How do I not feel sad? *Trigger Warning*

Hi, my name is Dwyer, and I'm 8 years old. I've been feeling really sad the last few hours because of a lot of things happening. We stayed up past our bedtime watching TV shows and now I'm afraid that my mom and my dad are going to find out and yell at me and scratch me with their nails like they used to because I was supposed to go to bed even though were night people and not morning people. I'm also really scared my new daddy who I love very very much is going to wake up at any second and yell at me for being up even though he never yells. And he'll be so mad at me he won't love me anymore, because we stayed up and that's a bad, bad thing.

I also get scared because I'm an adult kind of, but I'm just a little kid, and I don't know if I'm allowed to be a kid like I want to be and maybe know I should be but need to be all grown up because Uncle Nic is 21 and so should I be. And I get really scared that people won't like me because I'm 8 and he's 21 and is growing a beard and I like it but sometimes I don't want it because he scares me. And I saw a naked woman on a TV show and couldn't stop staring, but my daddy and mommy did really bad things with my private parts and it makes me reallllllllllllly uncomfortable to touch them or look at them myself, so I ask my uncle TK to please help me cause he really likes those parts and he says I can talk to him and tell him anything anytime and he'll still love me and care for me no matter what, but that's what my mommy said to me and she said she hated us guys! So I can't tell him I love him because he loves me but I can't tell because whenever someone says that they love me I feel like I need to say it back even if I don't mean it like with mommy and daddy, cause it always felt like I was just saying words but now when I tell uncle Nic or Uncle C or Uncle Zack or Uncle Brian, or my new Daddy Johnny

Hi, my name is Dwyer, and I'm 8 years old. I've been feeling really sad the last few hours because of a lot of things happening. We stayed up past our bedtime watching TV shows and now I'm afraid

Hi Dwyer and NicS -good to see you writing and processing here

Dwyer I hope you got some sleep and you aren't as sad anymore because you realized you are safe and that your parents aren't nearby and no one is going to be mad at you for staying up late watching tv.

You are allowed to be both a kid and an adult at the same time and though it's seems awkward at times for me too when I am young and older all at the same time -

I hope you are feeling rested and better today.

Hi Dwyer,

It's ok to feel sad, you know? If you're worried, or something happened, it's a normal reaction. So, you can feel it, embrace it and then let it go.

Watching TV past bedtime or staying up it's not so bad. ok, yeah, our bodies need resting, but it is also ok to listen to your body, and if you happen to be active at night, it is ok too.

I'm sorry your dad and mom did those things when they found out you were out of bed. I don't think yelling and scratching teaches anything. Instead, I do believe that with love much more is taught.

I've read posts written by Johnny, and he cares a lot and is very protective of you guys, so I don't think he'll yell if he were to wake up and find you watching TV.

I also wanted to tell you that it is to be a kid, even if you're kind of an adult, or if Nic is growing a beard. Processes need time, and you need time to process what ever needs to be processed. So, it's ok to feel the way you're feeling. I have a friend you know? And he has many people inside, like you, and I'm friends with 10 year-old and with a 14 year-old. And I like talking to them, and enjoy very much their friendship. So, there are people who would adore the diversity in you. There are also people who might not understand, but that is their process, not because of you.

Seeing a naked woman on TV is not a biggie. And maybe you couldn't stop looking because you don't see that daily, and it is normal to be curious about others' bodies.

I'm sorry your mom and dad did those things to your private parts. They shouldn't have done so. They crossed your boundaries. It is your body, and no one should touch it with out your permission. And specially, not if you're a kid. They should've known better.

I understand it must be uncomfortable for you to touch them or look at them yourself. Maybe, with time, you might get to see that you're body is wonderful, and beautiful, and sacred, and all yours, and so perfect, functioning so right, healing itself, carrying you around, connecting you with the world around you, being a vehicle to experience good stuff as well.

It's so nice what TK tells you, his unconditional love: that he'll still love you and care for you, no matter what. So, you know you count with him, and you can tell him about your worries, and let him guide you, and you'll get to rediscover your body as a new different experience. Maybe with nice music, maybe in a comfortable environment in which you feel safe and supported by the rest of your system.

I understand your fears because of what your mom said. Fears to trust again. I would feel like that as well. You need time, to discover that some people really mean what they say.

You don't need to say "I love you" back, specially if you don't feel it. Many times you can show you love a person with actions. But if you don't mean it, you're not obliged to say it. Some people may feel one way about us, and that doesn't mean we need to feel the same way about them. So, it's ok to listen to yourself, and understand how it is you're feeling, you're being honest. And if you can't say I love you to TK yet, I think he might understand.

I hope if you ever find yourself again woken up at night and worrying, you might remember that it's ok to be woken up, and it's also ok to feel worried because of what you've experienced in the past. But, after feeling it, you'll discover that it is also ok to let those feelings go, and feel good, and enjoy being up at night, and feeling safe.

Hope we'll talk again Dwyer.

Sea

Dwyer, you're never going to get in trouble with me for staying up late and I won't ever yell at you. When you first moved here, I argued with your Uncle C. Nic about staying up late because it's important for me to wake up early and helping me do that was part of the assistant job your uncles were hired for. But there's no longer a job, this is your home and it's really important to me that you feel safe.

I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to talk to these nice people. It was brave and I'm very proud of you.