I am really feeling for you and the challenge with Melissa. I have grumpy parts that sabotage me, too.
You have said before your husband really doesn't see her as being much different from you, and refuses to accept she is an alter and not just a bad mood. Is he getting any better in this, with the recent progress? Would Melissa be willing to ID herself if he agreed to acknowledge her? Alternately, in the service of getting him to acknowledge her eventually, would she agree to let you give a sign through her when she's out? I'm sure you've thought of all this.
Anyway, I'm thinking of you. I know progress will come.