I'm coming here for help about a possible alter

Hello, El.

What you wrote (your first post) may very well be describing an alter.
It sort of reminded me of how I perceive(-d) things and felt before I knew for certain that "I" was in actuality a "we", so to speak.

I agree with what the others have said.
It would do you good to contact your family doc and tell her/him about this.
Even if it would turn out that there's only a "you" (which I personally kinda doubt), it might provide you answers.

Like Viola told you, it is possible for alters to have disorders on their own.
One of my alters, Karen, has... I'm not sure of the clinical term, but it must be something severe since she's in a psych ward (actually it's a mental hospital, but I don't feel comfortable saying it) while the rest of us isn't.

"Anyway, I felt like I switched a few times yesterday....and it seems like there are actually 2 alters, and they struggled to take control and my body started jerking....I felt a pressure especially in my head and chest....and felt like going "back and forth" from places....then when I came back to take control of my body I felt surreal, I felt lost, as if someone pulled me from a leg and locked me up in a room and then set me free again...."

This, I have experienced more than one.
Like Viola also stated, it may be that you're co-conscious with some (or most) of your alters.
It's possible that you're the Host, and that's the reason you feel/experience that way.
So, even though it's scary, it's not unique. I.e, you're not alone.

Wish I could provide better opinions/thoughts than that, but sadly I can't.
'Though, I can wish you luck on your journey to "find yourselves".

// Sirpa & Co.

Violarules wrote:You're co-conscious with your alters like I am. I do have times when I have amnesia but for the most part I'm co-conscious, where I know what's going on but it feels like I'm in the passenger seat and have very little influence on what's going on. I felt like that a moment ago when my protector, Cynthia, made me go get breakfast and then picked it out for me. She got fruit, yogurt and a croissant. It is possible to be aware of them. I just became aware of my alters recently. I don't know why yours showed up but for me, I think mine did because I was under a lot of stress and they help relieve the stress. I would try to communicate with your alters to find out why they're acting the way they're acting. Keep in mind, that your alters are a part of you and have a specific purpose. While denial is common with DID, try to avoid it since sometimes alters can take offense to it.

I "hear" thoughts telling me, indeed, that I should stop denying their existence, that I better admit that they are there. But I'm confused! What if it's just stress playing tricks? What if I'm just in some kind of bad dream?
But what happened yesterday, on a physical level, is real. I could feel something struggling to take control of me and on the other hand, I tried to struggle to enter the body again. I relate to the passenger seat example.

Still, everything seems so unreal to me.... I'm really confused and shocked, to be honest.

ElKahn wrote:

Violarules wrote:You're co-conscious with your alters like I am. I do have times when I have amnesia but for the most part I'm co-conscious, where I know what's going on but it feels like I'm in the passenger seat and have very little influence on what's going on. I felt like that a moment ago when my protector, Cynthia, made me go get breakfast and then picked it out for me. She got fruit, yogurt and a croissant. It is possible to be aware of them. I just became aware of my alters recently. I don't know why yours showed up but for me, I think mine did because I was under a lot of stress and they help relieve the stress. I would try to communicate with your alters to find out why they're acting the way they're acting. Keep in mind, that your alters are a part of you and have a specific purpose. While denial is common with DID, try to avoid it since sometimes alters can take offense to it.

I "hear" thoughts telling me, indeed, that I should stop denying their existence, that I better admit that they are there. But I'm confused! What if it's just stress playing tricks? What if I'm just in some kind of bad dream?
But what happened yesterday, on a physical level, is real. I could feel something struggling to take control of me and on the other hand, I tried to struggle to enter the body again. I relate to the passenger seat example.

Still, everything seems so unreal to me.... I'm really confused and shocked, to be honest.

From the way you're questioning the existence of your alters, it sounds like you're in denial, which is normal. I was in denial for a while and occasionally relapse back into it, which is also normal. Being shocked and confused is a normal reaction to something that is new to you. It seems they want to be acknowledged which might be the reason for them taking control of your body. They think that if you feel them there, you'll be more likely to accept it. I would suggest giving them a chance. Put aside any doubt you have and try to communicate with them. I like to write to my alters and it's effective for me but everyone has their own way of establishing communication. You should find what works for you.

ElKahn wrote:I "hear" thoughts telling me, indeed, that I should stop denying their existence, that I better admit that they are there. But I'm confused! What if it's just stress playing tricks? What if I'm just in some kind of bad dream?
But what happened yesterday, on a physical level, is real. I could feel something struggling to take control of me and on the other hand, I tried to struggle to enter the body again. I relate to the passenger seat example.

Still, everything seems so unreal to me.... I'm really confused and shocked, to be honest.

So did I.
Well, that indeed is a tricky question. How long did you say you've experienced this?
If it's just stress, then it should've gone away soon after.

Next time you feel like there's another person present, perhaps trying to communicate with them would help?
You could ask for names, nativity, interests etc.
If you receive answers, you may find that they're quite different from yours.
Someone who's not "real" couldn't be as complex as our alters are.

I indeed desired to communicate yesterday, so I just focused on it and switched...but still, I didn't feel like I had full control. I'm also still trying to figure out what their names are so I can at least call them and decide who I want to talk to or who I want to let take control.
I thought it was just one but looking back, it's two, because one has the tics and the other one always grins and acts powerful and bad....the one with the tics (Tourette's?) doesn't sound bad. The bad one is the other one. But they're confusing...sometimes when I switched it looked like both of them were there at the same time...other times it's just one...it's confusing!
Also, how do I find their names and ages? They're not talking right now. One of them actually insulted me...he's the bad one, the one thinking that I need to accept their existence.

I'm undecided...one part of me feels like it is something really happening to me and that I don't need to panic and that I should just accept it, but the other part of me feels in denial and feels like something like this is not possible in my mind and in my life, kinda like "no, it can't be me!"

We have an alter that sounds like your bad one, except he's not bad, just very full of himself.

I'm not full of myself! You just don't stand up to the same level as me.

Yeah, he doesn't realize that he's being egotistical. Anyway, as I was saying, as for names, you could talk to them and tell them that having a name would help you accept it. Of course, in some systems, alters like to remain anonymous. The one with the tics could be an alter that has some kind of anxiety issue or Tourette's. Alters are created from traumatic moments and some usually take on the emotion the host was in at the time. For example, I was created when the host was forced to go to a school she didn't like and where she was bullied. She hated the school and was very angry about being sent there and was very isolated due to the fact that she didn't want anything to do with them. I still have that anger and self defensive mindset.

ElKahn wrote:I indeed desired to communicate yesterday, so I just focused on it and switched...but still, I didn't feel like I had full control. I'm also still trying to figure out what their names are so I can at least call them and decide who I want to talk to or who I want to let take control.
I thought it was just one but looking back, it's two, because one has the tics and the other one always grins and acts powerful and bad....the one with the tics (Tourette's?) doesn't sound bad. The bad one is the other one. But they're confusing...sometimes when I switched it looked like both of them were there at the same time...other times it's just one...it's confusing!
Also, how do I find their names and ages? They're not talking right now. One of them actually insulted me...he's the bad one, the one thinking that I need to accept their existence.

I'm undecided...one part of me feels like it is something really happening to me and that I don't need to panic and that I should just accept it, but the other part of me feels in denial and feels like something like this is not possible in my mind and in my life, kinda like "no, it can't be me!"

Well, some alters doesn't have any names.
I didn't have any name so I had to give myself one, while Kimberly always had hers.
It's different.
It's possible your alters doesn't know their names yet, but if they do know, they just don't feel comfortable sharing them yet.
How to "make" them talk to you and share personal things... I think you would need to show that you're dependable, that you're worth of their trust.
Like, if you promise them something, then make sure that you can keep it, especially if it's a littling (child alter).
Getting back their trust after breaking it is near enough impossible.

Ah, and if you just start talking to them (in your mind, if surrounded by other people), be patient.
DOn't expect an answer right away.
In my experience, your alters will show up and talk to you when they're ready to.

Yesterday I got a name....Nathan. I guess he's the bad one, but I'll make sure, or wait for him to confirm.
I know for sure that both of them are adults, and this one, Nathan, is 27.
That's all I managed to find out about him. I find it difficult to talk to him. I don't like him, tbh.

The one with the tics seems to have issues with Nathan, the bad one, because the bad one is the one who wants to take control. At the same time, the one with tics (who's now telling me in my mind to stop calling him the one with tics) BUT HEY if you don't show yourself and let me know you and your name, how am I supposed to know what to call you??

Sorry...as I was saying, it seems like the bad one is the one who wants to be in control, so I think all that mess last night was caused by them struggling to take control, or them co-hosting (it is co-hosting, right? When two alters are in control at the same time?).

I don't know why they came out now, but as I said, I've always felt like I wasn't alone....I've always had this "weird feeling".

Of course, in some systems, alters like to remain anonymous. The one with the tics could be an alter that has some kind of anxiety issue or Tourette's. Alters are created from traumatic moments and some usually take on the emotion the host was in at the time. For example, I was created when the host was forced to go to a school she didn't like and where she was bullied. She hated the school and was very angry about being sent there and was very isolated due to the fact that she didn't want anything to do with them. I still have that anger and self defensive mindset.

This is interesting to know, Cynthia. I don't know when he was created, but anyway....I had a difficult childhood and I got bullied at school, all the time. Elementary school was a big trauma in my life, it may sound like I'm exaggerating, but it really was. I had anxiety and the extreme fear that my mom would abandon me there (the origin of my BPD?).
I'm the host right now, the one who lives normally, the one who's always been out there in the world....and I also have BPD.

***TRIGGER WARNING (mentioning threats)

I think it comes from the elementary school period when I was constantly bullied and threatened. I was threatened by a kid who was really violent. He was my nightmare, he was like a monster to me, threatening to beat me if I didn't do what he wanted.
Maybe I'm exaggerating, but he really scared the hell out of me back then.
Maybe that's where my possible DID comes from, both DID and BPD? I know there was something wrong with my childhood.

***END TRIGGER***

1) Extreme fear of abandonment 2) Getting bullied, threatened and emotionally abused
In reality, I've been emotionally abused all my life, especially during high school when my BPD symptoms started to pop up and I destroyed my friendships with them because of my behavior.

It is possible that my bad alter was created during the high school years (or maybe during middle school) since I remember one friend telling me "you used to tell (person's name here) that there is some obscure part of you inside".
I also remember this part always being referred to as the "dark side" by me...and this part blaming me for things, all the time.
I believe that's Nathan.

I'm glad you got a name. As for the one you keep referring to as the one with the tics, you could just call him alter 1, since he was the first alter you encountered. I also feel like I have a "dark side" as well. For a while I thought it was Cynthia but I realized that wasn't right. I think I have some unknowns that I've locked away since they feel very dangerous to me. This dark side has gotten me into trouble before through passive influence.

TachiShi wrote:So did I.
Well, that indeed is a tricky question. How long did you say you've experienced this?
If it's just stress, then it should've gone away soon after.

Next time you feel like there's another person present, perhaps trying to communicate with them would help?
You could ask for names, nativity, interests etc.
If you receive answers, you may find that they're quite different from yours.
Someone who's not "real" couldn't be as complex as our alters are.

I've been feeling like there's someone else inside my mind since adolescence (I'm 21 now).
I'm sure Nathan took control a few times, I just wasn't aware and he probably wasn't aware either - or was he, and he was hiding it from me? I really don't know anymore at this point.
But it was yesterday that everything became clearer....
Thinking twice, yep, it makes sense...cause many times I've felt like "there was someone else there".
And I've always heard some kind of inner voice from time to time, telling me bad things (not a voice, more like a thought).

Violarules wrote:I'm glad you got a name. As for the one you keep referring to as the one with the tics, you could just call him alter 1, since he was the first alter you encountered. I also feel like I have a "dark side" as well. For a while I thought it was Cynthia but I realized that wasn't right. I think I have some unknowns that I've locked away since they feel very dangerous to me. This dark side has gotten me into trouble before through passive influence.

The first one I encountered is actually Nathan...I just wasn't aware of it.
It could be alter 2. I don't think it's my fault if he doesn't tell me or doesn't know his name, is it?
He doesn't sound "normal"....I mean, sounds like he also has mental disabilities...

I don't have mental disabilities, you asshole!

Whatever...calm the f**k down, okay?
Here he is, he popped up in my head and made me write and choose a color for him. Is this a good sign? I guess so.
How do you communicate with alters through writing? Do you try to switch and make them write, or does the host listen to what they have to say and write for them? In my case, I wrote the alter's words as he said them to me.
Now please, alter 2, if you want and if you know your name, feel free to tell me so we can communicate in better ways.

Did I offend him? I didn't mean to offend him.