Love problem.

Hey, its me roisin. Or otherwise known as rose. Recently I met this person. I'll keep their name anonymous because I wouldn't want to put their name up without their permission. We'll call them Alex. Me and alex have been talking for a few days over the internet. We have been getting along very very well. We have a lot in common and we can basically talk for hours on end. But theres a problem. They know me for me. Not the whole system. I don't want to tell them about DID because I feel that they'll think I was crazy and stop talking to me. but I hope i'd maybe be able to meet them one day face to face.

I went on that website expecting to make friends and meet some interesting people. I never thought i'd meet someone who i'd start to develop feelings for.

Everytime I get a chance to speak to them. I get excited and happy because I love speaking to them so much. Its basically the best part about being out of the inner world....
What do you guys think a alter like me should do?

Hi Rose. As someone who's had experience with three online relationships, I would say to be honest. Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. If the person doesn't want to talk to you after telling him about the DID, it shows that person has some personal flaws that need to be worked out since people shouldn't discriminate due to disorders and the like. Another thing I would say is to be careful. People lie about their identities online all the time especially *TW* sexual offenders, child predators and others that just want to hurt others.*end TW* I would make sure that Alex is legit before taking your relationship with him to the next level. I hope everything works out for you. May I ask what the website is called that you met Alex on? If you don't want to give the site, that's fine.

I don't think it's different being an alter to being a singleton in this. I agree with Violarules that honesty is important. But also, I'd give it time too. A few days isn't very long. A problem with online friendships is that it's really easy to "fill in" all the unknowns about a person. With things you like. [I've done this! More than once. ] If you know people in real life, then it's possible to pick up lots of information without really knowing you're doing it. Their body language tells you lots. So online that's restricted.

So I think sharing about DID is like any other personal fact about you. It's important. Just, unless other people in the system want to talk to Alex too. It might be too soon to be so open. Just like you might not share your home address or school info. After a while, I think it's really hard for any nice person to stick a "crazy" label on someone they've got to know well. And even if they think crazy is a problem, that still wouldn't be a reason to end a friendship that's been built up over time. So there's less to worry about if you get to know them more. And you can perhaps "test the waters" a little. By sharing a news story or something about mental health issues. And see how they react.

Bring out each alter when their personality fits the moment. That way he is exposed to all of you, and when it is time to tell him it would be a comfort. He will already know what he is getting, but names will just be added. Otherwise alters might have conflict of opinion if they aren't exposed to "Alex" on a personal level beyond sexuality. Your intuition, or other alters will tell you from there the quality "Alex" will bring into your life. Enjoy the moments. Best wishes.

Hi Rose,

I agree with everybody. You have to be safe. Sometimes we over do safety and sometimes we're pretty stupid about it.

The big problem is getting people to understand that we are alters. Online it's easy for them to not worry about it. In person it's harder. I'd suggest you talk to Seangel since she's thought alot about going out with alters and systems. Maybe she knows how to explain it better.

Good luck and be safe.

Iain