For the teenagers!

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Also, if we say no, and can see that he's disappointed, and so we feel bad for disappointing him, is that him making us feel bad? I don't think so.

It's just as much him making you feel bad as you saying no makes him feel bad. And it totally sounds complicated but you are taking responsibility for making him feel disappointed even though its not really you saying no but the others in your head. So he should take responsibility for how he makes you feel even if it's like not intentional and stuff it still has an effect. I mean how are the ones that are scared of him or don't like him going to get over that if they think they made him upset. Like Nixie goes into a complete panic if she thinks Ozalces is upset because she thinks that means he will hurt her and she is getting over that because Ozalces takes responsibility for whatever way he makes us feel even if he didn't mean it. And like when we calm down we try and talk about why and he always explains what he was thinking or feeling and reassures us he won't hurt us. But like if your husband isn't doing that how will they learn he is safe? So like I think he needs to consider everyone else more and not think about what he wants so much and more about the consequences of his behaviour.

Maybe Pixie. The cross feeling went away and it's strange feels to us.

I ruined my relationship with our husband.
I don't know how to fix it.
I want to fix it.
But I don't think it's fixable.
I think it's inevitable that it will end forever at some point.
So why try fixing it?
How could anything ever be the same?
I don't know what to do.

B

Maybe you did the right thing as a protector because you felt that he's a controlling dominant instead of respectful husband.

Just sayin'
B14

Hi Britney,

What happened??? Maybe you didn't ruin it like forever. People get over things sometimes.

Hi MDs,

We have a back up plan and we can call, email, or Skype if we want. We really want her to get well. We did ok for YEARS without a T so we can do it. I just hope things don't go back the way they were.

Hi Nyxx,

Sounds complex! And maybe Nixie is confusing O with somebody else. You always say O's pretty nice about stuff but she's making like he's an abuser.

Hi Sasha,

I LOVE milkshakes but our T says maybe I'm really a Protector that does it so everybody else who HATES milkshakes won't have to. I'm trying to find the CONSENT here. What if it's not about me wanting it and I'm just built to please whoever??? That would really suck! Our T says I should try to figure out if I "want to" or "have to". I'm not sure I know the difference. I know I really really want to please. But is that 'want to' or a 'have to' or 'scared not to'?

I hope you figure it out with the husband guy.

Cody

Bejer wrote:Maybe you did the right thing as a protector because you felt that he's a controlling dominant instead of respectful husband.

Just sayin'
B14

No. This was all my fault. And I know it.
He is a respectful husband. And he's not perfect, but I know when I messed up and can own up to it. I went a little (maybe a lot) crazy and overreacted to a situation. I need advice, not personal attacks on our husband or my relationship.

B

-- Thu Sep 27, 2018 11:46 am --

IainEtc wrote:Hi Britney,

What happened??? Maybe you didn't ruin it like forever. People get over things sometimes.

Cody

I got crazy and insecure when I felt like he was spending too much time with the newest insider to show up. I feel like she is trying to push me out of his life and take over my spot. He says I'm wrong and I have nothing to worry about. And it just blew up from there. I'm still not convinced that she's a good person or isn't manipulating things. But I'm about to lose him. And I have to decide to either just give up and break it off for good. Or try to fix it. He says things can be better over time and get back to the way they were between us. But I'm not convinced. I tried a few weeks ago with "milkshakes," and it wasn't the same as it had always been. He says it was just one time, and to give it time. I just don't know. I'm sad. I'm hurting. And I want it to be like it was. But I don't know if it can be.

Hi B,

I guess the BIG question is - Does he know you're multiple??? Has he met the parts of your system? I know we're all responsible for what our systems do but sometimes it's good for people to know only one part was feeling something or acting out and it wasn't everybody's idea.

And sometimes we get scared and do dumb things. That's not evil, just scared people doing things they wish they hadn't.

Hope it works out ok.

Cody & Iain

First thing you did when you came to this website, was promote him triggering you on purpose as a sadist, dominant and daddy (him) as a healthy thing. It's not. On this site filled with victims of SA, it's ok to express that this is not a man being a loving and respectful husband. I truly think you did the right thing.

B14

IainEtc wrote:Hi B,

I guess the BIG question is - Does he know you're multiple??? Has he met the parts of your system? I know we're all responsible for what our systems do but sometimes it's good for people to know only one part was feeling something or acting out and it wasn't everybody's idea.

And sometimes we get scared and do dumb things. That's not evil, just scared people doing things they wish they hadn't.

Hope it works out ok.

Cody & Iain

Yes, he knows we are multiple. He knows everyone in the system. He never holds everyone responsible for what one part does. We each have a different type of relationship with him, different needs, different wants, and he respects us as different people. So he can be irritated with one of us, and it doesn't roll over into his communications or activities with the others.

And yeah, I wish I had handled things different. *sigh* But I messed up, and I don't know how to fix it.

B

-- Thu Sep 27, 2018 12:04 pm --

Bejer wrote:First thing you did when you came to this website, was promote him triggering you on purpose as a sadist, dominant and daddy (him) as a healthy thing. It's not. On this site filled with victims of SA, it's ok to express that this is not a man being a loving and respectful husband. I truly think you did the right thing.

B14

A sadist is not the same thing as a satanist. First of all. We are not victims of SA in anyway.
I know you're trying to be helpful, and for that I'm appreciative. And yes he is loving and nurturing. But BDSM is not something everyone understands, and that aspect of our relationship has nothing to do with the current situation.

I really just need help in fixing my relationship. That's all I want or need right now.

B

This is not just about you. I want to make clear that that's abuse. Something we're all learning about to not become victims again. In this relationship, you've discovered your DID and you still serve and obay his schedule for your parts. The minute he found out you have parts and are therefore severely traumatised and have an unrealistic view of safety and trust, he should have stopped. Not because BDSM would be the unhealthy thing here, but his approach; he could not know if you were being re-traumatised or not.

I'll go mind my own business again but I hope you'll free yourself from this abusive relationship so you can start healing.

B14

Bejer wrote:This is not just about you. I want to make clear that that's abuse. Something we're all learning about to not become victims again. In this relationship, you've discovered your DID and you still serve and obay his schedule for your parts. The minute he found out you have parts and are therefore severely traumatised and have an unrealistic view of safety and trust, he should have stopped.

I'll go mind my own business again but I hope you'll free yourself from this abusive relationship so you can start healing.

B14

I'm done with this conversation.