gets evicted from my conciousness, when it really shouldn't. I do have a few questions, but I don't quite know how to handle the situation.

My friend told me that our behavior was different enough to be noticeable to the "untrained eye" (?) and I also wonder what that means.

Of course, I also wonder if there are others that go around without me noticing. I feel ... neutral, or unreactive (unfazed, but not unaffected) about these events. I'll get through it but it seems like it's "Self-discovery and questioning, round X"

- The host

Since I'm new in this process, I can't really offer you any great wisdom, but I can relate to you feeling asexual, surprised about your supposed actions, and taking a long time to follow up on your alter's communication. I have gotten much better about this, but I feel very dense in general. I never noticed I lost time until lately, when I realized it's very common and always has been. I just forgot about it when it happened and then gradually rationalized any unforgettable effects.

Just wanted to say I read what you wrote and I can relate. Sounds like you are head toward more self-discovery, which is a mixed bag sometimes. Ultimately I think it has to be better than being in the dark. At least I hope so.

[quote="Nondescript"]Since I'm new in this process, I can't really offer you any great wisdom, but I can relate to you feeling asexual, "


This is the first time i heard ppl say what I've been saying all along. I only had sex bc I felt abnormal for being asexual. I recently been wanting to separate and let another alter take care of the sexual act and let me forget. I don't want a promiscuous I have a boyfriend but some of us don't like him, others don't trust him. But someone loves him. Other's don't want anything to do with sex like me.why is it so hard to just lose time now that I want it to happen?


bc we want stability for the mother's children, we love them.

than why allow me to be so nonfunctional and paralyzed around them.

bc it's a process.


smh, i just want out of the equation.

For me it is like I suddenly have an explanation for "my" conflicting views and experiences regarding sex. For me I could not care less about sex, it has never interested me. Yet, apparently I have been a very "sexual" person. I've never been able to connect to the act. I don't think I have lost time during it, but I go away from it and another alter who is very sexual comes in.

Amy has lost time involving sex because I have been much more involved in her sex life than she knows. I enjoy the power of sex, just not the act. That is why the "other" one (she doesn't have a name) comes in. It all works...Amy gets the closeness, I get the power and the other one gets to do what she enjoys.

INEEDTHISS wrote:why is it so hard to just lose time now that I want it to happen?

Now that your system is more self aware, the ones who formerly had the sexual role may see themselves as being used.

-- Sun Sep 07, 2014 2:29 pm --

lifepuzzle wrote:My friend told me that our behavior was different enough to be noticeable to the "untrained eye" (?) and I also wonder what that means.

My guess would be he knows you are a multiple and is hinting that he knows. He knows and he wants more.

I can't have a sex life right now because Alex (10) gets confused and thinks she should be doing that because that was her job. I don't want that to happen and it makes me sick that she tried to come out during. So it's been a while, I don't mind. It may be a while until we can all teach her she doesn't have nor should come out during sex. We tell her adults don't do that with kids. She doesn't believe me and thinks i'm a liar. So until she understand it's the celibate life for me.

Una+ wrote:My guess would be he knows you are a multiple and is hinting that he knows. He knows and he wants more.

Well, he does know. I did not have much of a choice to tell him though; with what happened, an explanation was in order. Also, I don't understand what you mean by "he wants more".

Nondescript wrote:Since I'm new in this process, I can't really offer you any great wisdom, but I can relate to you feeling asexual, surprised about your supposed actions, and taking a long time to follow up on your alter's communication. I have gotten much better about this, but I feel very dense in general. I never noticed I lost time until lately, when I realized it's very common and always has been. I just forgot about it when it happened and then gradually rationalized any unforgettable effects.

Just wanted to say I read what you wrote and I can relate. Sounds like you are head toward more self-discovery, which is a mixed bag sometimes. Ultimately I think it has to be better than being in the dark. At least I hope so.

What you wrote seems to describe what is going on with me perfectly. Well, I don't feel entirely asexual, in that sometimes I'll find that someone is beautiful, but it never is an intense feeling of never-ending passion, so to speak. I'm not sure I want a relationship, nor kids for that matter, so being asexual isn't much of a problem right now. Self-discovery seems to be a mixed-bag so far, but I now know something more about myself/ourselves; however, I deduce there must be some resistance against self-discovery in the system, as it has been several months since I last had any contact whatsoever with the others in here, while therapy has also been stalled in that same period. I would like for something to happen in therapy, even if it's just an alter dropping by to say "Hello!"; as long as it's not Supervisor blocking things directly again.

My energy levels are sufficient at the moment to go to school and take care of myself (I slip once in a while but am good overall), but I am not sure I can work, or rather, I don't think I could. I thought I was really fine before going back to school, but after the first three weeks, it is quite apparent to me that my energy levels are still rather on the low side of things (current influenza infection notwithstanding). I'd say that the antidepressants help by essentially smoothing my energy variations, so I can work a little bit less "smartly" than I'm used to, but I can do it for a longer time, so the net work is greater.

lifepuzzle wrote:Of course, I also wonder if there are others that go around without me noticing. I feel ... neutral, or unreactive (unfazed, but not unaffected) about these events. I'll get through it but it seems like it's "Self-discovery and questioning, round X"

Could the "unfazed but unaffected" mood described here be dissociation ?

Una+ wrote:

INEEDTHISS wrote:why is it so hard to just lose time now that I want it to happen?

Now that your system is more self aware, the ones who formerly had the sexual role may see themselves as being used.

-- Sun Sep 07, 2014 2:29 pm --

Yes i did feel used and it started to affect the others. A few of us was angry and took it on SO. I simply told the SO not to come. He got mad at the treatment but I just didn't want to. And I was at peace. i was happy to not do it. He came today guess she treated him well, i guess it was someone else's turn.