Alcohol troubles TW

Losing control whilst drinking.

It has become extremely bad I get angry yell paranoia it controls me and I wake slapping myself.
Not mention other alters reactions to alcohol they can get worse than me. NEVER ever have I been like this. Even when I used to binge drink everyday I never got angry I was happy now it's just miserable to even consider alcohol.
I'm thinking of quitting but many of my alters love alcohol and it's it very involved with my life (family friends) my daughters always asleep when I drink but its not good enough. Even if I do quit will the others listen even with my daughter? I'm so afraid to address the drinking issue. But I do know I can stop I did whilst I was pregnant. I feel like I've fallen back into the alcohol soaked pit I pulled myself out when I was 19. Except now I have the biggest responsibility a human can have another raising a human.

I'm thinking you need help with this, someone outside the circle of people who encourage the drinking. DID is enough of a challenge without adding the effects of a mind-altering substance that has numerous health consequences. You're probably aware that you have what's considered a dual diagnosis, a mental disorder along with substance abuse problem.

spanky_spee wrote:I'm so afraid to address the drinking issue. But I do know I can stop I did whilst I was pregnant. I feel like I've fallen back into the alcohol soaked pit I pulled myself out when I was 19. Except now I have the biggest responsibility a human can have another raising a human.

You've made several clear observations here and, overall, they seem fairly hopeful to me. You love your daughter very much and it sounds like your alters were also able to stop drinking while you were pregnant. So it may be a challenge negotiating with them but they can make rational and moral choices for the right reasons. You just need to come up with those reasons together. I'd suggest starting a list of pros and cons about drinking and encouraging all of you participate in that list, which is really a kind of discussion. Everyone should be heard.

Your family member (your daughter) needs you, all of you, and I will bet you know well what constitutes good parenting and bad parenting. Chances are overwhelming you experienced bad parenting and most or none of you likely want to force that onto another human being, particularly someone so undeserving.

spanky_spee wrote:Even if I do quit will the others listen even with my daughter?

You may not know until you try and try again. Don't give up or give in, you've all come a long way already. By the way, glad you're back!

Thank you Johnny. definitely digested diagnosis is only a dream at the moment but. My partner has taken positive steps forwards in seeing a psych for his anxiety and depression. But for me I still get anxiety even near a psych. Being in a room or even near freaks me out. I have cut back over the past few weeks I have noticed. Hangover+Baby= horrible day. Internally we have been discussing things lately when we are allowed how much we consume what liquors give what reaction and how do we distract ourselves from the thought this is only temporary for now. But we are managing a bit better. Small steps at the moment.

In suggesting someone outside the circle of friends, I meant almost anyone who had your best interests in mind. A therapist would be most helpful overall, provided you could accept, afford, etc. one, but then they're not available all the time, are they? Maybe a new friend. Have you considered someone you might meet through a 12-step program or mothers facing challenges, someone who's dealt with some of the same challenges you have, whose commitment would be to listen, to be there for you. At the very least, someone to substitute for choices among the old crowd, family or friends, who steer you in the wrong direction. Very easy to say that, not always easy to find, but such people are out there.

spanky_spee wrote:I have cut back over the past few weeks I have noticed.

Congrats, that deserves a hand. Falling back on habits that have worked, even when we know the risks or long-term costs, is really, really tough. I know from experience, so any achievement in a new, more positive direction is something to applaud.

spanky_spee wrote:But we are managing a bit better. Small steps at the moment.

Well, that's how most human beings overcome challenges of any complexity, not in some grand epiphany after which every aspect of our behavior changes, but from the smaller steps that we keep building on. I've had a rough few weeks and have had no perspective on how I've actually made some progress in the right direction but your comments and attitude remind me. You're inspiring, thanks.

Johnny-Jack wrote:In suggesting someone outside the circle of friends,

Recently I have started hanging with a non-drinking friend. who has only ever had one vodka cruiser in her life.

But I have been noticing a pattern.
If I don't drink as much as feel the 'need' to the more loud and pushy alters become. And they become harder to push back.
I know I can trust them with the baby but it's so hard to let go. she cries I'm triggered and they can't come out until the baby is asleep or I'm to stressed.

When I drink it's a free for all then they are quiet for a few days. But I'm let to pick the pieces of there crazy actions as well as my own.

I'm at a strange intersection keep pushing with less alcohol my mind is flooded and it's hard to function with a baby, or once a week go off my trolley and lose an entire night.

Johnny-Jack wrote: I've had a rough few weeks and have had no perspective on how I've actually made some progress in the right direction but your comments and attitude remind me. You're inspiring, thanks.

Thank you