Newly diagnosed and cannot cope

Hi everyone,
I'm writing this on behalf of a friend who's newly diagnosed with DID (a month ago). She is not ready to read forums yet for fear of being triggered, but I hope you can help by offering some advice that I can share with her.

She started therapy and has identified 7 alters, several of whom have PTSD. The alters all seem to trust the therapist, and are willing to heal. But everyone struggles with horrible beliefs about themselves, flashbacks, self-harm, extreme feelings - and this is how my friend currently feels:

"I can not cope and I’m ready to give up. My head is always noisy. I'm having memory problems, have no energy and can’t concentrate, so I can never remember how to do grounding. I seem to forget things as soon as I’ve read them. I’m feeling very confused, and struggle to communicate with my alters because it gives me a headache, more memory problems, and sometimes they get triggered just talking about things. I just wish they would all go away. My therapist says I'll feel worse if I reject them, but I can't help it. I hate what is happening - it's all too much."

Has anyone got any practical advice that might help her - how to make the whole thing easier? Thanks.

Kimberley x

Do remind your friend that she is currently on the road to health. Everything you said indicates that, including the memory problems, the easy triggerability, the lack of concentration and energy, the confusion, and the headaches. Though she may not know it, these are telltale signs that someone is dealing with the acknowledgement of DID at a comparatively early stage.

It gets better, much better. As alters become known and communicate, they become less stuck in the cycle of fear, flashbacks, and uncontrollable emotions. In other words calmer times are coming. Many of us passed through a similar DID crisis soon after we discovered and began dealing with our alters. If she has become aware of any interaction with the T in which a young alter became less frightened or traumatized with work, she may have noticed the benefits to the whole system. When one of my littles is soothed or even if they just get a chance to play unbothered, their healing radiates out so that virtually all of us feel it.

I can not cope and I’m ready to give up. My head is always noisy. I'm having memory problems, have no energy and can’t concentrate, so I can never remember how to do grounding. I seem to forget things as soon as I’ve read them. I’m feeling very confused, and struggle to communicate with my alters because it gives me a headache, more memory problems, and sometimes they get triggered just talking about things. I just wish they would all go away. My therapist says I'll feel worse if I reject them, but I can't help it. I hate what is happening - it's all too much."


You say you trust your therapist, but also you need to know to try to interact with people as well to recognize your dissociating and lost of control, be patient . I'm kind of unschooled on grounding though good luck with that. I been on a healing journey since 2012 and forgetting things as soon as I read it really is making me feel defeating. Still fighting it thought. LEt your therapist lead you first, because you don't want to do too too much reasearching until they release you because then your therapist can't see you in session to answer some of the vague questions

I'm still new to it too. I have been working on it for a year and a half. I work with a T who has a lot of success treating trauma and DID.

When we first started working together, I complained about the noise and chaos and headaches. She told me to go inside and ask them to stop hurting me. Don't yell just say, "please stop hurting me." I felt weird but I did it and it worked.

To help the noise and chaos I went inside and explained what's going on. Asked them to quiet down so we can get help and get organized. I'm not organized just yet, still trying to figure out who all is there. Let them know that you know they have pain and you're doing everything you can to help with that but they need to help too. Aknowledge them and appreciate them for all they did for you, and understand how painful it was. Be genuine and honest, and build trust with them. They may not respond but knowing you care and knowing you're trying to help eveyone may calm things a bit.

I talk to mine all the time. Haven't gotten a lot of replies. I can talk to 3 but I know there are more. I can see them kind of foggy like and I can see shapes. I've had 3 more reveal themselves to me, I know why they're there and what they do, but they wont talk to me yet. I still talk to them.

In the beginning the worst mistake I made was to deny their existence, called them it, called them "crap in my head." I had a lot of pain because of that. It's not like it was. I learned to address them as people and respect them as people.

I still have a long way to go, but i've made what I think, is a lot of progress from when I started til now.

I'm a newby still and that's about all I can offer to start. Best thing I learned in the beginning was to talk to them.

Good luck on your journey, we'll be here when you're ready.

Thanks for posting for your friend. YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND!

So many thanks to all of you for your encouraging and understanding answers. I will share this with my friend. You've been really helpful.

K x

Tell your friend we said hi. Just thought as host I would toss in my two cents.

I've been dealing with the chaos and such for a couple of weeks. Literally, a couple of weeks ago they started coming out, and right now it's a mess.

We're having a lot of problems dealing with this because of my skepticism, and my denial. I know that. I just don't know how to process this in my normal way.

As for headaches, I have to say, I I've been getting them a lot. Mostly due to trying to figure this out, process it, and because of my denial that's rather deep rooted. I find it hard to believe they have been there for so long. I find it hard to believe I've got thoughts in my head that aren't "my own". sorry, not sure what to do with this yet.

But when they are calming down, the littles are happy, and I'm helping the others, this is actually pretty neat.

If I stop denying this, or get a diag, I plan on going public in my life with this. It is after all who I am.

-Sophia-

We wouldn't mind some more time out here and there

-Lilly-

Just let your friend know to take it at their own pace. This coping mechanism isn't exactly simple.

-Lockleigh-

But we're rooting for your friend all the way!

-Maureen-

Thank you - and good luck with your own journey too

revsophie wrote:As for headaches, I have to say, I I've been getting them a lot. Mostly due to trying to figure this out, process it, and because of my denial that's rather deep rooted. I find it hard to believe they have been there for so long. I find it hard to believe I've got thoughts in my head that aren't "my own".

As for the headaches, try asking them to stop hurting you. Maybe that will provide some modicum of relief, it worked for me. You might even ask the ones who are creating chaos to calm down and assure them that you all will work it out. I think the chaos might be happening because everyone is excited now that ther're known and they all want their say and they're probably all jostling for their chance. That's just my theory, just an idea.

Hope things settle down for you soon.

Firelamb67. Oh, we're working on that actually. But we're going to start a thread about this because some of us are expressing our concerns and maybe others can help in our own thread