bad T *tw*

TRIGGER WARNING

We are a bit fuzzy atm,

We go to therapy. we know it is hard, and mostly get worse before it gets better, but we need to vent I guess

This T has invalidated us, retraumatized us, manipulated us. he says he has experience with DID, but he clearly lacks it. He put us on meds to make us "being able to function in everyday life" he rejects talking as an option, 'he wont allow us to tell our story.
I dont want to be heard Last session triggered the h*ll out of us. we discussed meds i think, and many were pissed off at him. his words were "not everybody will agree, but you should take them anyway". it felt invaldiating, enraged others, and an protector came out. It really couldnt get worse.
I have poor memory of session and was not even there but the next i remember was that we got violent impulses from the inside, lots of feelings of anger, resentment, hurt and trauma. it was as if we were stuck in an loop or something We havent sleep as far as i know, or we did, i dont know. we did not sleep, we were awake
Others in our system have written an angry letter to this T. I have no idea whats written in it honestly.
Now, the memory of the sessions we had were nothing but awfull, and we still end up going
He says he listen, but he doesnt
He says we should trust him after all that he has done. its absurd

I dont even know why we write this, it feel very fuzzy right now. we keep on finding more insiders each day, but it was as if an bomb was dropped and to much was releasedhe even asked us to describe our triggers, to describe flashbacks, to describe trauma experiences, which we clearly dont have memory off, im angry with this T, i hate him and resent him
I want to go....


Ugh. Nobody seem to get us. people want to suppress us, want to force us to take those meds, it wont let it, try me

Im sad

If you all agree that the T is no good try another.
A T that forces you to be triggered and protect yourself is no good and could be more damaging than having no T at all.
You all have enough problems of your own you don't need someone who traumatizes and manipulates you on top of that.
I say drop him and find a better one--I'm an alter, I have no name yet.

I would ditch that T and find a new one and one who cares for yours and the others' feelings and needs. I don't know why but a lot of doctors would rather give mess than find another alternative because it's the easy way out. Like when I went to see a doctor about my sleep problems he told me that he would love to give me meds right then but didn't because he wanted to do the test first. Your T claims to be an expert on DID but he's either not using his knowledge of the disorder or had none and just wants a job. Get rid of him please, for your own good and the good of the others.

Hi,

Seems like a lot is going on. Different people don't like different things about the situation. Some are done but somebody wants to go back. Looks like you all need to communicate inside and figure this out. It's starting to make your host go non-functional. You don't want that. It hurts everybody. What makes you stronger and more determined is to know what all of you can agree on. Maybe you can help get your host back together so they can help you sort this out.

Iain

Iluranai wrote:If you all agree that the T is no good try another.
A T that forces you to be triggered and protect yourself is no good and could be more damaging than having no T at all.
You all have enough problems of your own you don't need someone who traumatizes and manipulates you on top of that.
I say drop him and find a better one--I'm an alter, I have no name yet.

We dont all agree. Some want to go back. they wont listen.
We agree for the most that we cant go back there, the idea is pretty triggering in itself.
We rather didnt met this T at all in the first place
Its not safe

Violarules wrote:I would ditch that T and find a new one and one who cares for yours and the others' feelings and needs. I don't know why but a lot of doctors would rather give mess than find another alternative because it's the easy way out. Like when I went to see a doctor about my sleep problems he told me that he would love to give me meds right then but didn't because he wanted to do the test first. Your T claims to be an expert on DID but he's either not using his knowledge of the disorder or had none and just wants a job. Get rid of him please, for your own good and the good of the others.

I think that some of us go back because the other option is, we have to work. its driving us crazy basically. we need another T, thats for sure.
He loves to mess with us, he ejoys walking in circles
Seems there are some of us also around, sorry if it is triggering.
he does claim to have experiences with trauma, with multiples and all, but he only traumatizes us more
Some claim to have written an letter which i dont know the content of at all.
Its an mess.

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

Seems like a lot is going on. Different people don't like different things about the situation. Some are done but somebody wants to go back. Looks like you all need to communicate inside and figure this out. It's starting to make your host go non-functional. You don't want that. It hurts everybody. What makes you stronger and more determined is to know what all of you can agree on. Maybe you can help get your host back together so they can help you sort this out.

Iain

We have not really an host i think. not that we are aware of. Its voiced from the inside everytime that we havent one, and when we ask, there is an No. we know we have multiple ANP in this system that deal with it. We do need to figure out why we go back, or atleast, why those who go, go.

Thanks everybody who responeded, we tried before but werent allowed by others in the system for some reason, blocked or something

~Several?

Hi,

Im an member of this system who can deal this best.
we got an response back from this T. he basically drops us. Littles are crying inside atm, others are still enraged, some are hurt by it.
He basically drops us. says the letter was treatening to him. several have expresses themselves and written down their concerns about the whole T thing. I thought that was the whole point of T? we feel blackmailed by him, the problems shoved in our shoes fully. No excuse, nothing.
We dont know now how we go further. its as we fall in an black hole, overridden with guilt.
It stated that basically everything can trigger us, which is somehwat true. That it causes an tension about the meds, which our system wont allow us to take. We cant work and now are somehwat scared about our social-benefits, which he would help us with.
we should be somewhat happy that he doesnt go further with us, but we feel not happy at all. its the opposite.
We keep it here, were still to devastated by it all, by our lives, by the whole situation.
We feel incredibly misunderstood and triggered.

Several.

I'm sorry to hear that. There is a positive to this: you get to find a new T that will actually treat your system with the individuality and respect that you all deserve. The fact that he just dropped you all like that shows that he wasn't thinking about helping you at all or he would have changed his ways. You shouldn't feel guilty. It's nothing you did. You did what you're supposed to do if a doctor is making you feel bad, confront it and let the person know so they can make the decision to change and he didn't. I hope you all can find a new T that will be better for you.

Cynthia

I'm glad that you don't have to deal with him anymore. He was harming you all more than he was helping and that's wrong. I'm sure you'll find a new, better T.

I don't think his response to you was fair! I don't think any of you have anything to feel guilty about. Expressing how you feel is really important. Feeling safe with your T is really important. Therapy can be painful and challenging. And some of you may have to help or protect others to get through it. But I don't think any of you should feel constantly triggered or not listened to. That doesn't seem at all healthy to me.

I'm sorry this didn't reach a better close. I too hope you find a better T. One who has the good qualities that encouraged some of you to see the old T. But who is MUCH MUCH nicer to all of you. And better able to work with your system as it is.

How are you all doing now?

I had to wait a while before I replied to this thread because all of my alters were up in arms about what your T did to you. That is not cool! Therapy is supposed to help not make it worse and it sounds to us like your T was trying to rush something that should most definitely not be rushed just to make their life easier or get themselves some brownie points for 'curing' you super fast. The fact you now have to find a new T is tough and unfair but it is probably the best thing that could have happened to you if the sessions were that toxic to your inner system - it's never fun to have your alters arguing with each other. I really hope everything gets sorted out for you!

Violarules wrote:I'm sorry to hear that. There is a positive to this: you get to find a new T that will actually treat your system with the individuality and respect that you all deserve. The fact that he just dropped you all like that shows that he wasn't thinking about helping you at all or he would have changed his ways. You shouldn't feel guilty. It's nothing you did. You did what you're supposed to do if a doctor is making you feel bad, confront it and let the person know so they can make the decision to change and he didn't. I hope you all can find a new T that will be better for you.

Cynthia

I'm glad that you don't have to deal with him anymore. He was harming you all more than he was helping and that's wrong. I'm sure you'll find a new, better T.

Yes, were individuals, he didnt even care to getting to know us, well, some he rather not get to know. We cant remember much at all anymore from the appointment with him, only that it is an he. The letter wasnt nice
Were not sure if we want an T at this point at all, we have way to much fun
Tomorrow we have this appointment, it will be triggering, appointment for our SSi, we sure as heck cant work atm, we have lots of timloss, amnesia and trances, the slightest thing makes us dysfunctional at this point. We are worried they will tell we need to continue with this T, which will worsen us, its this kind of T that causes systems to get out of control and cause them end up hospilized, if you know what I mean
Its to fresh i suppose

Ada wrote:I don't think his response to you was fair! I don't think any of you have anything to feel guilty about. Expressing how you feel is really important. Feeling safe with your T is really important. Therapy can be painful and challenging. And some of you may have to help or protect others to get through it. But I don't think any of you should feel constantly triggered or not listened to. That doesn't seem at all healthy to me.

I'm sorry this didn't reach a better close. I too hope you find a better T. One who has the good qualities that encouraged some of you to see the old T. But who is MUCH MUCH nicer to all of you. And better able to work with your system as it is.

How are you all doing now?

I have honestly no idea how we do at the moment, no idea how we get through the day we switch lots Oh, that explains a lot.
Its crowdy in our head now, some are really against the idea of therapy.
As far as we know, we lost an whole week. I cant remember posting anything of this

FishtailedChimera wrote:I had to wait a while before I replied to this thread because all of my alters were up in arms about what your T did to you. That is not cool! Therapy is supposed to help not make it worse and it sounds to us like your T was trying to rush something that should most definitely not be rushed just to make their life easier or get themselves some brownie points for 'curing' you super fast. The fact you now have to find a new T is tough and unfair but it is probably the best thing that could have happened to you if the sessions were that toxic to your inner system - it's never fun to have your alters arguing with each other. I really hope everything gets sorted out for you!

yeah, many of us were up in arms aswell. Protecting the littlesprotecting everything he really thinks that it can be an fast cure or something we dont like the word "cure, its as if there is something wrong with us, which there isnt. Gosh were such an mess I think he just wanted bonuspoints, like "look how awesome i am , i cures this multiple Nobody is as awesome as me ~hawk
It was toxic, it worsened badly. It caused us to breakdown. he said that everything could trigger us. welltouché he clamped to that and just ignored that. and then he wonders why some were lashing out, wanted to took it physical and violent. only to protect us yeah, alters arguing causes lots of headache, they tend to fight it in and out, out, or something like that